Notes on an Aftermath
by FlowerPot21
Summary: The days after...post-Cold. Chester/Casey, Olivia/Dean, Elliot/Kathy and some OFCs.
1. Chapter One: Helluva Night

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter One: Helluva Night

Everyone is in a stunned silence as they watch the sector car containing Chester pulling away and off to the nearest precinct. The whole scene had been shocking; no one thought that Chester would take it this far. It is ironic that he'd been found innocent for one murder only to commit one. A cop in handcuffs just isn't something other cops really want nor like to see, especially not the good ones. Perhaps the most tragic revelation to come out of the entire situation is that none of them had really known Detective Chester Lake at all.

"I could have stopped him," Fin says, shaking his head.

"Don't blame yourself, Fin," Olivia says softly.

"It's too late, Liv," he says flatly. "I already do."

Thomas Crane's body lies dead behind them, his temple blown off and bloodied. A fitting end to a dirty cop and rapist. However, the cost…it had been too great. Lives have been irrevocably changed, careers destroyed, loyalties and friendships have been broken and compromised. Whether that much can be salvaged, it remains yet to be seen.

Melinda walks up to them, her kit in hand and a somber look on her face. The helplessness is almost palpable between them, and her heart goes out to them and to Chester. They all know that they cannot get involved in this case. Conflict of interest and other matters will arise and make things that much more difficult for everyone.

"I'm sorry," she says softly before going over to the body.

Deciding that they'd seen enough for one night, Fin and Munch leave the scene.

Olivia looks over and sees Casey looking at Thomas Crane's body, transfixed. Olivia goes over and puts a hand on the younger woman's back.

"C'mon Casey, let's get out of the way," Olivia says softly.

She ushers Casey out into the street. Tears are clouding her vision and she can barely see two feet in front of her, let alone focus on the task of getting out of Melinda and CSU's way. Her stomach is twisting and clenching within her, making her feel even more nauseous.

She feels the bile rise up in her throat and she covers her mouth and rushes over to the alley across the street and vomits into a trash can, her nervousness and anxiety taking her over. She runs her fingers through her hair and holds it back as she vomits again. She feels a hand on her back and she straightens up.

"Are you alright?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah," Casey sighs. "I'm going home."

"Are you okay to drive?" Olivia asks. "I can take you home."

"No, I'm fine, Liv," Casey insists. "Thanks though."

Casey walks down the street to her car.

Meanwhile, Cragen approaches his now four member squad, hands in his pockets and a solemn look on his face.

"I understand and appreciate that emotions are running high right now but none of you are to go near this case," he warns. "Internal Affairs and the homicide unit from the 3-2 will investigate Detective Lake's actions. It's out of our hands as of ten minutes ago. If I find any of you anywhere near Lake or this case…I won't hesitate to suspend you without pay. Understood?"

Everyone nods.

Cragen looks over at Thomas Crane's body, stoic. He has mixed feelings about Thomas Crane's death. Of course, he doesn't agree with vigilantism, but sometimes, the law just doesn't work all the time and it becomes a question of balancing the scale.

A van from New York One news station pulls up to the scene along with a group of reporters, ready to spin the story, as they always do.

"Captain Cragen!"

"Here comes the shit storm," Fin grouses.

"Captain Cragen, can you tell us what happened tonight?"

"Captain, was Thomas Crane really guilty?"

"Did a cop kill another cop?"

"At this time, I have no comments to those questions," Cragen says. "But as of fifteen minutes ago, the Hernandez case, and now the Crane case are no longer Special Victims' Unit cases, and my detectives and myself have been instructed to stay hands off. Thank you."

He walks back toward the other detectives.

"All of you go home," Cragen instructs. "There's nothing more that we can do here."

With that Cragen turns and goes back over to his car.

Fin and Munch head out, and Elliot and Olivia follow.

"You want to go get a drink or something?" Elliot asks.

"El, you need to go see your family," Olivia says. "They haven't seen your face in two days. I'm actually going to check up on Case…she got sick so I'll call you later, alright? Go be with Kath and the kids."

"Okay," he says, then he furrows his eyebrows when he looks past Olivia at a woman with short brown hair, clutching her purse to herself. There are tears running down her eyes.

"What?" Olivia asks.

"Isn't that Kralik's widow?" He asks, and Olivia turns to look.

"Yeah, I think so," Olivia says.

Marion Kralik approaches them, sniffling and wiping her tears.

"Mrs. Kralik?" Olivia inquires.

"Yes," Marion says. "Thomas is dead?"

"Yes ma'am," Olivia says. "I'm sorry Mrs. Kralik."

Marion shakes her head. "It's not right…it just isn't right."

With that, Marion heads off.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Chester makes it a point to hold his head up high as he is escorted down the hallway of the 32nd precinct to the processing unit. He is not ashamed of what he did, and he is willing to face the consequences. He's never been one to blame others for his mistakes, not even as a child. He has always taken responsibility for his actions, and he's never made excuses for things he's done or hasn't done.

On the way to the precinct, there'd been no conversation past him confirming that he does understand his rights. Donovan and Meyers, the arresting officers hadn't said a word, and that had been okay with Chester. It was already awkward enough that cops were arresting a cop, so what else was there to be said? The silence had allowed him to gather his thoughts and to prepare himself for the long hours and subsequently, days ahead.

When they'd first arrived to the precinct, he'd been taken to the fourth floor to the homicide unit. It had only taken maybe twenty minutes to confess and write out and sign his statement.

Now, they are downstairs, and he is on his way to the holding cell.

There is a tall, but rather overweight officer with a clip board in hand, writing down something.

"Full name, please," the officer, Officer Davis asks, not looking up from his clipboard.

"Chester Michael Lake," Chester says as he feels the handcuffs being taken from around his wrists.

"Date of birth?"

"December 5, 1973."

"Height?"

"Six feet."

"Weight?"

"One eighty."

"Are you under the influence of any drugs or alcohol?"

"No."

"Are you currently on any medications?"

"No."

After Officer Davis takes down the essential information then he escorts Chester down to be fingerprinted. Chester presents his hands, palms down, fingers spread in anticipation of those instructions.

He admits to himself that being on the other side is uncomfortable and disconcerting, but it helps to know what he's in for, to know the process. He supposes that it would be different if didn't have any inside knowledge of police matters. Since he knows it all like the back of his hand, it makes things a bit less complicated for him.

After he is printed, he is handed a name plate.

"Please stand on this yellow line here, face forward."

He does as he is asked. There is a flash from the camera, taking his mug shots.

"Turn to your left."

Another flash.

"Turn to your right."

Another flash.

The name plate is taken from him then he is taken to the properties clerk. The clerk is a middle aged woman with a mole in the middle of her chin, and salt and pepper hair that looked like straw sitting in a mass on top of her head. She isn't too pleasant looking over all, and it is clear that she would much rather be home than at her post.

She hands him a plastic bag.

"Please place any and all personal property into this bag," she says. "Please be notified that the department is not liable for any lost, stolen, or damaged property. Your property will be checked out and returned to you upon your release or before prison transport. Do you understand these policies?"

"Yeah," Chester says.

He first takes out his wallet from his back pocket and he opens it up, taking a look at a picture. He sighs and closes his wallet and places it into the bag. Next he puts his watch into the bag then he takes out his cell phone. He flips it open and sends a text message, then he turns it off, closes it and puts it into the bag as well.

He hands the bag back to the clerk who then writes on the bag and then puts it into a bin next to her.

"Have a nice evening."

Officer Davis takes him further down the hall and into the holding cells.

He slides open the gate and Chester steps in.

"You'll get your first phone call in a couple of hours," Officer Davis says. "You'll be escorted to the courthouse at seven AM for arraignment. Nighty-night."

Chester turns round and he sees two women, both of them hookers and another man in the cell they are sharing for the night. He takes his jacket off and then he drapes it over the bench in the center of the cell before sitting. He rests his elbows on his knees and looks down at the concrete floor. He knows that he won't get his first phone call in a couple of hours, judging from how crowded the holding cells already are. He expects that he will get his first phone call at least after two o'clock in the morning, and that he won't get his next meal until he arrives at Rikers Island.

He sighs and lays onto his back on the bench, placing a hand under his head, and then he settles in for the longest night of his life.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Casey is more than a little exhausted as she sits on the toilet seat in her bathroom, nothing but a tank top and panties on mainly trying to cope with everything that's happened, and thinking of her next move. When her feet had finally allowed, Casey managed to get herself to her car and head home. She is tired, sick, and nervous, but she will not be able to sleep tonight.

The tears come again, and she buries her face in her hands.

There were always _those_ cases. The ones where they stirred up her righteous indignation and caused her to put everything she consciously believes in on the line in order to win. She just couldn't help herself. This time, though, no one won this one. There'd been losses all around and she cannot decide if it'd all been worth it yet.

She has to meet with Jack McCoy in the morning about her position as ADA. She will most likely resign, just to divert the attention away from the office itself and it will just make things easier on both herself and McCoy. Her pride is hurt, and she really doesn't want to give up her position, nor does she want to face the disciplinary board in two weeks. She doesn't know what she will do if her license is suspended, but she thinks that maybe it just might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. She will have the time to think about other aspects of her life.

She runs her fingers through her hair then she gets up and stares at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are red and bloodshot from all of her crying, and her cheeks are stained with tears. She takes in a deep breath then she lets it out. She bites her lower lip as she opens her medicine cabinet and takes out a box. She closes the cabinet and then she inspects the box.

It is a Clearblue pregnancy test kit, and she figures now is as good a time as any to take it. She's been putting it off for three weeks now, not completely convinced that she may be pregnant. Even with feeling nausea and dizziness in the mornings, with her moods beginning to spiral out of her control, and her craving for mangoes and bananas, both which she can't stand, she didn't want to even think of being pregnant as a possibility. Skipping her period prompted her to buy the test, but she'd been too stubborn to take it.

She opens up the box and takes out the test, then she flips the box over to see how long it will take for the result to show. It is a digital read out, so she doesn't have any lines to worry about. It will take two minutes.

She takes the test, then she replaces the cap back onto the test strip end, and places it onto the counter with the window face down.

By the time she finishes using the bathroom, the test beeps, indicating that the result is ready. She stares at the test for a moment, contemplating whether she really wants to know or not, but the rational part of her knows that she will know one way or the other, the only difference being time. She swallows thickly then she picks up the test and flips it over.

PREGNANT.

She grins a bit, and puts the test down. She sits on the toilet again and her hands immediately go to her abdomen. She rubs over her stomach and she begins to get used to the idea of a baby. She has always wanted to be a mother. Of course, certain things have taken a backseat to her career, but now, she feels blessed with the opportunity to become a mother. She closes her eyes and a smile blooms on her face and she feels the tears running down her cheeks. She wipes her cheeks and sighs.

"Okay," she says quietly as she gets up.

She picks up the test and puts it into the box and then throws the box away.

Casey pushes her hair behind her ears.

She supposes she is seven, maybe eight weeks along so she isn't showing yet, but she can't wait until she does show. She can't wait to see her baby's first picture, to feel her baby move inside her. She already feels overwhelming love for her baby and it is amazing to her because she imagines that right now, it is probably very tiny. The thought causes a tear to spill over onto her cheek and she catches it, then she goes out of her bathroom.

She picks up a pair of jeans that she had draped over the chair in her room.

She pulls them on and then she grabs a light jacket from her closet. She goes over to her bedside table and picks up her phone. She sees the little light flashing, indicating a message. She flips open her phone and she opens her inbox and then the message. When she reads it, her hand goes to rest on her abdomen again.

****

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I LOVE YOU.

Casey flips her phone closed, then she goes downstairs.

She goes into the kitchen to make herself some tea on the go. She grabs her travel mug and then she puts some water in it and pops it into the microwave to warm up the water. She takes out a box containing chamomile tea and as she takes out a bag, the doorbell rings.

She goes over to the front door and looks out the peephole and sees that it is Olivia. Casey opens up the door.

"Hey," she says. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check up on you," Olivia explains. "Are you still sick?"

"Um, no," Casey says. "Come in, Liv."

Olivia steps into Casey's house and goes to sit on the couch.

"You want something to drink?" Casey asks as she goes into the kitchen.

"No thanks," Olivia says. "Are you sure you're alright? You still look a little pale."

"I'm fine," Casey assures Olivia as she sits down on the couch next to her friend. "I was just uh…nervous. You know…from everything that's gone on."

"Yeah, what a night, huh?" Olivia sighs.

Casey shakes her head, her hands going to her abdomen of their own volition.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Casey says quietly. "If I hadn't let that case go wrong…"

"You didn't know that Lake would go out and kill Crane," Olivia says. "That case was wrong from the start…we should have gotten more against Crane."

Casey bites her lower lip.

"We had him cold," she says. "That bastard deserved to rot in hell for what he did."

Olivia nods her agreement. "It's kind of a sick irony. Chester was found innocent of murder, only to go and commit one."

Casey gets up with a sigh.

"I have to go, Liv," she says.

"Where are you off to?" Olivia asks, looking at her watch. "It's late, honey."

"I have to go get some things that I forgot at my office," Casey lies quickly. "I'm sorry if I'm being rude."

"No, I'll walk out with you," Olivia says.

Casey goes into her kitchen and she retrieves her travel mug from the microwave and then she fixes up her tea. After she is finished with that task, she grabs her keys and her purse and she heads out with Olivia.

"Call me tomorrow," Olivia says.

"Okay," Casey says, then both women go to get in their cars.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Chester is just about to doze off when he hears the warden's voice.

"Hey Lake," he says. "Wakey, wakey, you got a visitor."

Chester sits up and he gets up and grabs his jacket before he goes over to the gate. The warden slides it open and then he is escorted into another room. He sits down at the table and a moment later, Casey walks in.

"Casey, what are you doing here?" He asks, getting up.

"I didn't know when they'd give you your phone call," she says. "I wanted to see you."

She goes over to him and wraps her arms around his neck before kissing him soundly. He embraces her tightly and returns her kiss in kind. He slips his hands inside her jacket and pulls her even closer as he kisses her.

"Hey," the uniform says, and they break their kiss and look at him. "No conjugal visits."

"No shit," Chester huffs. "Would you just get the fuck out of here? Give us some privacy?"

The uniform looks between them suspiciously then he goes out of the room and closes the door, standing just outside.

Once they are alone, Casey hugs Chester tightly and burrows her face into his neck.

He kisses her forehead, then they pull away and they sit down.

"Did you get my text message?" He asks.

"Yeah," she sighs. "You know that I'm more than worried."

"I know," he says. "But I do love you. I love you more than I could ever love myself."

Casey grins slightly. "That's sweet."

"I try," he shrugs.

She reaches her hands across the table and laces her fingers with his.

"What happened?" She asks.

He shakes his head. "It all just happened…Crane caught me outside of the courthouse. He told me to meet him at nine this evening to talk. He said that he wanted to tell me the truth about what happened to Alyssa Hernandez."

"And you went?" Casey asks a bit angrily. "That bastard tried to kill you not once, but _twice_, Chester. What the hell were you thinking to begin with?"

"I don't know," he says. "It was stupid of me."

"Ya think?" Casey huffs. "Hindsight is a bitch, isn't it?"

"Don't get pissed off," he says. "Just listen."

"Okay," she says, calming down. "Tell me the rest."

"He sounded pretty rattled when he caught me, so I met him," Chester explains further. "When I got there, I was the only one there. He came up behind me, tried to brain me with his gun, but I moved. We fought over his gun and I got it in my hand. He turned his back to me, and he had his arms spread out. He confessed to everything…and then he laughed. The idiot laughed."

"Then you shot him?" Casey asks.

He nods.

"You need to get a lawyer," she says, but he shakes his head.

"I don't need a lawyer," he says. "There's not much a lawyer can do at this point, Case."

"You have to do something to help yourself Chester," she insists. "At least if you get a lawyer, you can argue a justifiable, or try and plead out. You know damn well that if your case goes to trial…they're going to hang you out to dry."

"I killed a man, Casey," he says. "I killed Crane because he needed to be put out of his misery, alright? I take full responsibility for my actions. If I hire a lawyer and try to excuse what I've done, then that makes me no better than the people we work to put away."

"The people we put away are bad people, criminals," she says. "You're not a criminal…and God knows that you're not a bad person. Try and help yourself."

"There's nothing I can do now," he says resignedly. "I'm not afraid, Casey."

"Well I am!" she huffs as she gets up, tears running down her face. "This isn't just about you! It's not just going to be you alone, I'm going to be alone too! This isn't about just you anymore!"

In her heart, Casey knows that Chester didn't murder Crane, at least not intentionally. In the time that she's been in a relationship with him, she's found that Chester values life, values people, values justice. But then she thinks about the case they have weathered, and she knows that after ten years of chasing ghosts, only to fail again, that had to break his will to follow the rules and have faith in the law. She thinks that perhaps she just doesn't want to face that he had it in him to kill.

"I never meant for any of this to happen, sweetie," he says. "I never wanted to hurt you, you've got to believe that."

"I do," she says quietly as she sits down again.

Chester looks into her green eyes, and they seem brighter than usual, despite the circumstances.

The door opens and the uniform steps in.

"Time's up," he says with a sigh.

Chester and Casey both get up and he hugs her.

"I love you," he says softly.

"I love you too," she sniffles. "What time is your arraignment tomorrow?"

"I'm on the docket for eight thirty," he says.

"I'll see you in the morning, okay?" She says as she kisses his cheek. "I will be there for you, no matter what happens."

They kiss lovingly one last time before Chester gently pulls away. He is taken out of the room and back into the holding cell.

Casey walks out of the room and heads down the hallway to the front of the precinct. The moment she steps outside into the cool night air, she cries. She makes her way onto the street and walks to her car, tears blurring her vision and streaming down her cheeks. She gets into her car and then she rests her head onto the steering wheel, sobbing and her hands on her belly. She is completely devastated and she doesn't know what to do. She hates this feeling; the feeling that she is losing control of her life, the feeling that she is helpless in her attempts to stop the pendulum from swinging.


	2. Chapter Two: No Time To Breathe

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Two: No Time to Breathe

Captain Michael Tucker strides into the Internal Affairs Bureau, files in one hand, and a cup of high octane black coffee in the other. He feels the nervous energy of the other employees in the bureau, and he relishes the sense of control and power that he has over them. He is well on his way to becoming bureau chief; he is thinking that once he gets the ball rolling on the Thomas Crane murder, it will only be a matter of days before he is paraded in front of the press, shaking hands with the police commissioner, accepting his new role as bureau chief, effective immediately.

His ex-wife tells him that he has delusions of grandeur, but of course it looks that way to her, she is a shrink after all. Everything always has a deeper meaning with her. His current wife, Lindsay, is much more appeasing to his ego, and she is just as hungry for his promotion as he is. She is much younger, just about fifteen years his junior, and she owns a small bakery near Hell's Kitchen. She pushes Mike to succeed, and she knows just as well as he does that if he becomes bureau chief, she will be able to reap the benefits, and shoot straight to the A-list of Manhattan's social circle and she will most definitely seize the opportunity to expand her business.

It turns him on slightly that Lindsay is so power hungry, because his former wife, Nina, whom he was married to for twenty years, always stood quietly on the sidelines. She never supported his decision to become an agent for IAB because she had three older brothers, all of them cops, so her prejudice against Internal Affairs had been inherent.

Mike takes another sip of his coffee as he heads straight to the break room. The significance of the file in his hand is, in his opinion, as just as important if someone had finally found the Holy Grail. He knows that what he holds in his hand is gold for him, and he is practically salivating at the thought that he will not only boost his closure rate, but also IAB's public image. A cop killing a cop is perfect fodder for tabloids and the media, and he knows that if he leads his team in the right direction…he cannot even fathom what the future will hold for him.

He walks into the break room and finds his two best agents, Agent Robert "Ham" Hamilton and Agent Mila Fischer enjoying a greasy breakfast, courtesy of McDonald's. Mike grimaces and then he shakes his head of it.

"You're going to have to chuck those plates in about five minutes," he sighs, and Ham and Mila look up, a knowing look on their faces.

"You're not going to tell us what I think you're going to tell us, are you?" Mila asks.

"What do you think I'm going to tell you?" Mike retorts.

"You're going to tell us what she thinks you're going to tell us, but hoping that you don't tell us because she doesn't want to be told what she knows you're going to tell us," Ham says, proud of his circular logic.

Mike scowls at both of them.

"Don't be a smartass, Ham," Mike huffs. "You both are on the Thomas Crane murder. As you both have probably seen, Crane was in the middle of a high profile case. The rape of two fourteen year old girls, and the murder of one of those girls."

"Didn't one of the guys from SVU off Crane?" Mila asks.

"Yeah, Detective Chester Lake," Mike explains. "I want you to go have a talk with CSU and the ME, then after that, I want you to go to Crane's precinct, talk to his CO about his personal affairs."

Mike tosses the file onto the table and then leaves the break room.

Ham and Mila both get up and, as Mike predicted, they simultaneously drop their plates into the trashcan.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

After a sleepless night, Casey had taken a quick shower and dealt with her first nasty bout of true morning sickness. She vomited several times after she got out of the shower, and she'd felt so tired after that she didn't even bother to put on a bit of makeup.

She had quickly dressed and pulled her hair into a sloppy ponytail.

She is now at the courthouse, and she heads up to the third floor, where the arraignment courts are, and she steps right in the middle of the hustle and bustle. She admits to herself that she will miss it all, if her license is suspended. She will miss the days where she is practically sprinting in her stilettos to get to court with minutes to spare. She will miss the adrenaline rush of a high profile case, and the triumphs of winning cases.

She feels a wave of nausea, and the bile immediately rises into her throat. She grimaces and rushes into the ladies' restroom. She goes into a stall and vomits into the toilet, feeling instantly dizzy and getting onto her knees. She coughs up some more and then when she is finished, she sighs and slowly gets up and flushes the toilet. She walks over to the sinks, one hand patting away the sweat on her forehead, and the other is on her abdomen.

She turns on the water and she cups her hands. She swishes water around in her mouth, then she splashes water over her face. She grabs some paper towels and dries off her face then she sighs and looks into the mirror.

Casey remembers exactly when she became pregnant. It'd been a few nights after the Jenna Ludlow case.

She'd gone to Chester's apartment, anxious to see him since they hadn't been able to spend time together in a while. They ordered take out and opened up some good wine and settled in together. They'd gotten slightly drunk, not too, but they were to the point where they didn't feel like leaving the couch, so they made love there.

She smiles when she thinks about that night. They were happy and at that moment when she rested against him afterward, she began to think that she could spend the rest of her life with him.

Her smile fades and she feels the tears coming. She of course never thought that their lives would fall apart like this. She doesn't regret being pregnant, but she thinks that perhaps things would have been a bit easier. It would be easier to let go, but with a baby on the way, she doesn't know how she will ever accept what is happening. She doesn't want to accept it.

Casey wipes her tears and then she walks out of the restroom and she sighs.

She goes down the long hallway to the courtroom where she is sure Chester will be coming into very soon. She takes a seat in the front row so that she can have a chance to at least hug him and say a few things to him before he goes back to jail.

Everything is a blur, and she just thinks about how she will tell Chester that she is pregnant. She is conflicted because her heart is telling her that he didn't kill Crane. She's been in a relationship with him for a little over a year and a half, and she knows him well enough to know when he is hiding something from her. She knows that there is something that he's not telling her about last night. Right now at this point though, she thinks that it is best to wait until they get to the bottom of this whole mess to tell him because he does have the right to know about his baby. She would never keep him from knowing about his child.

The thought of telling him scares her because she doesn't know what the outcome of all of this will be, and she knows that if things to take a turn for the worse, it will be painful for both of them.

"Docket number 1967045 the people versus Chester Lake," the bailiff announces as Chester is brought into the courtroom.

Judge Harold Polona is presiding today, and he is harsh with bail. Casey knows that Chester will be remanded. She knows that is probably what he wants, since he doesn't have a lawyer representing him.

"I understand that you don't have a lawyer, Mr. Lake," Judge Polona begins. "Would you like the court to provide you with a public defender?"

"No, your honor," Chester says.

"Do you at least have a police officer's union representative present?"

"No, I don't, your honor."

"Do you plan on representing yourself?" Judge Polona asks.

"I'm ready to plead, if you don't mind, your honor," Chester sighs.

Casey is digging her fingernails into her palm, and she realizes it when she draws a bit of blood. She brings her palm to her mouth to stop the small bit of blood.

"How do you plead?" Judge Polona asks.

"Guilty," Chester says.

"I'll hear the people on bail, Ms. Howard" Judge Polona says, writing down Chester's guilty plea.

"The people request remand, your honor," ADA Kim Graylek says. "We have a signed confession from the defendant."

"Then it is so ordered," Judge Polona says. "Mr. Lake, I am remanding you to the custody of the state department of corrections to await trial. And Mr. Lake, I highly recommend that you hire a lawyer. Next case."

Chester turns round to see Casey and she gets up and hugs him. He caresses over her back and kisses her cheek.

"Everything's going to be okay," he whispers as he pulls away. "I love you."

"I love you too," she says.

Because of his nervous energy, he struggles with unbuttoning the cuffs of his shirt sleeves so that he can roll them up. She helps him and then she kisses him.

"I'm going to get you out of this," she promises. "I'm going to help you."

"Get some rest, sweetie," he says before the bailiff escorts him toward the doors. "I'll be okay."

Kim Graylek witnessed the lovelorn display, and she is surprised that Casey Novak is on the other side, in love with a murderer. She heard many things about ADA Casey Novak, how she has the highest closure rate than any other ADA, how she has represented SVU for five years instead of the usual two, and how she has slipped up in a big case that just might cost her career.

Casey is sitting down, just taking everything in and Gina approaches her.

"Ms. Novak?" Kim inquires.

Casey looks up. "Yes…"

"Hi, I'm Kim Graylek."

Kim puts out her hand, and Casey extends hers to shake it.

"I'm sorry, where do I know you from?" Casey asks.

"Oh, we've never met," Kim says. "I'm actually from D.C. I used to help legislate for the Office of Violence Against Women…it's a group that actually specializes in the type of victims you work with…"

Casey nods as she begins to walk. "I-I have to go-"

"Uh, Ms. Novak," Kim says with a smile and Casey turns to her, looking none too happy, and it puts Kim off a bit. "I just want to say that I've read about you in D.C. You're an inspiration."

Casey grins a bit. "Thank you."

"It's a lucky thing you were in court today instead of McCoy having to track you down."

"Why is that?" Casey asks.

"So that I can tell you that I'll be looking forward to working SVU with you in a couple of weeks," Kim smiles.

Casey feels sick all over again and she swallows thickly.

"You won't be."

With that, Casey turns and walks out of the courtroom, leaving Kim Graylek to ponder her statement.

Casey can care less about who will be taking her place soon. Right now, she has to find the truth in all of this mess because she knows for sure that Chester didn't murder Crane.

But she will heed Chester's advice on getting some rest, because she is exhausted, and she is getting a headache from lack of sleep. She needs to rest, pull herself together and then figure out how to get Chester out of this situation because their lives depend on it. All she is thinking of is the baby now, and she needs to try and relax because she knows that too much stress can affect her pregnancy.

She gets up and then she goes out of the courtroom.

"Casey!"

She turns round and sees Liz Donnelly walking briskly toward her.

"Hey judge," Casey says. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Elizabeth says, taking in Casey's appearance. "Are you alright? You look a little pale…"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Casey says.

"It's a good thing I caught you here," Liz says. "I wanted to warn you…Jack McCoy has a new ADA lined up and-"

"I know," Casey says. "I had the pleasure of meeting her this morning."

"Oh, then I guess you already know when I say that Kim Graylek is a bitch from hell with a chip as big as this state on her shoulder," Liz quips.

Casey furrows her eyebrows.

"I didn't get that impression from her," Casey says. "In fact, she was laying on her admiration for me pretty thick."

"Of course she was," Liz smirks. "That's what she does because she's two-faced and she plays the game well. Word has it that she screwed her own husband over in D.C. in order to take down a high powered congressman. Now they're in the middle of a nasty divorce. She's trailer park trash, and he's old money."

"That is nasty," Casey frowns.

"When are you set to talk to McCoy?"

"Today."

Liz nods.

"I want you to know Casey that I didn't report you because I have something against you," she explains. "I have no malice toward you, nor do I want to take your job."

Casey nods. "I understand."

"You are a brilliant, tough, gutsy lawyer, Casey," Liz compliments. "And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I have watched you mature and grow into your career over the years…and I don't want to see you fail. I don't know if you've noticed, but over this past year you've changed and not for the better. You've stopped caring."

Casey feels tears springing into her eyes.

"Like I said before," Liz says. "You have lost perspective and you need something to wake you up and get you to see the big picture again."

She sniffles, now suddenly feeling angry. "And what big picture is that?"

"That we have an obligation to uphold and argue the law as honestly and credibly as we can," Liz says firmly. "We cannot bend the rules and try and bury evidence to achieve our own personal definition of justice."

"What is the definition of justice, huh?" Casey asks tearfully. "Because that's what we're supposed to do…get justice for those who can't get it themselves. I just got so sick of telling the victims oh, I'm sorry. Maybe next time we'll get him. Too bad your life got screwed up, too bad the system screwed you over but there's nothing you or I can do about it. "

Liz sighs. "Your attitude toward what you've done lets me know that I've made the right decision."

"Thomas Crane walked on two rapes and a homicide," Casey says, beginning to cry. "That bastard was guilty as sin, Liz. He didn't deserve to live. He helped take that little girl's life. Cecilia Cruz is on her way back to hell. Alyssa Hernandez and Cecilia Cruz had rights, too. The law is supposed to protect the _victims_, not cocky bastards like Crane. People, victims, their families…they put their trust in us to be able to speak for them. Do you really think that they care about rules and technicalities? No. We should do all we can because then, that trust is misplaced, and when that happens, then what's the point?"

Liz sighs. "Is that the way you really see it? Is that how you feel? That the ends justify the means?"

"You're damn right the ends justify the means," Casey hisses. "And how dare you? Just because I may have lost perspective doesn't mean that I've stopped caring. It's because I care that I put my ass on the line. I do care about every single victim that comes into that unit and hell yes, I'm going to fight for them in every way possible."

Liz looks up at Casey. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Casey asks.

"I meant that you've stopped caring about _yourself_."

Casey sniffles and wipes her tears.

Liz puts a hand on Casey's shoulder, leaning in a little closer.

"You need to slow down, Casey," she says quietly. "You're beginning to burn out, and I don't want to see you like that. You have so much to offer and you've done a lot of good. Sometimes, you just have to learn to step back and now is that time."

"You're right," Casey sniffles. "You're absolutely right."

"Take care of _yourself_," Liz advises. "Get some rest and begin to heal. I know that you're hurting and angry. You need to let yourself breathe, Casey."

Casey wipes her tears and nods. "Thanks, Liz."

Liz nods and then Casey heads off.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Ham and Mila walk into the crime lab, flashing their badges at the techs.

"I'm Agent Hamilton, this is Agent Fischer," Hamilton introduces. "Internal Affairs Bureau. What have you got on the Crane murder?"

O'Halleran regards the agents suspiciously.

"You here to jam one of our own up?" He asks. "Lake is a good cop."

"He very well may be," Mila says. "But right now, he's a prime suspect in a murder and we need the evidence to back it up. Now, tell us what you've got."

O'Halleran sighs and then goes over to the table. "I dusted the gun for prints, it was clean. The gun was wiped down, so that was a crap shoot. The bullet is at ballistics, but it should match the gun. It was Crane's own service weapon."

"So that's it?" Ham asks. "It's a damn good thing Lake confessed. We got nothing."

"Not necessarily," O'Halleran says. "It was completely muddy in that empty lot and there was some kind of main break. We found three sets of foot prints at the scene. Two pairs of shoes are male, one size thirteen and the other size twelve and a half. Look at the impressons on this set."

Ham and Mila look at the photo once it is handed to them. Mila furrows her eyebrows.

"That's a woman's heel," Mila observes. "With a label it looks like…Jimmy Choo, size six."

"Dammit," Ham huffs. "Now we got reasonable doubt…Tucker's going to be pissed."

"Maybe not," Mila says. "Could be from earlier in the day. What time did that water main break?"

"Uh, about six o'clock that evening," O'Halleran explains. "They had it under control by seven fifteen."

"That lot is a poplar spot on the hooker stroll," Mila says. "Maybe one of the pros went there for a little business before the murder."

"Nah, you're off on that theory," O'Halleran chuckles. "If it was hooker and John, there'd be a fourth set of foot impressions in the ground, and we didn't see any. And, the steps of whoever the wearer of those heels is took steps around Crane."

"What do you mean?" Mila asks.

"Look at this photo."

Ham inspects it. "Looks like Crane's footprints stayed stationary. So whoever this third guy-"

He pauses with Mila scowls at him.

"_Gal_," he corrects. "Is, she must have had a long talk with Crane."

"We can't interview every woman in New York with a pair of size six Jimmy Choos," Mila chuckles. "Because then _I'd _be a suspect."

"_You_ own heels?"

"Shut up, Ham," Mila huffs.

"Onward to the ME's office," Ham sighs, not looking forward to seeing dead bodies.

He freely admits that he couldn't hack it in homicide when he was first promoted to detective in his late twenties. His weak constitution got in the way, and he decided that his time was better spent investigating and flushing out bad cops within the department because God knows that there were plenty of those in his own precinct. IAB had proved to be a rather cushy job for him, he mostly handles cops running drugs, cops growing their own personal marijuana stashes in abandoned lockers, or cops taking in a little extra illegal cash off the books, but he doesn't do dead bodies.

Mila, on the other hand, can handle anything. She has a gut and nerves of steel, and she can hang with the best of them. She busts his balls several times a day and he lets her because his twenty is fast approaching, and he's done trying to stick it out like a young buck. He's completely ready to retire and head to LA with his wife and children. He wants Mila to have a partner that will challenge her and bust her balls for a change because she needs it.

"Are you sure you want to go?" Mila asks as they head out of the lab. "You know how you get around dead bodies."

"I can take it," Ham sighs.

"Sure you can, big boy," Mila says as she pats his corpulent belly.

"So, we've got a third set of footprints at the crime scene, but there's no prints on the damn gun," Ham huffs as he navigates through the last legs of morning traffic. "We've got a confession from Lake, but that's going to be easy to shake, especially if he has a savvy defense lawyer."

Mila is staring straight ahead, her mind not even on the case.

"You know Luke left me the other night?" She says, and Ham furrows his eyebrows.

"Okay, what does that have to do with our case, Fischer?" Ham huffs. "Besides, your boyfriend was a shithead anyway.

Mila combs her fingers through her long, straight, black hair.

"He's not a shithead, okay?" Mila sighs. "I just can't believe he broke up with me."

"Well you'll get over it," Ham says. "Focus on the case, Mila. Look at the file."

Mila opens up the file and looks in it.

"Thomas Crane, over twenty years on the force," she reads. "He has dozens of excessive force and harrassment complaints logged in his jacket…he's divorced with one son, his ex-wife died two years ago from cancer."

"So, the question is, what was our mystery lady doing at the crime scene?" Ham asks. "Girlfriend?"

"Could be," Mila says. "Only his CO will be able to tell us that."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Mila and Ham make the forty five minute drive to the office of Melinda Warner, where she is hard at work carving away at Thomas Crane's dead body.

"Dr. Warner?" Mila asks as she and Ham walk in.

Melinda looks up from cutting open Crane's cranium and she sees two people with badges.

"How may I help you?" She asks.

"I'm Agent Fischer, this is Agent Hamilton from the Internal Affairs Bureau," Mila introduces.

"What's IAB doing investigating a homicide?" Melinda asks.

"Can you tell us the official cause of death?" Ham asks, completely ignoring Melinda's first question.

"Gunshot wound to the temple, it lodged in his brain, which I'm extracting now," Melinda says.

"Close range?" Mila asks.

"Yeah," Melinda says, looking between the two agents. "Can I get back to work now?"

"We have some more questions we'd like to ask you," Mila says. "Did you have anything to do with the controversy surrounding the lab reports on Crane's DNA?"

"Absolutely not," Melinda says indignantly. "I would never put my lab or this office in jeopardy."

"Did you inform Detective Lake about the disparities in the DNA?" Ham asks.

"No, I did not," Melinda says, turning on the saw again. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a cranium to open."

"Not at all," Ham says, looking for an excuse to bolt.

"Thanks for your time," Mila says.

"Okay, our next stop is the fugitive apprehension team," Ham says. "We need to ask the CO about Crane's personal life and try and figure out what woman he might have scorned."

Ham and Mila walk out to their car.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Casey is relieved to finally make it home and she immediately goes upstairs to her bedroom and plops onto her bed. She is completely exhausted mentally and physically, and the mattress under her feels so good. Her hands rest on her flat abdomen and she grins to herself. At least she has something good to look forward to, although she hates that her and Chester's and the baby's future is in jeopardy. Even from their graves, Kralik and Crane were still making life miserable for her and Chester in particular.

__

At least the bastards are dead, Casey thinks. _We're strong enough to handle whatever else falls from this shit storm._

She thinks about what Judge Donnelly told her.

__

Take care of yourself.

She sits up in bed and combs her fingers through her hair. She doesn't know whether to be angry or really take Liz's advice and begin to consider using her situation to her advantage and taking a much needed break. But the thought completely scares her because it's been years since she's had a vacation, let alone taken a day off voluntarily. But she never minded because she loved her job and she needed to be present and available at all times. Of course, Liz has forced her hand in this, and she knows that McCoy will also take the same position on the matter.

A suspension is a career ender, and she knows that life will be difficult for the time in between until she can practice law again. That is _if_ her license is suspended. A censure isn't as bad, she can still do her job, but it does look bad on her record, and she will have to convince her next employer that she will not make the same mistake twice.

She lays back down. All of that pales in comparison as to how much her life will change with a baby in tow. She doesn't want to raise her baby alone. And if worse comes to worse, if her license is suspended for more than just a year, if Chester really is guilty of murder, (though she steadfastly believes that he isn't) and is sent to prison, she will have to figure out what she will do that will support herself and her baby. She can do anything she sets her mind to, and she is confident that she will be able to find something else to do, but she won't be half as happy in a different career path because being a lawyer is what she is passionate about.

Casey bites her lower lip, trying not to cry again, but the tears come anyway.

The events of the last twenty four hours has triggered yet another symptom of her pregnancy: weepiness. Casey doesn't need this right now because she needs to be strong and get through the next few weeks ahead.

She looks over at the clock. It is about eleven o'clock, and she knows that by early evening, Chester will be on his way to Rikers to await his trial. Once he is processed, she won't be able to visit him until Saturday, per the regulations of the prison for friends and family to visit, and it is now Wednesday. She needs to see him before then, to try and convince him to shut up and get himself a lawyer, but now it is too late.

She hates to think it, but things would have been so much easier for them if they weren't in a relationship, but then that meant that she wouldn't be pregnant, and she loves her baby fiercely already. She otherwise wouldn't have been pregnant and she would have let the opportunity pass her by. There is a time for everything, and she knows that it is time for her to become a mother.

But then she thinks of the possibility that she might be alone in this again. She doesn't like to think about that, but it is slowly becoming a reality. She doesn't want that to be their reality.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Thomas Crane was one of the best detectives on this team," Captain Joel Hoyt says as he puts a few files away in his file cabinet. "I hope that bastard Lake fries."

"Well, there may be a problem with that," Mila sighs. "We found a third set of footprints belonging to a woman with size six Jimmy Choo heels. Judging from the pattern of the footprints, we're thinking that this woman may have been known to Crane."

"Did Crane ever talk about his personal life?" Ham asks. "Did he have a girlfriend?"

"Not that I'm aware of," Hoyt shrugs. "After his divorce, he kind of gave up on the whole dating thing. Tommy…he was a private guy, good cop, kept to himself. He did talk about his son a lot. I can't tell you how much he loves that kid."

"He's close with his son?" Mila asks.

"Yeah, especially after his ex-wife died," Hoyt explains. "I don't know what he's going to do now without his father…the kid's kind of in a bad way."

"What's going on with him?" Ham asks.

"Gregory…he got addicted to gambling when his mother got sick," Hoyt sighs. "He was trying to get some money for the medical bills…Tommy gave his entire life savings to pay off the debt. A few months ago, Greg dug himself another hole, and Tommy didn't know what to do. There's no telling what Greg's going to do now without his father…Tommy was a good man. He didn't deserve this."

"Were you aware of any other aspects of Crane's personal life?" Mila asks.

"Are you trying to jam up Tommy from the grave?" Hoyt asks, offended. "Is this the new face of IAB now? Jammin' up good cops and dragging their names through the mud? Why are you here when you should be investigating Lake. It wouldn't surprise me if he had a few skeletons in his closet."

Mila sighs. "You are aware that Thomas Crane was involved in the rape of two young girls, one of which turned up dead?"

Joel sighs. "Yes, I'm aware of it, but he wasn't guilty. I knew that long before the jury. Crane didn't rape those girls. That girl was just lying to protect her status."

Ham sighs.

"Did you know about his friendship with Detective Edward Kralik?"

"Yeah, they came up together in the Bronx," Hoyt says. "They were life long friends, partners too."

"So didn't it strike you as odd that they _both_ happen to be involved in a double rape and murder?" Ham asks.

"Look, alls I know is that Tommy would never do that," Hoyt says indignantly.

"Never mind attempting to kill Detective Lake when he was unarmed and had surrendered?" Mila asks.

"That was a mistake!" Hoyt shouts. "Get the hell out of my unit. Now. And believe me when I say I will be talking to your CO."

"You do that," Ham fires back. "And he'll tell you that Tommy Boy wasn't as squeaky clean as you make him out to be and he'll have your ass if he finds out that you had a hand in the attempted murder of Detective Chester Lake."

"Get out!" Hoyt yells.

The agents walk out of the office and the door slams behind them.

They head out of the squad room, that after receiving scornful gazes from the other members of the unit.

"Well, we got him shook up," Ham sighs as they get onto the elevator.

"I just get so sick of that Blue Line crap," Mila huffs. "Me personally, I think Lake did us all a public service. Even I knew Crane was guilty. I mean, innocent men don't try and take out the lead detective on a rape case…I mean c'mon."

"Either way, the system got him off," Ham says.

"Yeah, well," Mila sighs. "The system sucks. I mean, I know Justice is blind and all but…someone needs to lead that bitch in the right direction every once in a while."

Ham chuckles. "You're so eloquent, Fischer."

Mila smiles and shrugs. "You know you like it, Hamlet."


	3. Chapter Three: Jigsaw

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Three: Jigsaw

Casey had nearly forgotten about her meeting with Jack McCoy, that after falling asleep and getting in a much needed nap. The moment she woke up, she realized that she was completely late, and it made her cry. She spent another twenty minutes in her bathroom trying to compose herself and swallowing four Pepto-Bismol caplets to calm her stomach.

Now she is rushing down the hallway of the DA's office to Jack's office, and before she gets there, she stops and takes out her mirror, checking her appearance. She is pale and her eyes are red and bloodshot. She blinks a few times then she pinches her cheeks to put some color back into them then she pockets her mirror. She takes in a deep breath and she knocks on the door to Jack's office.

He is hunched over his desk, writing something on his legal pad, and she knocks again.

He looks up and then he waves her in.

Casey opens up the door and steps in, closing it.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she sighs, combing her fingers through her hair. "I had a rough morning and-"

"Spare me the excuses, Casey," Jack interrupts harshly.

Casey is taken aback by his stern tone, but then again, he has always been a stern man so she quickly realizes that her reaction to him is unwarranted.

"Would you care to explain to me why you tried to bury evidence in a high profile rape case?" He asks.

"I didn't try to bury evidence," she sighs. "I-I know that the reports were dated and stamped but I just…wanted to be absolutely sure. I wanted it to show that it was Crane's DNA. Crane was guilty, Jack."

"Whether he was guilty or not at the time, you denied Detective Crane his civil liberties by withholding official evidence from the defense," he says, getting up from his desk. He begins to pace around his office. "You do realize that your career is in jeopardy, don't you?"

Casey combs her fingers through her hair and she nods. "Yeah. But I'm not sorry for what I did. Crane deserved to rot and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sorry he's dead. To hell with him and Kralik."

Jack looks at her solemnly. "I share your sentiments, Casey, I really do. But this time you've let your personal feelings allow you to cross too far over the line, and you can't possibly expect everyone else to bend over backward for you to make sure that you keep practicing law this way."

Casey nods. "I met Kim Graylek this morning. I hope she's good."

Jack sits at his desk again.

"At first I wanted Kim to sit second chair," he says. "You were getting spread a little too thin, and I thought that Kim would be perfect for you. She specifically asked for SVU. She used to legislate for-"

"The Office of Violence Against Women," Casey finishes. "I know. She told me as much."

"She's got some impressive stats," he says. "I believe that she's the best person to maintain the integrity of her office, and she's passionate, like you. Before all this, I had no plans on ever replacing you…but now that you're compromised…"

__

Am I ever, she thinks to herself, inadvertently placing her hand on her abdomen.

"Don't worry," she assures him. "I'm not going to cause any more trouble for this office…I know I'm going to have to resign my position as ADA."

Jack nods.

"I hate that you're leaving this way," he laments.

"Me too," she sighs.

With that, she walks out.

She quickly exits the building and gets to the parking garage, feeling cold and more alone than ever.

She makes it to her car and she gets in, sighing and resting her head back against the head rest. She puts her hands on her abdomen and rubs over it.

She and Chester are about to make a life and a family together.

That is the reason why she so strongly believes that Chester didn't commit murder. He wouldn't just throw it all away just to kill a man who surely would have gotten his just desserts one way or another. And since she believes that, it also leads her to believe that he is covering for someone. He has to be, and all she needs is just to have a glance at the photos from the crime scene so that she could perhaps force his hand in telling her the truth.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Fin walks into work with a couple of boxes. Munch gets up and begins to help his soon-to-be former partner pack up his desk. Elliot doesn't know what to say now since they are not talking. He has tried to apologize to Fin once before, but it wasn't well received, not that he expected it to be in the first place.

He wants Fin to realize that him pulling his phone records wasn't personal. He was actually trying to protect him. If he were to find something off, then at least he would be the first to know and not anyone else. He is not sorry about the way he went about it because he had expected that if he asked Fin, he would have gotten angry, so he was screwed with Fin's reaction either way.

There is tension in the squad room, and if Fin chooses to go through with his transfer, Elliot doesn't want him to leave on a such a bad note.

Elliot gets up and approaches Fin.

"I got nothing' else to say to you Stabler," Fin says coldly as he opens up the drawers to his desk.

"Fin, c'mon," Elliot says. "Look, I didn't mean to offend you. That wasn't my intent and it wasn't personal, you have to believe that. I'm sorry I didn't just ask you straight up."

"That was all you had to do, Elliot," Fin huffs. "But instead you went behind my back. No…the fact that you even thought I would tip Lake off is pissing me off. I was trying to help him, yeah, but you knew I wouldn't help him run."

"I know," Elliot says. "I just had to be sure."

"That's the problem," Fin says, stepping closer to Elliot. "Eight years I've been working this unit and you weren't sure about whether I'd help one of our own run? You weren't sure about me? Tell me how you really feel, Stabler."

Elliot sighs. At any other point in time, he would have been frustrated, angry, and would have just given up on the matter and let it fester, but he no longer seeks refuge in his pent up rage. Becoming a father again, reuniting with his wife and family, and working on being the person he used to be has caused him to try and sustain the friendships and relationships he has taken for granted for some years now.

"Fin, you know that I have nothing against you," Elliot says. "And all I can do is ask you to forgive me. Whether you do forgive me or not, that's on you. I just don't want you to leave, that is, if you are leaving, like this."

Fin just shakes his head and continues to pack up his things.

Olivia walks in and she notices the tense scene and the solemn look on Elliot's face. His eyes communicate that things are still on shaky ground with Fin, and she sighs and mouths, 'He'll come around.' He nods and sits down at his desk.

Olivia takes off her coat and drapes it over the back of her chair.

"Fin, why don't you at least take a couple more days to think about this?" She asks.

"It's okay Liv," Fin says. "I'm cool. It's time for a change anyway, been doin' this for too long."

"Are you going to come back?" She asks.

"I don't know Liv," Fin says as he packs up his desk. "All I know is I can't stay here."

Olivia sighs. She hates that there is a feud brewing between Elliot and Fin. She knew that Elliot was just trying to do his job and avoid any more trouble that might have come their way. Elliot is not the sort of man to do things to a friend out of spite, he felt like he was protecting Fin by him being the first one to see Fin's phone records. Even though he'd only wanted to give Fin a heads up, Olivia still thinks that he should have just asked Fin to his face if he helped Lake run. She told him to make things right, and Elliot swallowed his pride and tried to patch things up.

Now the ball is in Fin's court, and it doesn't seem like Fin will be in a forgiving mood for a while to come.

Cragen comes out of his office to bid Fin farewell and let him know the status of his transfer.

Fin finishes packing up the last of his things from his desk then he walks over to Cragen.

"I sent out the paperwork," Cragen explains. "I should be getting a response from the higher ups in a few days, and when I do, I'll give you a call, let you know of your options. Until then, you are free to use the vacation time you've accumulated."

Cragen extends his hand and Fin takes it and they give a firm shake.

"You've put in some good work here, detective," Cragen says. "If you ever do decide to come back, there'll be a place for you."

"Thanks Captain," Fin says appreciatively.

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do?" Cragen asks.

"Yeah," Fin says.

"Good luck to you," Cragen says, putting his hands in his pockets.

Fin nods then he goes over to his desk and picks up the box.

"See you around guys," Fin says.

"I'll walk with you," Munch says, then he and Fin walk out of the unit.

Cragen goes back into his office and closes the door.

Elliot rubs his hand over his face.

"I'm such a bastard," he huffs as he sits down at his desk.

Olivia shakes her head.

"That's not true," she says. "Fin knows that you didn't mean to go behind his back. You did the right thing by admitting that you were wrong, now you just have to move on, El. You have to understand that Fin is angry at himself too because of Lake."

"Speaking of Lake," Elliot says discreetly.

"What?" Olivia asks.

"You know how it came up that once a month Chester's been taking off for Philly for some kind of cold case meeting?" Elliot asks.

"Yeah, so what?" She asks.

"Well these meetings are sponsored through the cold case and missing persons units in Philadelphia," he explains. "It was started about fifteen years ago by three retried detectives. They have a website, and out of curiosity, I looked it up."

"What'd you find?" Olivia asks.

"They post their guest book online…" He begins, gesturing for Olivia to come have a look when he pulls it up from his history bar. "I found something interesting."

She comes over and looks at the online guest page.

"Okay, I see Lake's name up there," she says, peering at the screen. "God, I need glasses."

He chuckles. "You're getting old Benson.

"Well, if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black," she smirks

"Anyone else's name look familiar?" He asks.

Olivia scans over the list and then her mouth goes agape.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kim is in her office doing some paperwork, trying to ignore the growling in her stomach for some lunch. She puts her pen down and she sighs.

At thirty four years old, she likes to think of herself as accomplished, even though she left Washington, D.C. in a cloak of shame and headed to New York for a new start and hopefully, new allies because as of the last two years, she's made too many enemies to count, one of them being her own husband. Even though she left in shame, she still feels that she did what she had to do to protect people.

Apparently, Jack McCoy found that admirable, and requested that she sit second chair for Casey Novak, the ADA for Manhattan SVU. Kim jumped at the chance eager to meet Casey.

She knows that she has some big shoes to fill.

So far, next to Alex Cabot, Casey Novak had been the most aggressive ADA and Casey also holds the highest closure rate than any other ADA in the borough. Casey's stats intimidating.

All she has to do is wrap up the murder case she is handling, which is mostly being run by IAB at the moment, so she literally has no information and she'd been lucky that there had even been an arraignment. Ironically, she is prosecuting one of the detectives from Manhattan SVU, Detective Chester Lake.

Ever since earlier in the morning, Casey Novak's presence and obvious intimate connection with Detective Lake struck her as odd.

When she exited the courtroom, she saw Judge Elizabeth Donnelly speaking with Casey and Casey looked pretty upset.

The whole case just doesn't seem right to her, and she is even thinking that she may just forgo a trial and offer Chester Lake a deal. He is refusing counsel, but he will get a court appointed one very soon anyway.

Kim wonders what the hell she got herself into.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Mila and Ham stroll along the grounds of Hudson University to look for Gregory Crane. They got word from one of his dorm mates that his favorite studying spot would be along the grounds.

"I wish I'd chosen Hudson," Mila sighs as she looks around.

"Where'd you go to college?" Ham asks.

"Michigan State," Mila explains. "I followed my best friend there, but by the end of the first semester, we grew apart. I was the supposed lesbian jock and she was the frilly sorority girl."

"At least you got to experience the 'college life,'" he laments. "I went to community college."

"Community colleges aren't that bad," Mila shrugs. "At least your parents aren't up to their eyeballs in debt like mine are. Student loans are a bitch."

"I paid my own way," he says. "By then, Lilly and I were already married and she was working two jobs and going to night school. Money was tight then."

Mila shrugs. "The coed experience is so overrated."

Ham spots a young man matching Gregory Crane's picture.

"There he is," he says, pointing out the nineteen year old to Mila. "Head buried in a book just like they said."

The approach Gregory.

"Gregory Crane?" Mila inquires, and he looks up.

"Yeah?"

"I'm Mila Fischer, this is my partner Robert Hamilton," Mila introduces. "We're from the Internal Affairs Bureau."

Gregory closes his book, and then he takes off his glasses.

"You here about my dad?" He asks.

"Yeah," Ham says as he sits down on the bench next to Gregory. He notices his textbook. "Ah, you're studying forensics…pretty good field."

"Yeah, um," Gregory says solemnly. "My dad wanted me to be a cop like him but…I'm a geek. I prefer the science of it all."

"We're very sorry for your loss," Mila says.

Gregory nods. "I heard he was shot by another cop…"

"Well, we have some other evidence that leads us to believe that there might have been a third person there," Mila explains. "There were footprints made by a woman's shoe…size six Jimmy Choos."

Gregory shrugs and shakes his head. "And that means what to me?"

"Well, your dad's commanding officer told us that you and your dad were close," Mila says. "And since you two were close, we wanted to ask you if your dad might have been seeing someone. Did he have a girlfriend?"

Gregory sighs. "No. After he and mom split, he never dated. I don't think he ever just hooked up with anyone."

"Did he have any close female friends?" Ham asks.

Gregory shakes his head. "Not that I'm aware of."

Ham sighs. "We know about your gambling addiction…"

"Yeah, and I'm going to gambler's anonymous," Gregory huffs. "I'm working two shifts to try and pay off the debt. My dad used everything he had to pay off my first debt…I wish he hadn't because I know I was a fool and I was willing to take whatever punishment the bookies would dish out."

"What bookies are you dealing with?" Mila asks.

"Armenians," Gregory sighs. "They're not as brutal or strict as the Russians or the Italians…I'm lucky because I'm not what they call 'in blood' yet."

"What does that mean?" Ham asks.

"It means that if you cross an Armenian, they have a system," Gregory says. "It's like their own personal code of justice. If you're caught cheating, stealing, if you're not making an effort to try and pay back the money or you hurt a woman or a child, you're in blood."

"Has your dad ever come in contact with the Armenians the first time he paid off your debt?" Mila asks.

"Yeah," Gregory says. "But it was only to pay off the money. He didn't hurt anybody. Please, don't go looking into the Armenians. They find out I told you about them, I'm dead."

"We're not going to talk to the Armenians," Ham says. "We're not interested in them."

"Do you know if your dad might have maybe…hired a hooker?" Mila asks.

"He was a cop," Gregory says angrily.

"Cops have vices too, Greg," Ham says.

Gregory looks at his watch. "I gotta get to class."

With that, he gathers up his books and his bag and heads off.

Ham stands up.

"Okay, I'm guessing this mystery woman angle is a dead end," he sighs. "The next best thing is to talk to Detective Lake about what happened."

"Not yet," Mila says. "We can talk to Lake later…I don't believe for a second that Crane didn't have at least one female friend…"

"Look, maybe a pro tried to court him and he turned her down before Lake showed up," Ham shrugs. "The place is a popular spot on the hooker stroll, like you said before."

"Nah," Mila says. "There's something very odd about this whole thing, I just can't put my finger on it."

"So what?" Ham says. "You think Lake might be innocent?"

"I don't know," Mila sighs. "There's just something not right..."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

O'Halloran takes the weapon used in Thomas Crane's murder and begins to inspect it further. In an investigation, the slightest bit of evidence can make or break a case. That is why Ryan is always thorough with every case that he gets. It is part of the thrill for him to find something that people would normally miss and he feels like a detective himself.

He pulls the barrel of the gun back, and he turns it over, inspecting its underside.

What he finds is interesting.

"Hey Smith," he calls.

"What?"

"Can you bring me an evidence bag and a pair of tweezers?"

"Sure."

Smith retrieves the items from the supply shelf then he comes over and hands the tweezers to O'Halloran.

"Thanks," he says as he carefully removes a slightly bloodied small piece of cloth from the gun.

"What have you got?"

"Something good, I hope," Ryan says.

Smith opens up the evidence bag and Ryan places the piece of cloth into the bag.

"What do you think that's from?"

"I don't know," Ryan says, grinning a bit. "But there's blood on it, which means this is good for Detective Lake."

"How is that good?" Smith asks.

Ryan takes the bag.

"I'm going to Warner."


	4. Chapter Four: Set In Motion

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Four: Set In Motion

Melinda is in the middle of comparing the very degraded sample of Crane's DNA to a more recent sample. She looks back and forth between them, inspecting every line, every strand, interpreting every gene. She blinks her eyes and then she takes out her magnifying glass to take an even closer look. She doesn't know why she is doing this; Crane is dead, and the case is over. Even if he were alive, Casey wouldn't be able to try him again based on a newer, better sample.

She supposes that she is putting her own curiosity to rest.

It is getting late in the evening, and she knows that she needs to go home to her husband and daughter, who are most likely waiting for her to join them for dinner, as she'd promised.

She decides to give it a few more minutes.

She continues to inspect the DNA results and finally, although she doesn't know what difference it will make, she stumbles upon an inconsistency.

There is a knock at the entrance way into her office, and she looks up.

"Hey O'Halloran," she says. "What are you doing here?"

"I think I may have something that will help Chester out," he says as he comes in further.

"What is it?" Melinda asks, getting up.

He holds up a small evidence bag and a vial containing a Q-tip.

"What is that?" Melinda asks, taking the bag.

"It's a piece of cloth, maybe cotton," he says. "I found it on the underside of the barrel, it has blood on it, and I swabbed the barrel for more DNA."

Melinda nods.

"I'll analyze the samples," Melinda says.

"Can you put a rush on it?"

"Of course," she says. "Hey, I want you to see something."

She waves him over to her desk and she places the two DNA results next to each other on her desk.

"What am I looking at?" Ryan asks.

"I extracted another, more viable DNA sample from Crane," she explains. "So that I can possible more thoroughly compare it to the degraded one from the rape kit. I've going over the results all evening, and I found something that's either really good or really bad."

O'Halloran is by no means a DNA expert, but he does have an extended knowledge of it.

He takes the magnifying glass and looks at the results closer.

"You see that line, right there?" She asks.

"Yeah," he says.

"Now look at that one right there," she points out.

"Oh…" he says, slowly straightening up.

She nods.

"Either that's really good, or really bad…I'm guessing really bad."

Melinda nods again.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

In a word, being at the bottom of the food chain in prison sucks.

Chester had barely been in the general pop for two hours after being processed into the prison and it'd been leaked that he was a cop. On the way back from the cafeteria, he'd been jumped by several prisoners who claimed that they had beefs against him.

__

"You sent my cousin to Attica."

"Hey, aren't you that dick cop who testified against my son?"

"You helped put my sister in prison on a crap possession charge."

To that accusation, he'd promptly responded, "I worked homicide, not narcotics, idiot."

That's when the brawl broke out and after the first few punches, it wasn't about him anymore. There were prisoners fighting and tackling all around him and in the chaos, he managed to get himself out of it, a little bruised and bloodied slightly.

The COs broke up the brawl pretty quickly, and that's when one of them, Graves, pulled Chester out of B-block and transported him to isolation.

That had been yesterday evening.

This afternoon, Chester has the pleasure of enjoying company with the likes of a very unbalanced triple murderer, a former mob boss for the Italians, and several others that he doesn't even care to want to know. The one good thing about isolation is that he can take that. He doesn't mind spending time to himself, he needs the time to think at the moment, about the decision he is making.

He's taken all that he's risking into consideration.

First and foremost, his relationship with Casey. He knows that this entire situation is hurting her, and he takes full responsibility for that. He should have never let her fight his battles for him. He let her let their relationship steer the course of how she prosecuted, and he let her. For that, he should have apologized. When she visited him in the holding cells, he could tell that she had been crying. She cried in front of him when they were talking.

Chester can't bear the sight of Casey crying. He's seen her cry before, and she's beautiful, but it pains him, especially because for the most part, Casey is a very happy, funny, compassionate, and loving woman and over the past year and a half that he's been with her, she's brought out the best in him and he's completely in love with her. She gets angry, she gets insistent, and stubborn, but it is rare that she cries, so when she does, it makes him ache for her.

The thought of losing her is very real, and it makes what he is doing that much harder.

Secondly, he begins to think about his career.

His days of being a detective are numbered. He knows that his badge will be taken and he won't be getting a pension. He was only skating on thin ice after the incident that happened when he ran, but getting arrested on top of that, he will never be able to recover from that, career wise. He can't do his job from behind bars.

Ten years ago, he promised a grieving father that he'd catch his daughter's killer, and he did, and when the law couldn't follow through on the rest, the rest took care of itself. Chester knows that Hector Hernandez is a good man, and he needs to be there for Cecilia. Chester doesn't think that what Hector did was right, by no means, but he understands it. His child is dead and gone, but he has a young girl whose spirit is just the same.

They deserve a chance to make the life they wanted after suffering for so long.

Frank Lekta, a corrections officer for the isolation block approaches Chester.

"Lake, come with me."

"Why?" Chester asks.

"Your lawyer's here," Frank says. "Wants to have a talk with you."

Obtaining a lawyer was probably Casey's doing.

He follows Frank out of the block and then he is taken through a maze of hallways and vestibules before getting to the private rooms where prisoners can meet with their lawyers.

Frank opens up the door, and Chester is surprised to see Casey once again.

He never forgets that she's stubborn and insistent.

Frank closes the door.

She sees his split lip and black eye and she furrows her eyebrows.

"Chester, what the hell happened?"

"Casey, what the hell are you doing?" He asks, a bit irritated and ignoring her first question. "Did you lie to them? Did you tell them that you were my lawyer?"

"Considering the deep pile of shit that you're in, that should be the last thing on your mind detective," Casey says rather harshly.

Yeah, she's pissed too. Actually, furious, is the more appropriate term.

He sits down.

"Case, I never wanted-"

"What?" She asks.

"I didn't want you to come up here," he sighs.

Casey pushes her hair behind her ears. "I don't know why you're trying to push me away, but you can think about that later. Right now, all I want from you is for you to tell me the truth about the murder. You didn't do it, Chester. I know you. The person that killed Thomas Crane…you are not that person."

She looks a little too pale, but her green eyes are bright. Her eyes are red and puffy and he knows that she's been crying. He wishes that she weren't so determined when it comes to this.

"Casey I-"

"Listen to me," she says, a little softer now. "I know that you're protecting Hector Hernandez. I know that you feel guilty about the case but, you can't just give up everything and walk away from your life…us…it's all over now, so you don't have to carry this on your shoulders anymore. Just let it go because there's so much more to think about…tell me the truth."

He sighs and gets up.

"You should go home, Casey," he says and he heads to the door.

"NO!" She yells, getting up. "You are not just going to walk away from me!"

"This isn't about you!" He yells back. "Alright? This isn't about you, Casey."

"You _have no idea_ what this is doing to me, Chester," she says tearfully. "And I think that it's awfully selfish of you to just leave me alone like this. Y-you can't just leave me…I mean, has the last year and a half meant nothing to you?"

He comes over and hugs her tightly, kissing her forehead.

"I love you more than anything," he says to her, putting his hands on her wet cheeks.

"If you love me, you would tell me the truth," she says, pulling away. "You wouldn't be hurting me. Up until this point, you've trusted me, and I've trusted you, and you've been nothing but honest with me. Why can't you do that now? I just…help me to understand why you feel the need to do this."

"I don't think there's anything that I can say to help you understand," he says. "But I know what I'm doing, sweetie."

"You're breaking my heart," she says. "That's what you're doing."

He gently takes her hand. "I do care about you…I love you and that's never going to change."

She shakes her head.

"No," she begins. "You don't love me the way I thought you did. It's obvious because so willing to let me go."

"I just want you to move on and-"

"I don't want to move on," she says harshly. "What I want is the man that I've shared over a year of my life with. What I want is the man that I love."

Chester tries to think of what to tell her, but the words don't come and she exhales, all of her energy going with it, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I uh," she begins, her voice hitching. "I just want to know…did I…did I make you angry? By losing your case?"

"No," he says, coming closer to her. "No, I'm not angry at you. That…it was my fault. I shouldn't have let you try the case. It was too personal for both of us. I'm not angry at you."

She nods, toying with the idea of telling Chester about her pregnancy.

"Chester I…" She pauses, trying to find the words, but nothing sounds good to her in her mind. "I just want to tell you…"

"What?" He asks, taking her hands in his.

Casey sniffles and looks down at their joined hands.

"I love you," she says, losing her nerve. "And moving on is easier said than done, and mostly because I don't want to. Please…even if you don't want to be with me anymore, don't do _this_. At least we can still be there for each other, at least we can _try_. There's so much more that you're giving up than you realize."

He pulls her into a hug and she closes her eyes.

"I love you," he says and she holds on to him tighter.

"Please just tell me the truth right here and now," she whispers into his ear. "And we'll fix this, us, everything…"

Chester kisses her cheek and then he pulls away.

Casey nods. "I love you too."

She opens up the door and walks out of the room.

After Casey has headed down the hall, Frank comes into the room to escort Chester back to isolation.

"You're a dumbass," he remarks and Chester looks at him.

"Look, I'm not stupid," Frank says. "I knew she wasn't your lawyer. No brief case, no notes, files…not even a friggin' pen. She's obviously your girlfriend or wife, or whatever."

"Can we walk a little faster, please?" Chester asks.

"Sure," Frank says. "Look, I'm not much for talking to inmates but I can read people. You're no hardened criminal. From the looks of your info, you're a good detective and you don't belong on this side with the rest of these assholes. Whatever's going on in your head, you better fix it, because you're an idiot for letting that pretty girl go."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Melinda hears a knock at her entryway and she looks up and sees there is an older man of about sixty or sixty five, with a suit on and a stern look on his face.

"How may I help you sir?" She asks.

"Are you Dr. Melinda Warner?"

"Yes," she says.

"Are you participating in the investigation of the murder of Thomas Crane?"

"Yes."

"May I see the body?"

"Are you a relative, next of kin?" She asks.

"I'm an old friend of the family, and I'd like to take care of the burial," the man says.

"I didn't catch your name sire," Melinda says.

"I'm H.T. Lawson," he introduces himself. "I was a good friend of Thomas Crane's mother. She's been deceased for many years now, and she left the care of his financials in case of death to me."

Melinda nods as she gets up. "Right this way sir."

She leads him into the morgue and she opens up the compartment containing Thomas Crane's body. She pulls out the slab and then she looks at H.T. Lawson, who nods, indicating his readiness to see Crane.

Melinda pulls the sheet back and H.T. sighs and puts his hand on Thomas's cold forehead.

__

I'll make things right for you, Tommy, H.T. thinks to himself. _You didn't deserve to die. Detective Chester Lake will most definitely pay for what he's done. The entire NYPD will pay for killing a son of mine._

"I trust that you will turn the body over to me when the investigation has ended," H.T. says.

"Yes sir," Melinda says.

H.T. nods and then he walks out.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Casey steps out of the tub after taking a long, hot shower, which she desperately needed. She'd woken up this morning and she just barely made it to the toilet to vomit. Over the last couple of days, she'd been alternately sleeping, throwing up, drinking tea, and eating broth with rice to keep her stomach calm. She feels the fatigue down to her bones, and all she wants to do is lie back down. Getting up to take a shower had been a chore, but it relaxed her.

She dries off, then she puts on her robe and begins to brush out her wet hair. As she brushes, she begins to think about what she will tell her family, especially her father. Patrick Novak has always been a stern man, a devout Catholic. He'd had a fit when she told him that she'd moved in with her now deceased ex-fiancee, Charlie. She doesn't know what his reaction will be to her pregnancy, to Chester, and to losing her job.

It worries her slightly because the last thing she wants to do is disappoint her father.

Now that she may lose her career, she can almost see the disappointment and shame in her father's face. It hurts her to think about that.

Casey sets her brush down and she makes sure to take her prenatal vitamins that her doctor had prescribed for her. She'd gone to the doctor yesterday morning, a doctor by the name of George Maitland. He confirmed that she is indeed eight weeks pregnant and he did a sonogram. He called the day after her appointment to inform her that she was due around December twentieth. Her first thought had been that it was perfect because then the baby will have his or her first Christmas.

She goes into her room and she looks at the sonogram picture sitting on her bedside table. Some of the baby's features can already be seen, and it made her so happy to see the life growing inside her. She sits on her bed and she picks up the picture of her baby. Dr. Maitland told her that the baby's heart is already fully formed and functioning, and that all of its vital organs are in place. She found that incredible. At just eight weeks, her baby already has all that it needs to survive. She loves this baby so much…it is an indescribable, impossible, infinite love that she feels already and her baby is no bigger than her thumb. She wonders how much her love will grow when she gives birth.

Alone.

The thought of raising a child alone scares her. She never thought that she'd ever be a single mother. With her career as a lawyer basically over, she not only has to think about finding a job that will support herself and a child, but just coping with raising a child with no father present is what is hardest for her to wrap her head around.

Casey puts the picture back onto her bedside table, and a wave of pain surges through her and tears come.

She covers her face as she cries.

After she calms down, she gets dressed and then she lies down on her bed again, feeling completely depleted of her energy.

The doorbell rings, and she furrows her eyebrows, groaning, wondering who it could possibly be.

Casey gets out of bed slowly so that she doesn't get dizzy and she heads downstairs to the front door.

She looks through the peephole and she sees that it is Olivia and she rolls her eyes. She is in no mood for company. She rests her forehead onto the door, then she reluctantly unlocks the door and opens it up.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey Casey," Olivia says. "What have you been doing? I've been trying to call you for a couple of days, you haven't been answering your cell or home phone."

Casey sighs. "I've been resting…"

Olivia takes in the younger woman's appearance. Casey is wearing a green spaghetti strap top with a purple sweater, and a pair of tattered jeans. Her hair is wavy and pulled back with a black headband. She looks even more sick than she'd been a couple of days ago, and her eyes are puffy and bloodshot from crying.

"Can I come in?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah," Casey says, opening the door wider for Olivia to enter.

Olivia sits on the couch in the den and Casey sits down in the armchair.

"Casey, are you sure you're alright?" Olivia asks. "You look really pale…"

"I'm fine," Casey says.

"I just came over to give you a heads up," Olivia says.

"What's going on now?" Casey asks, dread in her voice.

"IAB is sniffing around," Olivia pauses and looks at her hands. "And they might come to you and ask you questions.

"Why would they want to talk to me?" Casey asks.

"Elliot went on the website for the cold case meetings that Chester always went to," Olivia explains. "They post the guest book from every meeting online…Chester's name was on there, and your name was on there too from last month."

Casey crosses her arms over her chest.

"So? What does that have to do with me?"

"I think you know," Olivia says, looking at the younger woman knowingly.

"It's no one's business."

"Case…no one else knew about Lake's trips to Philly up until this whole thing started," Olivia says, standing up. "How did you know about it, and how'd you end up going?"

Casey takes in a deep breath and bites her lower lip. Olivia knows that is Casey's nervous habit.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Casey asks, getting up.

"No thank you," Olivia says. "Don't change the subject. Tell me what's going on."

"It's _none of your business_," Casey frowns.

"It is my business, because you're my friend, and I don't want you getting in more trouble than what you already are," Olivia says softly.

Casey sits down again.

"Cragen told us about Donnelly reporting you to the bar," Olivia says.

Casey looks away.

"IAB is going to find out about you being in Philly at the same time he was."

"That doesn't prove anything," Casey huffs. "It's just two colleagues in Philly."

"That is bullshit, Case," Olivia says. "And that's not the way IAB is going to see it. They may not be that smart, but they're certainly not dumb."

"I don't give a crap about what IAB thinks," Casey hisses. "It doesn't give them carblance to dig into my personal life and just assume things."

"Casey, while that may be true, they're going to do it anyway," Olivia says. "And it'll be better if you just talk about it to someone you trust."

Casey furrows her eyebrows.

"What do you want from me?" She asks angrily.

"I want you to talk to me," Olivia insists. "I want you to tell me the truth. Did you know that Chester was going to kill Crane?"

"What makes you so goddamn sure that he did?!" Casey yells tearfully. "You didn't even know Chester! None of you did, so how can you be so sure that he'd kill someone?"

Casey sniffles and wipes a tear falling down her cheek.

It is with that outburst, that Olivia draws the most obvious answer to her many questions as to the extent of Casey's involvement.

Her mouth forms an O then she speaks.

"That's why you knew about the Hernandez case long before any of us," Olivia concludes. "Pillow talk."

Casey swallows thickly. "Chester and I have been together for a year and a half."

Olivia nods. "That explains why you were in Philly with him, too."

Casey nods. "Up until a few months ago, I never got involved with his case. I mean, of course I listened whenever Chester talked about it, but I never brought it up."

"When did Chester first tell you about the Hernandez case?"

"About six months in," Casey sighs. "He never really liked talking about work when we were together, which was fine with me but…he came over here and he was in a real bad mood and he was taking it out on me. I told him to tell me what was wrong. That's when he told me about the Hernandez case."

"How did you end up going with him to Philly?"

"One night I was staying at his place. He fell asleep on the couch and he had the file spread out on the coffee table. I didn't want to wake him because he's a light sleeper so…I snooped."

"And what? You thought you'd take up his cause too?"

"It wasn't anything like that," Casey huffs. "The people that go to that meeting…they're not bloodthirsty vigilantes or anything. They don't cut corners to close their cold cases. They're by the book, and they use every legal avenue available to solve their cases. Most of the time though, it's a crap shoot for some of them and for the better half of the people that go, it's…an outlet. Chester told me that he didn't want to shut me out of that part of his life, so he asked me to come with him. I thought it was sweet of him so I went."

Olivia shakes her head before speaking again. "Why didn't either of you say anything?"

"Chester is a very private person…and anyway, he was still working in Brooklyn when we first started dating and when he transferred to the unit, he didn't know any of you and it's not like you or the guys made an effort to get to know him."

"You could have told me," Olivia says, a bit offended. "You could have trusted me."

Casey sighs. "I know, and I hated not telling you, but I didn't out of respect for him."

Olivia nods.

"That night…" Casey says tearfully. "We argued. Chester said that he was going to meet someone about his case and I got upset at him. It didn't sound right, and I told him he shouldn't go. He got angry at me, and we started yelling…I told him that he should just let it go, that you can't win all the time and he called me a hypocrite. I told him that I didn't care what he did and I went out too…"

"Case…" Olivia says softly.

Casey wipes the tears fall down her cheeks. "While I was at that stupid function, Chester was nearly getting killed. I didn't even remember that until now…I didn't even apologize. Chester has always been there for me and the one time when he needed me most, I left him alone. None of this would've happened if I was there."

"Casey, you had no control over what happened," Olivia says.

"I screwed everything up," Casey says quietly. "I just wanted it to be over…I wanted Chester to have some closure so that this case won't be hanging over his head for the rest of his life. This whole thing is my fault because I let my feelings for him get in the way. I told myself that I should do it because I love him, when I should have just handed the case to someone else."

"You're not making things any better by blaming yourself," Olivia says.

"I just feel like we're losing everything," Casey says. "I never thought any of this would happen…I should have never let Chester go to that place alone. I should have been there for him because he would have never gotten shot and none of this would have happened…"

"Sweets, Thomas Crane was only interested in saving his own ass," Olivia says. "You would have gotten hurt too."

Casey gets up and she goes to look out the window, arms crossed over her chest.

"Before all this…we were happy, Liv."

Casey turns to Olivia.

"I'm pregnant."

"Does Chester know?" Olivia asks.

"No," Casey says. "I only found out last week. I mean…I've had a feeling that I might be pregnant for weeks. I bought a test, but never took it. I was going to tell Chester that I might be pregnant so we could find out together…that was shot to hell obviously."

"You need to tell him, Case," Olivia urges. "How far along are you?"

"Eight weeks," Casey says.

"Maybe that's why you wanted to close the case so badly," Olivia suggests. "You were afraid of losing him to it."

"Either way, at the moment, I am," Casey sighs. "I went to visit him in prison, and I begged him to tell me the truth, to tell me what I know is true, but he's already made up his mind. I wanted to tell Chester about the baby, but…"

"What?" Olivia asks.

"Telling him would make this all real and even more painful for me," Casey explains.

"Well…do you plan on ever telling him?" Olivia asks. "Because he has a right to know."

Casey shrugs. "I don't know now. At first I was so sure that I would, that I couldn't do that to him, but I'm thinking about the baby. What kind of childhood is that? Knowing that your father is in prison, spending weekends going back and forth for visitor's hours?"

"Sweets, you can't keep this from him," Olivia says. "You're emotional and not thinking straight…you think he's innocent, and even if he doesn't say so, the evidence will, if that's what it proves. You have to tell him."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," the younger woman says. "I just want to be alone right now, so…can you please just go?"

"Case I think-"

"I don't give a damn about what you think or what you think I should do!" Casey yells. "Just leave me alone!"

Olivia sighs and she stands up and leaves Casey's house.


	5. Chapter Five: Verdad

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Five: _Verdad_

Mila and Ham walk into the morgue that after receiving an urgent call from her in the middle of their lunch break.

"I hate Tuesdays," Mila laments. "I'm tired, I'm hungry…"

"Ah, get over it Fischer," Ham says.

"How can you say that?" Mila argues. "You've got enough fat stores to last two winters. I, on the other hand, am at an ideal weight and not anorexic. I need sustenance. I need some chocolate and a big, juicy burger, and some salty fries."

Ham looks at her. "It's that time of the month, isn't it?"

She punches him in his arm and he chuckles. "I barely felt that, what with my fat stores and all."

"Shut up."

They walk into Melinda's office and she gets up from her desk.

"What have you got?" Mila asks.

"First off, I have some bad news pertaining to the Hernandez case," she begins.

"That case is closed," Ham says.

"Well, now there's a reason to re-open it, at least for murder," Melinda explains as she takes them over to the display. "Just out of curiosity, I took a fresh DNA sample from Thomas Crane to compare it more closely to the sample from the rape kit ten years ago…for the most part, some of the DNA is a match, up until the last three lines right here, see?"

"You're the expert doc," Ham says.

Mila takes a closer look. "Yeah, I can see the difference…so what does that mean?"

"Well, judging from the sample, I'd say that Thomas Crane was innocent of rape, at the very least," Melinda says.

"Shit," Ham huffs. "Then who are we looking for?"

"I'd say there's a close male relative you should be looking for," Melinda says. "You see, the samples have different mitochondrial DNA, so they have different mothers, but they do have the same father."

"Great," Mila sighs. "So Lake might have killed an innocent man. That-that's just wonderful."

"Well, since you're in the mood for more bad news," Melinda says. "I can tell you right here and now, that Detective Lake did _not_ kill Thomas Crane."

"Well, if he didn't, then who did?" Mila asks.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Dave Foster looks around the diner for Bill Janssen. He was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago, and he wonders what the hold up is because he's got to get back on his shift. He looks at his watch and decides that if Bill doesn't show up in the next five minutes, he will have to cancel.

Just as he nervously looks at the clock, Bill walks into the restaurant, and Dave waves him over.

Bill approaches him and sits across from him in the booth.

"You better make this fast," Dave says. "My CO's already on my ass about my tardiness…"

"I'll be brief," Bill says. "Look, I need you to do something for me."

"Anything," Dave says.

Bill Janssen and Dave Foster have been best friends since the academy. They are practically like brothers, and Dave's level of loyalty toward Janssen has gotten him into his share of trouble, but each time, he thinks that Janssen deserved his loyalty. Bill, on the other hand, is friends with Dave, but he admits that he takes advantage of Dave's staunch loyalty.

"I need you to make a call to Riker's," Janssen instructs. "I know a CO in there who owes me a favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"The permanent kind," Bill says.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Fin looks around the cafeteria at Hudson University, feeling rather uncomfortable at the sight of all the caffeine addicted, snack-monster kids crowding the academic institution. Fin didn't go to an expensive, four year university. In fact, as a kid, the thought never crossed his mind. He grew up in a poor neighborhood, around bad influences, and for a while in his teens, he got a little caught up in the fray. But he decided to straighten himself out. Went to trade school, then the police academy.

He's made mistakes along the way; abandoning his wife, not being a good father for his son, among other things. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that it is too late to try and recapture those moments he missed when Quasi (now Ken) had been a child. When he reconnected with his son, he knew that it would be futile to try and recall his son's childhood, to try and conjure up those images to fill the void. He just focuses on the present and he's proud of his son for becoming a responsible, goal-oriented young man.

Fin looks at his watch, yet he doesn't know why, considering that he's taken some time off from work. He doesn't know where he will transfer too, but wherever he goes, he's sure that it will be better than SVU at the moment. With Lake going to prison, and just the guilt over not taking the time to get to know his semi-new partner, he feels that if he had known Chester Lake, then he probably could have stopped what is currently happening now.

"Dad."

Fin looks up and he sees his son sitting down in the chair across from him.

"Hey," Fin says, not really knowing what to say.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Ken asks, looking at his watch. "And, this has gotta be quick, I've got to haul ass to my class to start the final exam on time."

"I won't take up too much of your time," Fin says. "I've just uh…been having a rough few weeks. Made me think about you. How've you been doing?"

Ken sighs. "I'm good, dad. I got a place of my own."

Fin chuckles. "Got yourself a tricked out bachelor pad now, huh?"

Ken grins and shakes his head. "Nah, more like a geek lair. I've got two roommates to help with the rent. We're all science nerds who keep to ourselves and keep the place clean."

"Sound's like a real hot spot to get down," Fin teases.

Ken shrugs.

"So…how's everyone at the job? How's Liv?"

Fin has never been able to understand why Ken attached himself to Olivia. Perhaps it is just her motherly presence, because sometimes, it even permeates him.

"Liv's doing okay," he says. "She asks about you a lot. Everyone else…pretty good. But um…Ken, I'm transferring out of SVU."

A look of shock crosses Ken's face.

"What?"

"There's some bad blood between me and Stabler right now," he explains. "And the last case I had took a lot out of me. I'm ready to go."

"Are you kidding me?" Ken asks a bit angrily. "Yeah sure, Stabler's an asshole, but you can't just leave."

"Ken, I've already put in the papers," Fin says. "I've been on that unit eight years, man. And this isn't the first time I've thought about leaving. This is just the first time I've actually turned words into actions."

Ken sits back in his chair.

"You not leaving because you feel it's time to go," he says. "You're leaving 'cause someone pissed you off, and that's never a good reason."

"That's not the only reason," Fin says.

"Don't lie, dad," Ken says.

"Well it's my job, my decision."

"Whatever…you know," Ken begins. "When I was a kid, and you and mom argued, you would always tell her she didn't understand, that she didn't get you, or the job. I always hated when you said that because I knew kids whose parents were cops and they all managed to get home on time. I never believed that you bustin' drug dealers and crack heads was from some noble or moral obligation. You did it to get away from us because you were angry just like mom and I were angry. For a long time, I hated you for it."

Fin looks down at his hands, feeling heartsick at the thought of his own son hating him at one point or another.

"But when you joined SVU…" Ken continues. "Seeing you helping victims, taking down the pervs, and people who hurt kids…your job meant nothing to me until you went to SVU. I…I saw you, dad. Who you really are."

Fin sighs.

"Face it," Ken says. "You're leaving because Stabler pissed you off…especially since pissing people off is Stabler's second job, everyone knows that. It's a poor excuse. You're punkin' out dad, whether you want to realize it or not. You're punkin' out and disappointing me."

With that, Ken looks at his watch. "I've got to get to class."

"Okay," Fin says.

"I'll see you."

"Alright. I love you, son."

Ken nods, then he turns and heads on his way.

Fin gets up and he heads out to the parking garage.

His cell phone rings and he answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey Fin, it's me."

"Hey Liv," he says. "What's up?"

"I need your help with something," she sighs.

"With what, exactly?" He asks.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Casey checks the piece of paper containing Hector Hernandez's apartment number on it one more time. She confirms that the address she has from the court documents is correct and then she walks down the hallway and she knocks on the door.

She steps back and she waits for a couple of minutes.

The neighborhood Hector lives in is a pretty nice one and the building he lives in is old, but well taken care of.

The door opens and she sees Hector.

"Ms. Novak?"

"I um-is this a bad time?" Casey asks.

"No," Hector says, opening the door wider. "Please, come in, Ms. Novak."

"Casey, please," Casey says as she walks into his apartment.

He closes the door then he gestures his hand to the sofa and she sits down. His apartment is tidy, small, but quaint. He is a religious man, she can tell because of all the Catholic paraphernalia. Seeing the different crosses and the candles makes her feel strangely more at peace in this moment than she has been over the last few weeks.

"I have heard on the news about Detective Lake," Hector says as he sits down on the loveseat. "I am so sorry."

Casey sighs.

"Mr. Hernandez," Casey begins tentatively. "I don't believe Chester killed the man that helped kill your daughter."

"They why has he been arrested?" Hector asks.

"Because he did confess," Casey explains. "But I know in my heart that Chester is innocent. I believe that he confessed to protect someone else…"

Hector immediately understands what she is talking about and anger crosses his features.

"What are you saying?" He asks. "Are you accusing me?"

"Where were you the night Thomas Crane was murdered?" She asks.

Hector stands up. "I want you to leave right now."

"Please," she says. "You can't let an innocent man go to prison for what you've done."

Hector goes over to the door and opens it. "This is not a police state, Ms. Novak. You can't just accuse people of anything."

Casey stands up slowly.

"Is there something, if anything, that you know about that night?" She asks, making a last ditch effort.

"I did not kill that man," Hector insists. "I was at immigration with Cecelia, trying to extend her visa to keep her from being deported. It took all night to get her out. Now please go."

She nods and then she walks out of the apartment.

She is inclined to believe Hector Hernandez because he's been an open book, honest about everything, so she believes him when he says he didn't kill Thomas Crane, which makes her outlook on Chester's entire situation very bleak. She knows that Chester didn't kill Crane, she now knows that Hector Hernandez didn't kill Crane, so she is wondering who did. She can't think of anyone else that could possibly have a motive to kill the man.

She bites her bottom lip and sighs. She now knows that Chester's attempts at protecting Hector Hernandez from going to prison had been misguided at best, and she now needs to inform him of that. Perhaps that will convince him to admit that he isn't the one who killed Crane. Only, him retracting his confession will look quite suspicious. He doesn't seem to have an alibi, at least not one that will help his case. Not even she knew where he was in the hours after the trial ended. She tried to call him, but he wouldn't pick up his phone.

Casey wishes that she didn't care anymore, but she just can't stop caring.

Instead of going home, she had gone to Chester's apartment, feeling the fatigue take over again.

She lies down on the couch and she covers herself with the throw blanket.

This morning, she'd managed to keep her morning sickness at bay long enough to take a shower and get dressed. But when she began her drive into the city, she had to vomit. She'd taken a plastic bag with her, to ensure that she wouldn't make a mess all over herself. Now her stomach is more queasy and she needs to rest.

Before going to Hector's apartment, she'd gone to her office to clear out all of her personal effects. She never thought she would be performing that task so soon.

She closes her eyes and she remembers the first evening Chester brought her over to his apartment.

They'd gone out to dinner, and then she expressed her wanting to see his apartment. It had been nothing like she expected it to be; she naturally thought that it'd be like a typical bachelor cop's apartment: empty takeout boxes on the coffee table, sparse furnishings, clothes and junk scattered about…so it was surprise to see that Chester's place was neat and organized and clean. Honestly, it completely turned her on for some reason.

She's spent a lot of nights with him at his apartment and he's spent time at her home with her. She supposes now that they should have talked about moving in together, just so that they could come home to one place instead of commuting back and forth between each other.

Being in his apartment makes her miss living in the city. She'd bought herself a house in a nice area of Queens a few years back because she felt she needed a suburban retreat. Little did she know that she would be missing her simple little studio when she found herself having to worry about maintaining a yard and a garden planted by the previous owners, homeowner's association fees, worrisome neighborhood kids, and ironically, a whole lot less privacy than she did living in her apartment building.

She misses Chester, and she can't imagine how she will be when this feeling increases in magnitude if things don't turn around now.

Feeling a flush of heat, she pulls up the sleeves of her sweater up her arm. She stops suddenly, a realization hitting her as she stares at her sleeve.

"Oh my God."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Olivia and Fin hear the familiar buzzer and the cell door slides open.

Chester walks through, looking between the both of them.

"What are you two doing here?" He asks.

Olivia stands up. "Look, we really need to speak with you."

"What about?" Chester asks. "You know you guys can't sniff around the case. Don't put your asses on the line like that."

"Believe me, it wouldn't be the first time," Fin says, a bit agitated. "Sit down."

Chester goes and sits at the table across from them.

"How're you holding up?" Olivia asks.

He shrugs. "About as okay as a cop in prison can be. They're holding me in isolation until the other inmates get over the fact I'm a cop. I don't know how long that'll be."

Olivia nods. "What is going on, Lake?"

"Olivia, I can't talk about it with you," Chester says. "The both of you shouldn't even be here."

"Well we're here now," Fin huffs. "Get over it. For a guy that doesn't even agree with the death penalty, you sure as hell adopted quite a double standard."

"I was angry," Chester says.

"We all were," Olivia says. "But I'm starting to think that there's more to this whole thing than you're telling and the worst part of this whole thing is that you dragged Casey into it."

Chester looks at Olivia.

"Casey had nothing to do with this," he says firmly. "Leave her out of this."

"It's too late for that, Lake," she says. "Casey told me about the two of you, your relationship."

Chester sighs and looks away.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Fin asks. "I mean, I didn't think you stood a chance, man."

"Because I don't bring my private life into work," Chester explains. "And even if I did tell you, you guys would never let me live it down. My private life is my business."

"And Casey is my best friend," she says. "I've known her for six years."

"That doesn't mean she has to bear her soul to you," Chester says. "The point is that our relationship is none of anyone's business."

"She made it my business by telling me," Olivia says. "She put her career on the line for you, and this is how you repay her? By not letting her or anyone else help you? She believes that you're innocent, Chester. She's the only one in your corner right now and you're pushing her away."

"I love Casey," he says. "I told her that I'm sorry for putting her through all this. I shouldn't have let her take my case. I never wanted this to happen to her, so that's why I'm trying to keep her getting even more involved. I don't want to hurt her anymore."

With that, Chester gets up and heads to the gate.

"CO," he says.

Olivia didn't want to do this, but she knows she has to make a split-second decision.

"You're an even bigger bastard than I thought," Olivia hisses as she stands up and Chester turns to her.

"Olivia-"

"Casey's pregnant."

Chester looks at her, a look of shock on his face.

"What?"

"Casey's pregnant," Olivia repeats. "She's pregnant, scared and going out of her mind over you."

Fin takes Chester's collar into his fist.

"What do you know, you knocked her up knucklehead," Fin says as he takes Chester back to his chair and shoves him into it. "Congratulations, you're gonna be a daddy."

Chester runs his hands over his face. "Jesus…I-I didn't know. Why didn't she tell me?"

"Because-" Olivia begins, but she is interrupted by Fin.

"Is this how you wanna treat the woman you love?" Fin asks. "You really want to leave Casey alone to raise your kid by herself? She believes that you're innocent, and I'm starting to believe that myself. Quite frankly, you don't deserve her for treating her like this, Chester. So fine, if you want to spend the rest of your life in this hell hole, be my guest, I'm not going to shed any tears over it. But you think about Casey. You think about her, and the child she's carrying and you decide if this whole thing is worth more than her."

With that, the CO opens up the gate and Fin and Olivia walk out.

They get out to the front of the prison and get into her car.

"Thanks for coming with me," she says.

"No problem," Fin says, looking forward. "Ken asked about you."

She smiles. "Oh. How's he doing?"

"Fine," he says. "I know you called him, Liv."

"I didn't, I-"

"Don't lie to me," he says. "A few hours after I get home, I hear a message from Ken. He's still dealing with his own stuff. If anything, I call him. He's pretty good, acting surprised at my decision to leave the unit."

"Fin, I just want you to reconsider," she says, looking over at him.

"I've told you before to stop interfering with me and my son," he huffs.

"Look, I care about Ken because I care about you," Olivia says. "I mean, what? Are you going to leave a unit every time someone pisses you off?"

"That's not the point Liv," Fin says.

"It is the point," she says. "I've been working with Elliot for nearly ten years…and God knows I've taken more crap from him than you, Munch and Cragen combined. Yeah what he did wasn't right, but he had his reasons. At the end of the day, Elliot Stabler will always and forever be Elliot Stabler, and if you haven't gotten used to that by now then…I guess you should leave. But it's not going to change anything about him."

Fin looks straight ahead again.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Tucker sighs as he lays the case file out on the table in the evidence room. He begins to pace and he shoves his hands into his pockets. Mila and Ham are both sanding on the opposite side of the table, both of them wondering what Tucker is going to say now.

They've gathered up all of the evidence for the case, and they have just put the pieces together.

"Explain all this to me again," he says.

"Okay," Mila begins. "Detective Lake didn't kill Thomas Crane. Whoever this woman is with the size six Jimmy Choos, she's our killer."

"How do we know that?" Tucker asks.

"Because CSU found a small fiber wedged inside the gun _under_ the barrel," she says. "And that pieces of fiber had blood on it, and so did the underside of the barrel."

"There's only one explanation for that," Ham says. "Slick back. That means that the last person to use a gun wasn't a cop because a cop knows how to handle a gun and certainly wouldn't give himself a slick back."

Tucker sighs and nods.

"So you are _absolutely_, _completely_ sure that Detective Lake didn't kill Detective Thomas Crane?"

"Yes sir," Ham says. "But we don't know who the mystery woman is. There were no hits on the DNA in the system or on any database. Whoever this woman is, she's a ghost."

Tucker sighs. "Alright…I want you to present this evidence to the ADA, and then work on getting Lake released from Riker's."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Corrections Officer Will Lohman is on his lunch break when his cell phone rings. He sighs as he puts his sub sandwich down onto his plate and he picks it up, thinking that it might be his wife complaining about one of their three kids. He flips it open without looking at the number.

"What, Noreen?" He asks.

"Will Lohman?"

"Who the hell is this?"

"Dave Foster. I'm a friend of Bill Janssen's."

Will sits back in his chair.

"What do you want?"

"I'm calling on behalf of Bill Janssen," Dave explains. "He says you owe him a favor."

"I'm listening," Will says, wiping his mouth of mayo.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kim slams the phone onto the receiver, now furious at her soon to be ex husband. She doesn't know why she lets him upset her so, because she wants nothing more to do with him. She's already gotten over the depression, the anger, and the feeling of her life being over. She is ready to move on, but she also wants _something_, _anything_ that they've acquired during their marriage. He is stubbornly and hatefully refusing to budge on anything, and it leaves her at a loss because she's had to start completely over.

She's in a new city, with new people, and living in a two story house all by herself.

It is sparsely furnished, considering the fact that her husband won't give her a dime nor any furniture from one of their two homes. He also won't send her prized cooking utensils and appliances to her for her kitchen. She hasn't cooked a meal from scratch like she likes to in months.

His unwillingness to not give her a thing, is what hurts her and infuriates her the most.

This divorce has turned them into the worst kind of enemies, and she never thought that could be possible because once, she did love him passionately.

There is a knock on the door to her office and she looks up.

Mila and Ham walk in.

"Well, aren't you two a sight for sore eyes," she says. "Can I actually see the case file this time?"

Mila tosses the case file onto Kim's desk.

"Lake is innocent," she reports. "How soon can you get him out of Riker's?"

"That depends," Kim says. "Give me time to look over the report. Are you certain that Detective Lake is innocent?"

"One hundred percent," Ham says. "The killer was a woman."

"Well, do we have another suspect?" Kim asks.

"Not at this time no," Mila says. "But we need Lake out of prison, pronto. We're thinking he might be connected to our mystery woman."

"What if he's an accomplice?" Kim asks. "I mean, we should keep him on ice in case he's protecting whoever this woman is."

"We don't think that's the case," Ham says. "You've seen the report, Lake's not the guy, so get him the hell out of Riker's."

Kim looks between the two of them.

"Alright," she sighs, picking up the phone. "I can try and have him out by tonight, if not, it'll be tomorrow morning after nine."

"Good," Mila says, then she and Ham walk out.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Chester is sitting in his cell, thinking about Casey.

_She's pregnant_, he thinks to himself_. I can't believe she didn't tell me._

It hits him.

She was trying to tell him, but at the last second changed her mind because he wasn't listening.

He shakes his head. _I was listening, but I wasn't hearing what she was trying to tell me_. _Casey's pregnant with our baby…God, I can't imagine what must be going through her head right now._

Chester rests his head back against the wall.

Casey being pregnant explains her moodiness, for one thing. She always has her emotions pretty much in check, but lately, she's been irritable, snippy, and sometimes, just plain mean. When he thinks back now, there are several little things that at the time, he didn't really pay much attention to, like her eating bananas. She absolutely hates bananas and anything banana flavored.

Another thing that he didn't even remember until now was how she'd almost gotten sick at the sight of jelly when he took her to Philadelphia with him. He'd never seen her react so strongly to a piece of toast slathered with berry jam, her favorite. She paled and gagged at the sight and he thought that was completely weird.

He wishes that she'd told him she is pregnant. He wonders when she found out.

His cell opens up and Frank comes in.

"I've got some good news for you," Frank says. "Well, at least as good as it's going to get for you."

"What?" Chester asks as he follows Frank out.

"You're being moved into the general pop," Frank sighs as he puts Chester in the line to chow. "The warden wants to mingle you in tonight during chow to see how you do."

"Great," Chester says flatly.

Frank takes Chester into the larger cafeteria of the prison and he gets him in the chow line with the other prisoners.

Will Lohman walks in some other prisoners from E-Block and one of the prisoners, a lifetime criminal Preston Cruz looks up from his tray at Will.

Will winks and Preston nods ever so slightly.

With just a quick shift to the right, Will gets close enough so that Preston could elbow him rather roughly.

"Son of a bitch!" Will yells, preparing to play a role he knows how to play very well.

He takes out his night stick and he puts it on Preston's neck, pretending to choke him and he takes him down and begins to hit him just right.

The thing about setting off prison fights takes just a split second decision; the timing has to be just right so that the real target is in place.

Before long, the entire cafeteria has become a battlefield with trays being broken and used as weapons, food being thrown as well as punches. In the fray, Chester gets accosted by two guys behind him in line and he begins to defend himself to the best of his ability. He feels a fist come in contact with his jaw, and then he feels a foot in his stomach. He grabs the foot of the other guy and manages to knock him off balance, then he elbows the other man attacking him in the nose.

Lohman quickly leaves Preston, who then goes somewhere else, and Lohman pretends to try and regain control of the prisoners, all the while approaching Chester.

Chester finds himself busy fighting off another guy, who he takes down rather quickly, avoiding being stabbed by broken plastic.

When there is an opening in the chaos, Will makes his move and he hits Chester in the back of his head. Chester falls to the floor and he turns round and Lohman grabs his collar and drags him up, slipping into the kitchen.

He slams Chester against the wall of the freezer then he throws him to the ground and puts his night stick onto Chester's throat and begins to apply pressure.

Chester's heart is pounding within his chest, and he is struggling against Lohman. He is lightheaded now, and he is reaching for something to be able to defend himself, but he is grabbing at nothing but air. He feels his world closing in on him.

Lohman can hear the commotion calming down a bit, and he looks at a struggling Chester.

"Shit," Lohman growls. "Die, you bastard."

Chester grunts, trying to stay alive.

He punches Lohman in his jaw, but he doesn't budge, and then Chester goes for his ribs, and that causes Lohman to weaken his hold. Chester get Lohman in his ribs again, this time harder and Lohman growls in pain and the force causes him to finally get him off Chester. He gasps for life saving air, as he slowly gets up and goes over to a table to lean against for a few seconds as Lohman gets up quickly, drawing his gun and aiming it at Chester.

He is still lightheaded, and his head is throbbing from the blow he received minutes earlier. He sees the gun being trained on him, and his mind is telling him to move, but his body is frozen. He is thinking about how determined this stranger is to kill him right here in this hell also known as Riker's, he is thinking about Casey, and how he failed her, and he is thinking about the baby she's carrying that he'll never see. He's experiencing what people commonly call 'life flashing before your eyes' and he knows that his reflexes are faster than this, but the shock of it all is paralyzing him.

Lohman focuses his vision, that after being dizzied after two sharp blows to his ribs.

He finally has a shot and he takes it.


	6. Chapter Six: Justice Not For All

Notes on An Aftermath

Chapter Four: Justice Not For All

H.T. Lawson sees Bill Janssen coming out of his precinct.

"Detective Janssen," Lawson says as he approaches Bill, who looks at him strangely.

"Do I know you? You look familiar," Bill says.

"I'm city counsel man H.T. Lawson."

"Right, I've seen you on TV," Bill says. "Campaign season's over, and I didn't vote for you. Now if you'll excuse me…"

Bill begins to head to the parking garage when Lawson stops him.

"I have eyes and ears everywhere, William," Lawson says. "And I know what you did."

Bill turns to look at the man.

Lawson is in his sixties, he definitely looks his age, and he has salt and pepper hair which is slicked back. He is dressed in a black suit and coat, looking like a politician. The wrinkles on his face show that up to this point, he's had a hard life. There is something vaguely familiar about him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bill says.

"It's time to fix the mess you've started," H.T. says.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Bill says.

"I do," H.T. says. "How's Linda, your mother?"

Bill turns to him.

"How'd you know my mother's name?" He asks. "Who the hell are you?"

H.T. puts his hands on Bill's shoulders. "William, you're my son."

Bill furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head.

"What? No," Bill says. "My dad died in a-"

"It's time we had a chat, William," Lawson says. "And it's time that I tell you about your brother."

"My brother?"

Bill is thoroughly confused.

"Thomas Crane," H.T. says. "He was your brother, my son."

Bill feels sick to his stomach, and he can't speak.

"C'mon, we'll talk over dinner," Lawson says, taking a shocked Bill to his car.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Chester had been waiting for the searing, burning pain of a gunshot wound; he'd been waiting for the one instant of pain, then death. He didn't close his eyes, he'd been looking into Lohman's eyes as he trained the gun on him. He saw his finger on the trigger, he heard the shot go off, but he felt nothing.

"Jesus Christ, Lohman," Frank says, prying the gun from Lohman's hands. "Get a grip."

Seconds before Lohman pulled the trigger, Frank had rushed in and redirected Lohman's aim and the bullet collided with the tile backsplash of the kitchen.

Frank holsters Lohman's weapon.

"Get out there and gather up the rest of the trash," Frank says and Lohman casts one last scathing look at Chester before going out into the cafeteria.

Frank approaches Chester and puts his hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"You alright, kid?"

Chester nods.

Frank takes a closer look at the knot on the back of Chester's head.

"Took quite a hit there, Lake," he says. "You're going to the infirmary."

Frank escorts Chester over to the line heading to the infirmary.

Chester really wants to get on his knees and thank God in heaven for this saving grace. He now has a sense of urgency. He needs to get the hell out of dodge before he has another run-in with a CO out to kill him.

There is a long walk to the infirmary, and he sits onto an exam table.

The warden, Warden Charleston, is in the infirmary speaking with some of the nurses about the exact number of prisoners maimed during the seven minute scuffle in the cafeteria.

Chester closes his eyes and rubs the back of his head. It is sore, and all he is in desperate need of some aspirin and some cold water. After nearly being choked to death, his throat is scratchy and sore, his neck muscles are tense from the struggle.

After about twenty minutes, a nurse comes up to him and flashes a penlight in his eyes.

"Follow the light please," she says.

He follows the light in every direction she takes it then she stands back a bit and holds up her fingers.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three," Chester says.

"Tell me your full name, where you are, and what day it is."

"Chester Michael Lake, I'm in the infirmary at Riker's Island Prison, and it's Tuesday…evening."

"Good. I'm just going to feel the back of your head, okay?"

She pulls on some gloves then she feels the bump on his head.

"No blood, no fragments of anything," she says. "You don't have a concussion, but to be on the safe side, we'll keep you here over night and monitor you. The doctor will prescribe you some Ibuprofen shortly."

"Thanks," he says.

The nurse nods and then goes to attend to another patient.

He runs his hands over his face then he sits back onto the bed.

After a few moments, he eventually tunes everything else out, and he is thinking about just how sad Casey must be right now, and he hates himself because he is the cause. He is still reeling from finding out that she is pregnant.

__

I should have known, he laments. _She was eating bananas for God's sake…she hates bananas. I should have been paying attention. She really hates bananas._

He doesn't know how he should feel about them having a baby, mostly because they've never talked about having children before and quite frankly, he's scared. Not having a stable family growing up, he's not sure of how he'd be as a father, if he actually has the staying power, if he can really provide what his child needs emotionally.

Chester is in love with Casey, and for a year and a half, and he thinks in terms of her and him. They're both independent people, yet he thinks of them as a pair, and while they've forged a strong, loving relationship together, he doesn't know if a baby will bring them together, or exploit their views on the things they haven't gotten around to talking about and polarize them.

"Hey Lake," Frank says.

"Yeah," Chester answers.

"You think you're up for some more good news?" Frank asks with a smirk.

Chester sits up and scowls at the older man.

"It's genuinely good news, I swear," Frank says.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Bill Janssen ponders over everything his father has just told him. It's quite a shock, learning that his best friend, was also his little brother, his little brother by barely a year. His own flesh and blood, gone. Adding to that, here is H.T. Lawson before him, saying that he is his father and that he and his mother, Linda Janssen had a short little affair, and that Thomas's mother, Vernita Crane had been a college student when he also slept with her.

"I wasn't much for commitment back then," H.T. remembers fondly. "But my old man didn't do a damn thing for me. I may not have been in your life, but I made sure that your mother and Tommy's mother were taken care of. I'm glad that you and Tommy came up together, though."

Bill shakes his head.

"Did Tommy know?"

"No," H.T. sighs. "Although now I wish I had told him."

Bill sets his jaw. "I'm so pissed off at that bastard Lake…that bitch ADA, dragging my little brother through the mud like that…Tommy risked everything for me, and I let him down. I'm going to get them, sir."

"Good," H.T. encourages, putting his hand on Bill's shoulder.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

O'Halloran is heading out of the crime lab, when he sees Casey in the reception area.

"Casey?" He asks.

She looks up and she stands up and approaches him.

"Hey," she says.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, taking her into a nearby empty room.

"Listen Ryan," she says quietly. "I-I need your help…I think I know who really killed Thomas Crane."

"What?" He asks. "Who?"

"Well, I'm not sure," she sighs. "O'Halloran…I-uh…is there any way that I can see the evidence?"

"Are you out of your mind?" He asks. "I can't do that…"

"Please, Ryan," she says. "I just want to be sure before I say anything to anyone else."

Ryan runs his hands through his hair.

"Look, it's no secret that you're career is on the rocks," he says. "I don't want you taking me down with you…I-"

"I promise you I'll make sure this doesn't come back around to you," she says. "Please, Ryan. There's a lot riding on this…I have to look at the evidence."

He sighs and puts his hands on his hips.

"I don't know…"

"Ryan, I know that you know Detective Lake is innocent," she says. "Everything got so completely screwed up…this is the last chance I have to make this right."

O'Halloran nods. "Alright. Just uh…give a couple of days."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Mila is busy poring over the ten year old Hernandez case.

"You're going to go blind," Ham says as he walks into the rather dim office and turns on the light.

"Oh, thanks," Mila says, not looking up from the file.

"What are you doing?" He asks as he sits down at the table with her.

"I'm looking over Lake's case file," she explains. "This guy is a neat freak. After ten years, this file's in mint condition."

"That doesn't mean he's a neat freak," Ham shrugs. "It was just a touchy case."

"No…" Mila says. "Everything is perfectly organized, nothing is left out…he pored over every single detail, he didn't leave anything out…"

"What have you found out so far?"

"Well, when Lake got to the scene, there was some tension," Mila says. "According to his initial report, he had a problem with the number of cops at the scene…there's something about how there was one sector car that was way out of their patrol area. And that same sector car got the call about Alyssa Hernandez before the initial call went out to Detective Lake's precinct."

"That's suspicious," Ham says.

"Yeah, but he couldn't make anything out of that," she says. "He made some extra notes in here about looking into the responding officers…Kralik, Crane, and another cop, Bill Janssen. After that, there's nothing else except evidence photos and a background on the vic."

"Every cop has that one case, you know?" Ham sighs. "I'm surprised that it's not something they teach in the academy…how there's always going to be that one case that stays with you and makes you obsess over it, and before you know it, ten, twenty years have gone by and you're still looking at the same damn thing over and over, and it doesn't crack the case. It takes away a bit of your soul."

Mila nods.

"It helps to have someone there for you," she says. "I mean, you've got your wife, your kids, grandbabies…you don't completely fade away, do you?"

Ham shrugs. "Depends on the cop."

"We've got to have a long talk with Detective Lake when he gets released," she says. "Maybe he'll be able to figure out this whole thing."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Prison time feels longer than what he knows is standard time. It goes by slower, even though logically, he knows that there are still twenty four hours in a day. Of course, being in a completely different society, being isolated, and told what to do every moment of everyday can have an affect on one's mind and sense of time. Chester has only been in prison for a few days, and he feels like he's completely lost his sense of time, even though there is a digital clock at the end of every block.

Frank told him last night that he's going to be released soon. He is beyond relieved that he is getting the hell out. He's realized how stupid he's been when it comes to Casey, and that he would have been stuck in prison while she was having his child, raising the baby all by herself.

It makes him wonder, though. Perhaps what he thinks happened didn't. Perhaps he's been on the wrong track the whole time. He is thinking that perhaps Hector Hernandez didn't kill Thomas Crane at all and that there is something deeper going on, something that is beyond his control.

He is still in the infirmary, being monitored in case he happens to go unconscious in his sleep. He is completely fine, and he wonders when the warden will get the ball rolling on his release. He is praying that he doesn't have to spend another twenty four hours in this place because he not only needs to see Casey, but he also needs to figure out just what exactly is going on.

He wonders if Casey has been to a doctor yet, if she's seen the baby for the first time. If she has, that is a moment where he should have been there.

Chester thinks back to when he and Casey first met.

She breezed into the squad room, emanating an aura of self-confidence and professionalism. When he first laid eyes on her, he thought that she was absolutely sexy and beautiful from head to toe. When their eyes really met, he knew that she was going to change his life, and she did.

She's taught him how to be more transparent, how to be honest with not only her, but with himself, she made him feel completely comfortable around her and he never had to hide anything from her. They both found what they were looking for in each other, and the loneliness they both felt before was gone.

God, he loves her.

Fin had been right. Nothing, not his case, not his pride, not even his anger is worth more than Casey and their child. She's worth fighting for and he can only pray that she will be able to trust him again.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Olivia sighs as she walks down the hallway to her apartment. She is completely exhausted, and she just wants to get into bed. She isn't even hungry, and the dust on her pots is an indication that she hasn't used them in ages. She knows what lies ahead for her in her apartment: signs of her slowly losing control of her life. She feels an overwhelming sense of shame fall upon her.

__

If only they really knew, she thinks to herself.

She makes it to her apartment, and she takes out her key and enters it. She closes the door then she flips the switch for the light to come on. When it doesn't, she furrows her eyebrows, knowing that she is on time with most of her bills. For some reason, it seems darker than usual to her, and she carefully makes her way over to the lamp in her living room and she flips that on, but no light illuminates her dark space. A sense of panic befalls her as she goes over to the next light and unsuccessfully tries to provide herself some light.

Her heart is pounding and she is beginning to sweat.

She goes over to her desk and grabs a flashlight from the drawer and she turns it on, the bright light only partially illuminating the room. She turns round and right in her way is Harris.

She screams as he knocks the flashlight from her hands and pulls her into the consuming darkness.

"NOOOO!"

Her own screams jar Olivia awake, and she sits bolt up right on the couch.

She looks around frantically, and she can feel herself dripping with sweat. When she sees no one in her apartment, she calms down a bit, and she takes a deep breath and lies back onto her couch, throwing the blanket off of her. She wipes the sweat from her forehead, and she closes her eyes again, even knowing that she won't get much sleep for the rest of the night. She is soaked in sweat and she gets up and she goes to her bathroom. She turns the water on for a shower, then she takes off her clothes from the day and tosses them into her already full hamper.

Once the water is lukewarm, she steps in, feeling cooler already. She steps under the spray and lets the water cascade over her. She grabs the bar of soap and she runs it over her body, and memories come rushing back to her; the memory of how harsh and cold her shower had been, how hard the soap felt against her body, and how her skin peeled and felt brittle thereafter.

She shuts off the water then she steps out and dries off, then she pulls on her robe and gets into her unmade bed.

Olivia turns onto her side and she closes her eyes.

__

It's been three months…why do I still feel like this? She asks herself. _I wasn't even raped for heaven's sake…I don't have the right to feel like this because all he did was…_

She can't even say what he did, not even in her thoughts.

The phone rings, and it causes her to jump, and she rolls her eyes and she picks it up.

"Benson," she answers.

"Hey Liv, it's me," Elliot says.

"What's up?" She asks.

"We got another vic," he says. "Cragen wants us at the scene."

"Same guy?" She asks.

"Yeah," he sighs. "You okay?"

Olivia inhales, then lets it out. "I-I…can you tell Cragen that I'm not feeling too well?"

"Liv, tell me what's wrong," he says.

"Just tell Cragen for me, please," she says.

"Okay," he says.

"Thanks," she says before hanging up.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

The light of day has finally broken, and Chester looks over at the window as the first rays of sunlight flow into the quiet infirmary. It is about seven in the morning now, and he rests back onto the bed.

After a few more minutes, the curtain is drawn back and it is Warden Charleston and another man wearing a suit.

"Inmate Lake?"

"Yes," Chester says.

"I have notification from Assistant District Attorney Graylek that you are to be released immediately," Warden Charleston says, looking at his clip board. "Are you well enough to participate in the process of your release?"

"Yes," Chester says, glad that he will be getting out of Riker's very soon.

"Come with us," the other man in the suit says.

Chester gets off of the bed and he follows the two men.

He is taken into the administrative part of the prison and taken into a room.

"I'm Tony Willis, head of the department for Conditions of release. Have a seat, Mr. Lake."

Chester sits down.

"I'm going to inform you of where your status is with the courts, then I'm going to ask you to sign some forms and fill out some paperwork," Tony explains. "We should have you out of here by nine or ten. Is there anyone that we can call to come and pick you up, or will you need us to provide transportation for you?"

"I have someone that you can call," Chester says.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Casey collapses onto her bed, that after rushing to her bathroom to vomit. Her morning sickness is making her absolutely miserable, and she is more tired than ever. She wants so badly to call her mother because she just needs to hear a familiar, comforting voice in her head right now. But she doesn't know what to say.

__

Hi mom, I know it's been a long time since we talked, but I really need you because within a couple months I've managed to get pregnant, lose my job, and my boyfriend is in prison for something he didn't do…how have you been?

No.

__

Hey mama, I'm sorry that I haven't spoken to you in a while…um…I know that we've had our problems but I need to talk to you. I've been having a rough time, but I have some good news, though. You're going to be a grandma…again. I wish I could be happier, but the man that I love is in prison, I'm going to lose my job, and with every day that passes, I'm finding myself getting more and more sad.

Not that either.

__

Hi mom…I know that we've never really gotten along, but I love you and I need you. I've gotten myself in a whole mess of trouble. I've ruined my career, I'm pregnant, and I'm in love with a man that I may or may not see ever again. I can't trust anyone. I don't even trust myself and-

That's all wrong too.

Just like her job now, many years ago, she'd left home on a bad note. People had been hurt and upset, things had been said, and things had been done that can never be taken back. She finds it funny that people have always had the impression that she came from a prestigious and wealthy background…that she had a charmed childhood and grew up in an idealized world. How wrong they are.

She hasn't told Chester all of the details about her family, just the basics: dad, mom, Catholic, one of eight kids, grew up in rural small town Colorado. He isn't aware of what she faces when she finally finds the courage to reach out to her family again.

She sighs and bites her bottom lip. She just wants to be happy, and she fears that she may not ever be truly happy again. After Charlie, she didn't think she could ever love anyone else as much as she loved him. He'd been her first love…her first _everything_. So when she had to call off her engagement to him due to his illness, the hurt she felt went to her very heart because she'd given everything to him, to their relationship. After that, she didn't think she could ever have anything as good and wonderful as she'd had with Charlie.

Enter Chester Lake.

The moment their eyes met there was a connection, and she couldn't ignore it. Of course, about three or four months into their relationship, she began to feel the stirrings of being in love with him and she wanted to bed him at some point because she admits that she lusted after him for weeks, but she'd been pathetically nervous and hesitant. What with her very, very short sexual history, she didn't know if she was ready to go that far or if she even could be the one to take the initiative.

She smiles when she thinks about it. As it turned out, her lack of a sex life wasn't a problem for Chester at all.

All those moments, all the time they've spent together, building their relationship…part of her always thought that it was too good to be true. That at some point, things were going to go wrong and that it wouldn't last. Her own sick prediction is becoming more true with every minute that passes and of course, all she can think about is hindsight.

Those few days she spent with Chester in Philly…she now regrets that she didn't tell him that she could be pregnant. She had just realized that she skipped her period for the month, and at that point, she knew she could no longer ignore the symptoms or the possibility. She wanted to tell him, but she was too scared, and she barely wanted to believe it herself. She was biding time.

She wonders if things would be different if she had told him and they'd found out together.

There's no point in thinking about it now because what is happening is happening, and her last chance at perhaps turning this around is riding on if her realization of the real killer is correct.

There are so many emotions that she is going through.

Her phone rings, and she groans, the shrillness ringing in her ears and causing her headache and nausea to become worse.

Just to alleviate the symptoms, she picks up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

She sighs and closes her eyes. "Chester…"

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"I'm tired," she says shortly. "So…could you just hurry up so I can go to sleep?"

"I'm getting released," he says.

She shrugs. "Okay…"

"I just wanted to let you know," he says. "Fin's giving me a ride."

"Hope you've got the key to your place," she huffs. "Because you're not coming to my house."

"I know that I've hurt you," he says softly. "But I really need to talk to you. There's-"

"I don't **want** to talk to you," she hisses. "I don't want you near me, don't even fucking call me, Chester. I don't care what you do anymore."

With that, Casey hangs up and she lies onto her back.


	7. Chapter Seven: Verdad, Part II

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Seven: _Verdad_, Part II

Fin waits in his car for Chester to exit Riker's. He's been waiting for about forty minutes now, and he looks at his watch, wondering how much longer Chester is going to be. He grins, thinking that for the next few weeks, he's got a lot of time on his hands. He still hasn't made a final decision about leaving SVU for good yet, but some part of him knows that he will be returning. The words of his son are constantly echoing in his head.

It feels good to know that being a cop means something to his son after all these years. He freely admits that he hasn't been the greatest father to Ken, but he is trying like hell to forge the fractured foundation and establish himself as someone his son can trust and come to when he can't go anywhere else. Of course, sometimes, Olivia makes that difficult, only because Ken leans on her so much to get through to him. He knows that on some level, it makes Olivia uncomfortable to be in the middle, and he probably should tell her not to be because if Ken trusts her, then he's okay with that, but he wants to be the one his son trusts.

Lately, he's seen the pain in Olivia's eyes over almost every aspect that he knows of that she deals with in her life. He knows that Lowell Harris definitely screwed her up in her head. He can see that she hasn't been getting any sleep or rest for that matter, and she walks with her shoulders slumped slightly. He doesn't think that Harris raped her, but he definitely had himself exposed to Olivia, showing an intention of violating her in the worst of ways.

She is compensating for everything Harris took away by putting her all into helping others, like his son and him.

And Elliot.

For the last few years, he's come to think that Elliot and Olivia have an almost unhealthy connection between the two of them. The way she takes his crap, the way he treats her sometimes, and how he's so protective of her and caring one minute, then dismissive and cruel the next. Still, she always stands up for him, and she's there for him unconditionally.

She's loyal like that, and now he thinks its time Elliot pulls his head out of his ass and helps Olivia pick herself up and beat the demons in her life and be strong again.

Fin sees the front gate leading into the prison open up and a few moments later, Chester walks out, looking worse for ware and beat to hell. He is looking around, and Fin honks the horn and Chester spots him, making his way over and then getting into the car.

"Thanks for picking me up, Fin," Chester says. "I really appreciate it."

"No problem," Fin says.

He pulls out of the parking lot then heads onto the freeway.

"Where do you want me to drop you?" Fin asks.

"My apartment," Chester says.

Fin nods.

"Case is really pissed at me," Chester says.

"Good," Fin says. "You really fucked things up with her."

"I know," Chester says. "I can't believe she's pregnant."

Fin looks over at the younger man. "You should believe it, considering you're the one that got her that way, dumb-ass."

Chester scowls at Fin. "We didn't plan it…I mean…it just happened. I wouldn't get her pregnant and then leave her."

"The point is, you've got to fix this mess you've gotten yourself into," Fin says. "This whole thing stinks to high heaven."

"I know, and you're right," Chester agrees. "I do need to fix everything, especially with Casey because I love her. I'm in love with her, and I want to be with her and be there for our baby. I don't want her to be alone."

Fin looks at Chester, then he turns his attention back to the road.

"So how'd you pull it off?"

"What?" Chester asks.

"Getting Casey to go out on more than one date with you?" Fin asks, chuckling.

Chester shakes his head. "I didn't have to pull anything off…Casey and I just connected and we wanted to be around each other whenever we could. I think that she's brilliant, beautiful, a great lawyer, and she's gorgeous and funny…I love her, and I hate myself for bringing her into this and ruining her career."

Fin sighs. "Look man…blaming yourself isn't going to get the two of you through this. But you better give Case a few days to cool off."

Chester nods, then he sighs.

"I don't know the first thing about babies," he says. "Or how to be the kind of father I want to be…you've got a son. Got any advice for me?"

Fin glanced over at Chester and then turned his attention back to the road.

"Fatherhood…it's a journey, and the only way to be a good father is to be there for your kids for every moment…don't miss out on anything, and love them with everything you are."

Chester nods. "Thanks."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

O'Halloran looks around the lab, making sure that no one is heading his way or coming in to his domain, then he discreetly plugs in his flash drive. He enters the folder with all of the evidence from the Crane murder and then downloads it onto his drive.

He saw the desperation in Casey's eyes, and he could also see that she felt that she was on the right track. She's always been like that though…she's a gumshoe in her own right sometimes, so he is willing to do her a small favor, because he is curious as to who the real killer is himself. Of course, he doesn't want to get his ass in a sling along with Casey for showing confidential evidence to her when it's not her case. But she is a good friend, and he will do this for her.

Once all of the information from the case is completely downloaded, he takes the device out of the port and he puts it into his pocket. He can only hope that Casey knows what she's doing.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Chester is beyond relieved to be back in his apartment. He hangs up his keys on the key hook, then he heads into the kitchen and he opens up the freezer. He finds a Tupperware container with lasagna in it, and he takes it out, pops the top in it, then he puts it into the microwave. Putting food in the freezer is Casey's habit. When she cooks, she often makes too much, and she puts the leftovers in the freezer so that it doesn't spoil quickly. At least she had the wherewithal to put the lasagna in a plastic container. Most times, she puts food into gallon bags.

He can't stand it, especially when she uses the gallon bags, but he lets her get away with it because neither of them can stand to waste food.

He heads to his bedroom and he takes out some clean clothes, then he goes into his bathroom and turns on the water for a shower. He begins to undress then he stops when he sees Casey's personal hygiene wares occupying a little more than half of the counter space in his bathroom. He thinks that perhaps they should have considered moving in together. They both have parts of themselves at each other's respective residences, and yet the thought never crossed his mind. He thinks about how many tiffs they've had in his bathroom over space and elbow room. She multitasks, so she'll be doing her hair and somehow managing to brush her teeth at the same time, and she would need the mirror, but he would need the sink. She would move, but complain about not seeing what she was doing, and they'd bump into each other. It was the same story with her bathroom as well, where he has his own single shelf, while she has the rest of the bathroom.

He undresses then he steps into the shower, glad to get the grime and stink of prison off of him.

Once he showers and gets dressed, he goes into the kitchen and retrieves the lasagna. He eats some of it, and he leans up against the counter. She is a good cook, and she enjoys cooking. Another one of her quirks is the kitchen. She's very particular about her kitchen, and she doesn't like for people to come in and piddle around. It was months before Casey allowed him to be able to become familiar with her kitchen and of course, she's taken over his.

He's completely in love with her, and he loves everything about her. He loves how she dances like a fool while she's cleaning and listening to her iPod when she thinks he's not looking because she can't dance to save her life, and neither can he. He loves it when she furrows her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side when she hears someone say something stupid, he loves it when she is just mellowed out and relaxed, he loves her smile and a myriad of other things he loves about her.

Chester knows that he has betrayed Casey's trust in him, and he will do whatever it takes to regain her trust because they need each other, and soon, there will be an infant that needs them. He knows that she'll be beautiful pregnant and that she will be an excellent mother. She is good with children, and whenever she's around kids, the most gorgeous and bright smile forms on her face, so he's known that she's had a desire to have children, even though they've never talked about it before.

There is a knock at the door, and he puts the bowl down and goes over and looks out the peephole.

"IAB, open up."

He opens the door.

"I'm Agent Mila Fischer, this is my partner Ham," Mila introduces. "You need to come with us, Detective Lake."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Lohman dials Dave Foster's cell phone number.

"Foster."

"It's Lohman."

"Did you do the job?" Dave asks.

"I didn't get the chance," Lohman sighs, leaning up against his locker.

"Lake's still alive?" Dave asks. "What the fuck, Lohman?"

"Look, I was about to do the bastard but I got stopped," Lohman huffs. "Look, you tell Bill that whatever the hell it is he's gotten into, leave me out of it. Lake has been released, so you guys figure out what the fuck you want to do. Far as I'm concerned, my job's done."

"Dammit," Dave growls into the phone. "Okay."

Lohman hangs up then he begins to undress to go home to his wife and children.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Dave Foster ends the call with Lohman, then he dials Bill's number.

"What, Dave?"

"Look, we've got a serious problem," Dave sighs. "Lake is still alive."

"What?" Bill asks.

"Yeah," Dave huffs. "Lohman fucked up and now Lake has been released. What are we going to do now?"

"First, you're going to calm down," Bill says. "Either way, Lake is going to end up dead. I don't care how we do it, he's going to pay for what he did to Tommy. He's a resourceful bastard, so we've got to bring him to us, instead of us going to him."

"Oh," Dave chuckles bitterly. "That-that's just dandy, Bill. How do you propose we do that?"

"Don't be a smartass," Bill huffs. "To draw Lake out, we gotta go for his heart."

Dave furrows his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"Meet me at my place and I'll tell you what we're going to do," Bill says.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

After riding in the sedan to IAB with Mila and Ham, Chester is now sitting in a conference room, waiting for Mila and Ham to begin speaking. The agents are outside the room, conversing with another man about something. Chester runs his fingers through his hair, knowing that they are going to ask him about Thomas Crane. He isn't sure what is going on, and he knows that whatever they ask, he won't have a straight answer to.

After a few more minutes, Mila and Ham walk into the room and close the door. Mila slides a file over to Chester and he opens it up and sees that it is his case file. He looks up at Mila and Ham.

"Start from the beginning," Mila says as she sits down.

Chester sighs. "Alright…ten years ago, I'd just made detective, and this was my first case. I was called to the scene of a murdered girl, Alyssa Hernandez. She was raped and then strangled to death and dumped in an abandoned lot."

Mila nods. "Explain the notes you made."

He flips through the file and he finds his notes.

"Um…when I got to the scene, I remember that when I interviewed the responding officers, something just wasn't right."

"Kralik, Crane and Janssen?" Ham asks.

"Yeah," Chester recalls. "Janssen was in his patrol area, but Kralik and Crane were half way across town. There's no way in hell they could have been there in the time they said they did. It just didn't add up, but I let it go. I ran into a wall because the DNA from the rape kit didn't match any perps in the system, and there were no eyewitnesses at the time. Then, Cecelia Cruz came forward and said that it'd been two cops and she described them to me."

"That's when you approached Edward Kralik at his precinct?" Mila asks.

"Yes," Chester nods. "I went to his precinct, caught him during a smoke break. We got into an altercation and I took his cigarette to be tested against the DNA in the rape kit. Everything went downhill from there."

Mila sighs. "The reason you were released is because we know that you didn't kill Thomas Crane. There were traces of blood on the underside of the barrel, indicating a slick back. You're a cop, so you'd know how to hold a gun correctly."

"The blood that was found was female," Ham says. "We're looking for a lady killer…no pun intended."

Chester furrows his eyebrows. "The killer's a female?"

"Yeah, with size six Jimmy Choos," Mila nods. "At first, we were thinking that it might have been a woman known to Crane, but we didn't think that it might be a woman known to you…"

"I wouldn't know either," Chester says. "I thought that the killer was the victim's father, but obviously I've been on the wrong track…"

Ham sits down and he looks at Chester.

"Tell us what happened the night Crane was killed," Ham says.

Chester sighs. "I was pissed that he got off and I admit, I was tempted to kill the bastard myself, but…"

"What?" Mila asks.

"I had too much to lose," Chester explains. "But I followed Crane around most of the evening, contemplating it, but I couldn't do it. I finally followed him to a bar."

"Which bar?" Ham asks.

"Uh…a place called Opal Lounge," Chester recalls. "He stayed for a few hours then he came out, talking on the phone to somebody…"

"Where were you?" Ham asks.

"I was still in my truck," Chester says. "I decided to go home and that's when I heard a gun go off."

"Did you hear or see anyone leaving the scene?"

"No," Chester says. "I stayed in my truck for about five minutes before I got out and I found Crane dead."

"If you didn't know who the killer was, why were you trying to take the fall?" Mila asks.

"Because I thought it was Hector Hernandez," Chester says. "Alyssa Hernandez's father. At the courthouse I told him to try and let it go, and I thought that he killed Crane. But like I said, I've obviously been on the wrong track since the killer's a female, and I couldn't even begin to tell you who the woman might be."

Mila and Ham look at each other then back at Chester.

"ADA Casey Novak prosecuted, right?"

"Yeah," Chester says. "So?"

"She withheld evidence and lost the case…" Ham hints. "I hear she gets pretty passionate sometimes and if she was trying to help you because-"

"I know for a fact that Casey didn't kill Crane," Chester says, interrupting Ham. "She wouldn't do something like that. Besides, she wears an eight and a half in shoes, not a six."

Mila furrows her eyebrows. "And how would you know that?"

"We've been together for over a year," he explains. "She wouldn't ruin her life like that. On top of that, she knows how to handle a gun and she's a good shot…she wouldn't have been sloppy."

"Oh, well that's romantic," Ham snorts. "Knowing how your girlfriend would go about killing someone. I wouldn't cross her, if I were you."

"Ham," Mila huffs, glaring at him. "Cut it out. "

Ham clears his throat.

"Beside the fact that an unknown female killed Crane," she begins with a sigh. "We've got an even bigger problem than that."

"What could possibly be worse than what's going on now?" Chester asks.

"Thomas Crane was guilty of murdering _Edward Kralik_," Mila explains. "But Dr. Warner compared a fresh DNA sample against the one from the rape kit, and they weren't a complete match."

"What?" Chester asks. "So what does that mean?"

"It means that Thomas Crane's got an insane relative out there," Ham says. "Whoever this relative is, is the one that raped and killed Alyssa Hernandez and raped Cecilia Cruz along with Kralik."

Chester shakes his head. "You're right, that is a huge problem."

"Let me see that file," Mila says. "There's gotta be _something_ that you missed. You're probably the most prolific note taker I've ever seen…there's gotta be something in here."

Chester gets up and goes over to the other side of the table and looks at the file along with Mila.

"I don't know what else I can tell you," he sighs. "I mean…I looked at guys in the neighborhood, talked to Alyssa's father…Cecilia Cruz came forward and made a positive ID. She fingered Crane…"

"After ten years?"

"What woman do you know forgets the face of the man that raped her?" Chester asks.

"True," Mila shrugs. "But you have photos and signatures of the responding officers. Kralik, Crane, and Janssen."

"Yeah," Chester says. "I couldn't make anything out of the response time…their precinct was…hostile, to say the least."

Mila takes the photos of Thomas Crane and Bill Janssen out and she lays them out on the table.

"These two…" she begins.

"Yeah?" Ham asks.

"Take a good look, Lake," she says.

Chester looks hard at the two pictures and it dawns on him and he looks at Mila.

"Yeah," she says, grinning a bit. "Just remove the goatee and cut the hair a little shorter…see the resemblance?"

"Jesus," Chester huffs. "It's been right in front of my face for ten years. How the hell did I miss that?"

" Yeah well, you look like a glass half empty kind of guy," Mila quips and Chester rolls his eyes and walks out of the room.

"Hey!" Mila calls. "Where are you going? Lake, don't do anything _else_ stupid!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Dave Foster knocks on the door to Bill's apartment.

A few moments later, Bill opens up the door. "Come in."

Dave steps in and he immediately makes himself comfortable on the couch. "The department is springing for Tommy's funeral. His son is real broken up, and his ex can't afford it. She came by to pick up his uniform for the coffin once the ME releases his body."

Bill sighs and sits in the armchair, a manilla envelope in his hand.

"This shouldn't have happened to Tommy," Bill laments.

"What about Eddie?" Dave asks. "It's been proven that Tommy killed Eddie."

"Yeah, but he never meant to," Bill huffs. "He was trying to kill off Lake and Eddie…got in the way."

Dave shakes his head, then gestures over to the envelope.

"What's in that thing?"

Bill opens up the envelope and he takes out some papers and photos.

Since finding out that Thomas Crane had been his half brother, the mission to avenge Thomas's death had taken on a new energy. Meeting his father for the first time shocked him because he always thought that the father his mother described to him was dead. Instead of being upset at Lawson, he is proud of the man for taking responsibility and recognizing that they are a family and that something has to be done about the people that brought them down.

"I hired a PI to tail Lake before the trial started," Bill explains, spreading the photos out. "I got phone records too."

Foster looks at the photos.

"Who's the babe?"

"ADA Casey Novak," Bill says. "Lake's been fucking her."

"Lucky son of a bitch," Dave chuckles, looking at the pictures of Casey and Chester together in various photos. "I'd love a taste of that…"

Bill snatches the photo from him. "Stop ogling her."

"So, what are you going to do with all this?" Dave asks.

"I already know her address, phone number, make and model of her car…her routines," Bill says. "Like I told you before, in order to bring Lake to us, we got to strike his heart. She ruined Tommy's life with all the shit and the lies she told about him…we're going to get them both."

Dave puts the photos down. "Why are you so hell-bent, Bill? I mean, I thought this was just about Lake?"

"Not anymore," Bill says. "That bitch ADA tried to frame Tommy with botched evidence. She lied, Dave. Who knows how long she's been Lake's whore...that's probably why she did it to begin with."

"Look Bill," Dave says. "I'm not sure about _this_. Sure, she's doin' Lake, but she didn't have history with Tommy. She was doing her job…I'm all for taking Lake out but, do we really have to hurt her?"

Bill gets up and grabs Dave's collar.

"Someone's gotta pay for killing my little brother!" He yells, and it stuns Dave.

"What?" Dave asks. "Tommy was-"

"My brother," Bill finishes, shoving Dave back into the couch. "I didn't find out until a few days ago…Tommy was my little brother, and…they took him away from me. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to pay for my mistakes. That's why either Novak, or Lake or both of them have to die."

Dave nods. "Whatever you say, I'll do, Bill."

"Good."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Casey sits on the couch, her hands on her abdomen. It feels different, being pregnant, and she isn't even that far along. Already her body feels different, even though the differences aren't really that obvious. Despite the circumstances, her eyes are brighter than usual, her skin is now always flushed and hypersensitive, and she's a little bustier than usual.

She yawns and rests her head back onto the cushions. The television is on, but she is not paying attention to it because she is very tired physically. She's been waiting a couple of days for O'Halloran to get back to her on the evidence from the case. She's figured it out, but she needs to see the evidence to make sure that she has it right before she confronts the killer, who she thinks is otherwise harmless and in need of help. She's been anxious, but also angry. She's angry at herself, angry at Chester, angry at pretty much anyone else that crosses her.

She doesn't want to feel angry, but she can't help but feel this way. She has a right to feel the way she is feeling. She knows that career wise, she's made a terrible, costly mistake and she is prepared for the consequences, but everything that's happened since…it could have been prevented. Chester's wanting to go to jail for someone else and leaving her has made her question her worth to him. In the last month and a half, she's been through more ups and downs than she's ever been, all because she dared to let herself fall in love again. It's come with a price, and she thinks that it shouldn't have.

She's had to think of the worst case scenario over and over, thinking that she would have to prepare once again for being alone. Now, with her revelation about the murder, and Chester's being released, she can only feel anger because she's exhausted every other emotion.

Her phone rings, and she picks it up, looking at the caller ID. She sees that it is Chester calling her, and she presses the talk button.

"Case?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Casey, I know that I've hurt you and that you're upset," he begins. "But I really need to talk to you. Casey, are you there?"

She hangs up on him.


	8. Chapter Eight: Impasse

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Eight: Impasse

Against his own better judgment, and against the advice of Fin to give Casey a few days to cool off, Chester is going up the steps to Casey's porch. The lights are on in her living room, so he knows that she is still up. He takes in a deep breath and then lets it out before he rings the doorbell. He waits for a few moments, then the door is opened forcefully and she steps outside.

"I don't want to see you," she hisses. "You leave me alone."

"Casey please just calm down-"

"You want me to calm down!?" She yells tearfully. " That's all you can say after all that you've put me through, you tell me to calm down!? What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Chester sighs. "I just want to talk to you."

"Now you want to talk?" She asks angrily. "How can I possibly believe anything that comes out of your mouth now, huh? I _begged_ you to talk to me, to help yourself, but lucky for you, the evidence bailed you out. What's happening between us now? It's your fault because you wouldn't tell me the truth. You're a liar, Chester, and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone I can't trust."

"Okay, you want to talk trust?" He asks, getting irritated. "Fine. When were you going to tell me that you're pregnant? Or were you ever going to tell me?"

She looks at him incredulously. "How did you know?"

"Olivia told me when she and Fin came to visit me at Riker's," he explains.

"Olivia told you," Casey says, shaking her head. "I can't believe she went behind my back."

"It's a damn good thing she did," Chester huffs. "How can you not tell me? How can you lie to me?"

"My pregnancy has nothing to do with this!" She yells. "Even if I didn't tell you before, I would never lie to you! I have _never_ lied to you, ever! I don't deserve what you're doing to me, Chester! I don't deserve this!"

She covers her face with her hands as she cries.

He sighs, feeling like a complete asshole.

"Sweetie," he says softly, putting his hand on her shoulder, but she pulls away.

"Don't you touch me!" She screams. "Get the hell away from me!"

"Case, please," he says. "I'm sorry."

Casey wipes her tears and shakes her head. "And what? I'm just supposed to forgive you? I mean, is that your way of telling me to let you off the hook and pick up where we left off?"

"I want to work this out with you," he says sincerely.

"But I don't want to work it out with _you_," she says, her voice quivering. "Not right now because you've broken my heart, you've hurt me so much, you've hurt me in ways I didn't think you were capable of. I'm not ready to let you back in, Chester."

"What about the baby?" He asks.

"Oh, that's not going to work either," she says harshly. "If you think that bringing the baby into this is going to make me change my mind on how I feel, then you better think again."

"Don't you think we should try?" He argues. "For the baby's sake?"

"Absolutely not!" She yells. "No! You should be in my life because you want to be, not out of obligation. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and this baby!"

"I don't want you to have to raise our child alone," he says. "I want to be in your life, I want to be involved in our baby's life."

"Really?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest. "Tell me, how do you really feel about this baby, Chester?"

Chester runs his hand over his face and he sighs. "I-I'm not sure…I mean, I'm scared, Casey. I'm scared because we didn't plan this baby and we never talked about having kids. I just don't know what kind of father I'd be or if…"

He trails off and she steps closer to him.

"If what?"

"If…I'd be able to be there," he confesses. "Really be there the way a father should."

Casey looks away. "So you're not even sure if you'd stick around…that's just great…"

"That's not what I'm saying," he huffs, irritated with her stubbornness at the moment.

"No, I know exactly what you're saying," she says. "I've put my heart and soul into our relationship, into loving you, and after a year and a half, it obviously wasn't worth a damn to you."

"You know that isn't true, Casey," he says firmly.

She pushes her hair behind her ears.

"Things aren't going to be easy…for either of us, Chester. This whole thing is nothing compared to what's ahead. I'm going to lose my job, your career is on the line now, I'm pregnant…our baby will be here in December. Things are going to change and we're going to need each other now more than ever. How can you possibly expect me to work this out with you when you're not even sure you're going to stay? How do I know that you'll be by my side and help me through this when you were so willing to leave me now?"

"I never wanted to leave you," he says quietly. "But I'm here now, Case."

"Yeah, after everything's gotten so bad that it's broken us," she huffs, beginning to cry.

"Casey-"

"I want you to leave," she sniffles. "Please just go, Chester. I-I need some time to think."

With that, she goes back into her house and she closes the door.

She goes and sits on the steps and cries. She isn't sure if she'd officially broken up with Chester, but she sure as hell knows this is definitely going to be a separation period…for a long while coming. She knows that Chester loves her, and she understands that he's scared. She is scared too, but she's concerned about the fact that he's not sure if he has the emotional readiness to be a constant and active presence in their child's life. She knows what it's like to have an emotionally distant father; as a child, she'd learned to deal with it, but accepting it doesn't make it hurt less. She doesn't want that for their child.

Casey wipes her tears and she combs her fingers through her hair.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Mia walks over to Ham's desk and she grimaces, seeing what a pig sty it is.

"You're a slob, Ham," she huffs. "How does your wife put up with you?"

"She doesn't," Ham says, chowing down on some potato chips. "What have you got?"

"Well, it took some convincing, but I've got Janssen's jacket," Mila sighs as she sits in the chair next to Ham's desk. "He's got dozens of excessive force complaints, insubordination, sexual harassment complaints lodged by other female officers…"

"So he's a ladies' man," Ham shrugs. "It's quite a big freakin' leap from joking about female anatomy to raping two fourteen year old girls."

"There's no obvious MO," Mila shrugs. " And I can't even find one in the database."

"Well there's not much we can do now," Ham says. "The statute of limitations has passed. We can't even charge the son of a bitch."

Mila closes the file. "I-I have a bad feeling about this whole thing…I mean, what if Janssen has gotten wise to what's happening? I'm curious to know why Thomas Crane went on trial for rape and murder…why didn't the trail lead to Janssen?"

"You got me there," Ham says.

Mila shakes her head, getting up. "Okay…Crane didn't have any scorned girlfriends, Lake's girlfriend has an alibi…so now I guess we have to look for women who are close to Janssen who might do his dirty work for him. That's just wonderful."

"Why would Janssen put a hit on Crane?" Ham asks. "I mean, if Janssen's the doer, but Crane took his place and got cleared, why murder the guy? That doesn't make any sense."

"It does if Janssen can't help himself," Mila shrugs. "Maybe he's got an itch to scratch, and with Crane dead and people thinking that it was him, he's got a new lease on life. But every victim hereafter he's going to have to kill."

"I think we should check into who was in charge of the case at the crime lab," Ham says. "Someone obviously switched the DNA…"

"You're right," Mila agrees. "And who knows if it was by mistake, or deliberate."

Ham gets up, brushing his hands off. "Well you know that they say…you don't want an investigator on his first day or his last."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

After spending a couple of hours stewing in her own angry energy, Casey decided to confront Olivia. She just needs to release all of the pent up anger on someone else because she's already let it loose on herself and Chester and now that she's made sure to reduce herself to a complete emotional wreck, she needs another outlet for her anger.

She stalks into the squad room and Elliot sees her as he finishes putting some things into his locker. He sees her cheeks are bright red and her eyes are scanning the squad room. After five years of working with her, Elliot knows when Casey's truly furious, and furious is rare, even for the tempestuous woman.

"Case," he says, approaching her. "What's up?"

"Where the hell is Olivia?" She asks angrily.

"She's in Cragen's office," he says hesitantly. "Why?"

"Tell her that I need to talk to her," Casey says. "Now."

Wary of her volatile mood, Elliot goes and knocks on the door to Cragen's office. Casey watches as he informs them of just how pissed off she looks, which matches how much she is. She sees Olivia exhale heavily.

Olivia walks out of the office and she approaches Casey.

"Case, just-"

"No!" Casey hisses.

"Casey, you need to calm down," Olivia says firmly.

"Stop telling me what I _need_ to do!" Casey yells.

Olivia sighs. "Let's go up to the crib."

The women go upstairs to the crib, and Elliot and John look at each other.

"Damn, I was hoping for a catfight," John grouses. "That would have been very-"

"Shut up John," Elliot huffs.

Once they are up in the crib, Olivia closes the door and faces Casey, who is fuming.

"You told Chester that I'm pregnant when it was none of your business to do so!"

"Case-"

"No," Casey interrupts. "Don't. You went behind my back, you got in the middle of _my_ relationship…"

"I was just trying to help you," Olivia says. "The baby was the last card we had to play in order to get him to wake up and tell the truth."

"This baby is _not_ a bargaining chip!" Casey says tearfully. "There is a life inside me…I would never use this baby to convince anyone to do anything!"

"You were making it sound as if you were never going to tell him," Olivia huffs. "You were so angry."

"That is a pathetic excuse for what you did," Casey cries. "You went behind my back. You told Chester about the baby when I never asked you to. This was all between me and him. You had no right…you ruined everything, Olivia."

"He had a right to know, Case," Olivia says, standing her ground. "And you're my best friend…I didn't want you going through something that you didn't have to go through."

"If you were my friend then you would've come to me first," Casey huffs. "I would _never_ betray you like you've done me, Olivia. Never. And I certainly wouldn't insert myself into your relationship and try and play mediator."

"I'm sorry," Olivia says softly.

"Yeah," Casey says shortly, wiping her tears. "Thanks."

"Case-"

"Don't," Casey says harshly. "I never should have told you a damn thing…just leave me alone and stay out of my business, Olivia."

With that, Casey walks out of the crib and heads downstairs.

/\/\/\/\/\

Chester walks into his apartment and he sighs, thinking that Casey has every right to be angry at him. He's made a stupid decision, and he never thought that she'd be paying the price for it too. He's never seen her so emotional before, and he much as he would like to blame her moods and her crying on her pregnancy, he knows that he is the cause, although he wishes that she would have listened to him.

She now thinks that his first instinct will be to run when things get hard, but he won't. Even though he's scared about becoming a father for the first time, that doesn't mean that he's just going to leave her. He wants to be a father, and he wants to provide for his family. He wants to ensure that Casey will be taken care of and that this child and any other children they have will be secure and taken care of physically, mentally, and emotionally. He's got to convince her that he is with her to stay.

He goes over and sits on the couch. He picks up the phone, wanting to call her, but he figures that will only serve to further piss her off because the last time he called, she answered, said nothing, and hung up. He knows when he's not wanted, so he decides that he will heed Fin's advice and leave Casey alone for a bit.

He wonders how far along she is. She's got to be at least eight weeks along, considering the fact that while they'd been together in Philly, she developed a sudden aversion to jam. So, she'd been pregnant at that point.

He hopes that she's pregnant with a boy. It would be great to have a firstborn son.

Chester grins at the thought.

He's going to do whatever he has to do to repair the damage he's caused in his relationship with Casey. He's got to do all he can to prepare for their child, and make Casey comfortable as she progresses in her pregnancy.

He knows that their lives will change significantly, what with Casey's license on the line, his career compromised, and of course, the baby in Casey's belly. She's risked everything for him, and he wishes that there is some way to take it all back for her. She loves being a lawyer, and he feels so guilty for playing a part in taking that away from her. He doesn't know if she'll ever forgive him, but he certainly know that he will spend his life trying to make it up to her.

/\/\/\/\/\

Mila and Ham both crowd up on Francis Tramer, who is getting more nervous by the minute as she shifts once again in her chair.

Mila slams the file in front of her.

"Ten years ago, you were the primary on the Hernandez case," Ham says in a low voice. "It didn't take us long to figure out that one of your subordinates was doin' the nasty with Bill Janssen…a one Brea McKenna. Since she died in a car accident five years ago, you're next up on the food chain of suspects."

Francis Tramer, a seasoned forensic specialist, knew that the biggest secret-and mistake-would come back to bite her in her ass. She knows that the only way to untangle herself is to just tell the truth.

"Brea and I were best friends," Francis begins, rubbing her temples. "She…had mental problems for a long time and she was finally on medication and things were looking up. She was excited about her new boyfriend, Bill Janssen. They were about to move in together, until she got depressed again. When the Hernandez case got dropped in my lap, things were going like normal until she came to me, completely freaked."

"What did she say to you?" Mila asked.

"She said that she needed help," Francis explains. "She was so upset…I got three different DNA samples from the officers…I hadn't logged them in yet when Brea asked me to switch the names. I told her I didn't want to do it, that I could lose my job…I had two babies then, I could barely afford my house, I couldn't afford to lose my job. She begged me and begged me and finally because she was my best friend, I gave in."

Mila nods. "So you switched the DNA. Who's?"

"Um…I switched out Thomas Crane and Bill Janssen," Francis sighs. "God…did I cause all this?"

Ham sighs. "No…what'd you get out of it?"

Francis swallows thickly. "About a week after the DNA was switched…I get a call from my financier…my bills and house note were paid up two years. I didn't have to worry about anything. I could do my job, raise my babies and save my money. It was a blessing."

"And now it's a curse," Ham says. "We're going to need a sworn statement from you and you might have to testify."

Francis nods.

Ham hands Francis a legal pad and a pen before he walks out of the interrogation room with Mila.

"This is perfect," Mila sighs. "We have enough to arrest Janssen, but we can't because the statute of limitations has past."

"Look, the guy's a rapist," Ham says. "There's gotta be unsolved rapes out there that link him."

Mila nods.

"But not tonight, Fischer," Ham says. "Go home. You're exhausted."

"Ham, I can't stop now I-"

"Go home, Mila," Ham instructs again.

She puts her hands on her hips. "I'll go if you go."

Ham rolls his eyes. "Fine. Although, my home sweet home ain't so sweet."

/\/\/\/\/\

A couple of mornings later, after getting a restful sleep, Casey lies awake in her bed, just thinking.

She supposes that she should be thankful that she and Chester still have a chance to be together and be a family; it's a blessing considering all that is going on around them. She's just so angry, she feels betrayed, and she feels as if nothing she does is good enough anymore. The reality of it all has just hit her, and she begins to cry.

She's going to lose her license, she's going to lose the one thing that allows her to do what she worked so hard for. She's going to be forced to leave SVU after probably the best five years of her career. She's going to be a mother very soon and she's scared because her life and relationship are in disarray.

She's disappointed so many people, herself most of all. If she could take it all back, she would because she never wanted things to turn out this way. So many consequences have stemmed from a mistake that she thought in the long run, would be worth while. Chester had nearly been killed over a ten year old case, and she jumped at the opportunity to end it and to make the men involved responsible and put them away, out of his life, out of their life together.

She will take responsibility for what she did. The lawyer in her knows that what she did wasn't right at all; she infringed on another man's right to a defense. But in her heart, she often feels that scum don't deserve a defense. In her heart she feels that if one commits a crime against another that they should pay for it. But then, she'd be out of a job if justice moved that swiftly, but there was a time when it did.

Casey sniffles and puts her hands on her abdomen.

She's got to pull herself together and dust off for her baby. Even though everything is happening so fast and her life is spinning out of control, she has faith that she'll find enough strength within herself to make things better and find some closure on this part of her life. She's ready for the end of this phase of her life.

She caresses over her abdomen and she feels a slight bump in it, but it's not noticeable to anyone else but herself. She sits up in bed, resting against the pillows and she rubs her hands over her abdomen. The newness of it is probably what is most astonishing. She's never been pregnant before, so she's savoring every moment that she feels or sees something different about her body.

Casey is nauseous, but it's not as bad as it has been lately.

She misses Chester now. This is a moment where she wishes that he was right beside her, holding her.

They've spent lazy mornings in bed together before, and he always holds her close. It's intimate and she feels safe, warm, and wanted.

Her cell phone rings, and she picks it up off of her bedside table. She sees that it is O'Halloran and she answers.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey Casey," Ryan greets her. "I know it's pretty early, but…I've got the evidence for you. I emailed the photos to you so you can look at them."

"Thanks Ryan," she says. "I promise this won't come back round to you."

"No worries," he says. "I'm good, Case. Just don't go off and do anything stupid. Olivia's already got the title of Superwoman."

Casey chuckles. "I won't. Bye."

"Bye."

She hangs up and sighs.

She gets out of bed and she picks up her laptop. She turns it on before she goes to the bathroom. Once she is finished using the bathroom and brushing her teeth, she signs in to her internet then she opens up her email from Ryan.

The crime scene photos appear after she opens up the attachment and she examines them closely.

Once she confirms her suspicions, she combs her fingers through her hair and shakes her head.

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey walks into the building where Marion Kralik lives. Her cell phone rings again, but she ignores it, knowing that it is Chester trying to call her. Sometimes his persistence is annoying. It is evening now, and she waited because for one, she was too exhausted and a little sick from the baby, and two, she knew that Marion Kralik would be home. Marion is a secretary, and she gets off at about six. Casey knows this because she briefly interviewed Marion before the trial.

She takes the elevator up to the fourth floor, then she heads down the hallway to the third door on her right.

She takes in a deep breath and then lets it out before she knocks on the door.

After a few moments, the door opens up, and Marion Kralik looks at her.

"Ms. Novak. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to talk to you about Thomas Crane. May I come in?"

Marion looked down at her feet. "Um…I don't know."

The woman seemed a bit antsy and nervous.

"Please, Mrs. Kralik," Casey says. "This is really important."

"Okay," Marion nods and she opens the door up wider and Casey steps in. "Have a seat. Would you like something to drink?"

"Um no thanks," Casey says as she sits on the couch.

Marion sits down in the loveseat. "What about Thomas?"

Casey sighs and pushes her hair behind her ears.

"Mrs. Kralik-"

"Marion, please."

"Marion, some new evidence has come to light," Casey begins. "About the murder…"

"I thought that detective shot Thomas?" Marion asks.

"Detective Lake didn't kill Thomas Crane," Casey says.

Marion runs her fingers through her hair. "Then who did?"

Casey looks at Marion knowingly. "I think you know, Marion."

Marion becomes angry and she stands up.

"Get out."

"Marion, things will go so much smoother if you just admit what you did," Casey says. "You killed Thomas Crane."

"Stop it!" Marion yells tearfully. "You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"I know this is hard to deal with," Casey says. "But this has got to end, Marion. I understand why you did it. Thomas Crane killed your husband."

Marion covers her face with her hands.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Marion cries, looking at Casey again.

"I looked at the evidence," Casey explains. "There was blood on the underside of the barrel, and a piece of cotton fiber was stuck in it…the blood was found to belong to a female, and there were no prints on the gun because the shooter was wearing gloves."

Marion shakes her head.

Casey sees the cut in the space between her thumb and index finger.

"It wasn't me," Marion says, turning away. "Now leave."

Casey bites her bottom lip.

"Why'd you take the cuff links?"

Marion turns back to her. "What?"

"In addition to the slick back you've got," Casey says. "The cuff links on Thomas Crane's shirt were missing. The last time I was here, I noticed that you displayed some of your husband's things…one of those was a pair of cuff links. You told me that you bought them for Christmas. During the trial, Thomas Crane wore them everyday. Why'd you take them?"

Marion sniffles and she looks at Casey.

"I thought that he was innocent at first," Marion confesses. "But when I found out the truth about that night…about what he and Edward did to that poor girl all those years ago…it was just too much. Even though Edward did wrong, I still loved him."

"I know you did," Casey says softly, approaching the older woman. "And Crane had no right to take him away from you."

"I just didn't know what to do," Marion cries. "I didn't mean to kill Thomas because he was our friend…I-I didn't want to kill him, but when I asked him why, he wouldn't say anything! I just got so mad that I shot him! Oh God!"

"Marion, you should go to the police," Casey advises.

At that, Marion looks up. "No…"

"You can't go on like this," Casey says.

"No, nobody has to know," Marion says, shaking her head. "Please just leave me alone."

"Marion, you can't do that," Casey says softly.

"You have no idea what it's like to know that the person you've shared the better part of thirty years with is gone," Marion says harshly. "It's incredibly lonely, without Edward. My bed is empty, my heart is empty. All the places where I know he should be aren't filled with his presence. When Edward died, my heart died too. It's hard enough grieving, but it's even harder to realize that the man you loved was a rapist."

Casey crosses her arms over her chest. "You were a victim too, Marion. Edward lied to you."

Marion nods.

"Please tell the police what you did," Casey insists. "I'll go with you right now and-"

"Just go away, please," Marion sniffles. "Leave me be."

"Marion, you can't go on like this," Casey says.

"Yes I can," Marion cries.

"Too many people have suffered already," Casey says. "It's time to put an end to all of this, Marion."

"Just go," Marion sniffles. "Please leave me be."

"Marion-"

"Go please!" Marion cries.

Casey nods and then she exits the apartment.

She heads downstairs and out of the building then over to her car. She gets in and sighs.

Her phone rings again, and she rolls her eyes.

"Leave me alone," she growls to her phone before tossing it back into her purse.

She starts the car and begins to head home, not noticing the car following her.

/\/\/\/\/\

Olivia is sitting at her desk, sipping a cup of coffee when her cell phone rings. She looks at the number and she answers.

"Chester?"

"Hey Liv," he sighs.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asks. "Is everything okay? Is Casey alright?"

"I don't know," he says. "She's pissed at me, and I thought that she might have talked to you. I tried calling her but I keep getting her answering machine and her voicemail on her cell. She's stressed out and I'm worried about her and the baby."

"I got chewed out by her too," Olivia chuckles slightly. "She got mad at me because I told you about her pregnancy without asking her. Just let her calm down. If something was wrong, she'd tell you, Chester. She maybe pissed but she still loves you very much and she needs you."

"I know," he says.

"Good luck, Chester," she says.

"Thanks, Liv."

Olivia hangs up.

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey spent the better part of her evening poring over the crime scene photos, thinking that everything was not what it seemed. She managed to eat a salad and drink some tea before she settled in upstairs in her bedroom. She took a shower before getting into bed and watching television for a bit. Before she knew it, she was in a deep sleep.

She wakes up with a start, and she sits up in bed, rubbing her hands over her face.

She sighs and looks at the clock. It is a little after two in the morning, and she combs her fingers through her hair before she gets out of bed. She first goes to the bathroom then she goes downstairs, feeling thirsty and a bit hungry.

She turns on the light in her kitchen and she opens up her fridge. She grabs a bottle of water and she picks a few grapes and eats them before she takes a long drink of water. She turns the light off then she goes back upstairs to her bedroom. She drinks down a little more water before she places the bottle onto her nightstand and gets back into bed.

She bundles up in her covers and stares up at the ceiling. After a while, she dozes off, turning onto her back.

About ten minutes later, she is awakened by a large hand clamping over her mouth. Her eyes snap open and she screams, but it is muffled and she is shaking her head frantically, trying to get free. She kicks her legs but she is dragged out of bed and onto the floor. She ends up kicking someone because she hears a grunt.

The hand is removed and she screams, trying to get up, but she is pulled back.

"LET ME GO! HELP!" Casey screams.

"C'mere bitch."

She elbows her attacker in his stomach and she is freed and she runs out of her room towards the stairs but she yelps when her hair is yanked and she is pulled back but both she and her assailant struggle and tumble down the steps. At the landing, Casey gets up and bolts for the front door. She tries to open the door but the weight of the man closes it and presses up against her body.

He yanks her hair and a gun is pointed at her head.

"NO!"


	9. Chapter Nine: Reckoning

Notes on An Aftermath

Chapter Nine: Reckoning

Elliot wakes up when he hears his nine month old son. Eli is quite the early riser, and he often wants his parents to get with the program and become early risers with him. Having a baby in the house after many years has been quite an adjustment, and there are some days when both he and Kathy are completely exhausted.

Eli whines a little louder, and Elliot sits up, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Alright I'm up," he groans. "I'm comin' buddy."

He throws the covers off of him and he gets up, going over to the crib and pick up his son, who immediately calms down and rests his head on his father's shoulder. Elliot bounces his son as he smoothes over his curly blond hair. Eli is a miracle, and Elliot is glad that he's been given a second chance to be the husband and father that he hasn't been in a long time. He'd taken everything he had for granted for so long, that when both Kathy and Olivia had been in that car crash, he thought he was going to lose everyone he loved in one afternoon.

If it weren't for Olivia, his wife and his child would have died. He's not afraid to admit it anymore; he loves Olivia for what she did for his wife and son. She'd been a calming presence for Kathy and stayed with her when she gave birth to Eli. Words couldn't describe how incredibly thankful and appreciative he is for Olivia.

The phone rings and Elliot rushes over and picks it up before the second ring wakes Kathy.

He answers it.

"Stabler."

He stops bouncing Eli and furrows his eyebrows at the news he hears.

"Jesus," he says. "Yeah, I'm on my way now."

He hangs up and he goes over and gently wakes Kathy, much to her chagrin because she'd been enjoying a deep sleep.

"What?" She asks, turning onto her back.

"I've got to go honey," he says.

"W-what?" She asks, sitting up and taking Eli into her arms. "What's wrong?"

He doesn't answer her as he pulls on a pair of jeans and he goes over to his dresser and grabs a shirt.

"Elliot," she huffs. "What's wrong? Today's your day off…you're not going in, are you?"

"I'll call you later, okay?" He says as he comes over and kisses her cheek before leaving.

Kathy sighs and holds Eli close.

/\/\/\/\/\

Elliot drives up to Casey's home, which is engulfed in flames. He parks the car and gets out, rushing over to Olivia. Fin and Munch are already at the scene, helping CSU bag some evidence.

Cragen is standing outside as well.

"Liv!" He calls and she turns to him. "What the hell is going on?"

"I got the call from another department," she says, a little panicked. "I heard Casey's address…her car's still in the driveway…she's in there El. I called Chester, so he's on his way."

The fire chief approaches them, and Elliot flashes his badge.

"I'm Detective Stabler, this my partner, Detective Benson!" He introduces loudly over the noise of the raging fire.

"Chief George Manson," the chief says loudly. "I called you guys when I got word this is your ADA's house."

There is a loud snap and then an explosion, and Elliot, Olivia and the chief shield themselves as more windows break and part of the roof collapses into the second story of the house.

"Oh my God," Olivia gasps.

"This ain't no ordinary house fire," Chief Manson explains, holding up the gasoline jug and paint thinner. "Accelerants were used, that's why the whole damn house is burning like a goddamn inferno from hell. We found three more of these jugs and several cans of paint thinner. This was intentional."

Chester drives up to Casey's burning home, and his car screeches to a stop. He gets out of the car and he rushes up to the fire chief and Olivia and Elliot.

"Jesus," Chester says, taking in the burning house. "Casey's in there! You gotta get her out!"

Elliot holds him back.

"I just sent three guys in there," Manson says. "They're looking for her right now."

Chester rubs his hand over his face, his heart pounding in his chest. He can't lose Casey and the baby. He prays to God that the firefighters will find her in time. There are neighbors and onlookers behind the yellow tape, all of them in a state of shock at this event happening in this quiet neighborhood.

Meanwhile, inside, the fire fighters are going through the house, battling the fire all while trying to find Casey Novak, that is if she even survived. Chances are she may have already died from smoke inhalation.

"I'm heading in the basement!" Palmieri says through his radio. "That's where she's gotta be!"

"I got your back Johnny!"

Palmieri uses his ax to break up the burning wood of the door, and blazing bursts out, taking advantage of what little oxygen is left in the air.

The stairs are burning, and a few have already collapsed to the partially burning floor, but the room is full of smoke, and he can hardly see. He has to jump down onto the floor from the platform of the steps.

"Chief! We got nothing upstairs!" Thompson repots over the radio.

"Thompson, get your ass downstairs," Manson commands. "The rest of that roof is going to cave in any moment!"

"Chief, I'm in the basement," Palmieri says.

He hears a loud snap, then the platform collapses to the floor as well and he hears himself screaming.

"Johnny!"

"I'm alright!"

"Do you see anything, Palmieri?" Manson asks.

Palmieri is panting and trying to spot anything that looks like a body through the smoke.

"No sir," he reports. "I got nothing down here! The stairs are destroyed, so's the platform…"

"All of you get your asses out of there now!" Manson commands.

Chester goes over to him.

"They have to find her!" Chester yells. "You can't just leave her in there!"

Chief Manson sighs. "I'm sorry…I can't lose three of my men for one life."

"Two," Chester corrects, feeling his chest tighten. "Two lives."

Inside, Vince is at the doorway, and he and Mike help Palmieri up from the basement.

"Chief wants our asses out of here pronto! This fucking house is coming down!"

The two other men pull Palmieri up out of the burning basement then they head out the back way of the house. When the men appear walking past Casey's car, Chief Manson waves the men over as they take off their masks.

Olivia runs her fingers through her hair and she and everyone else watch in part horror, part shock as the fire ravages the house. Chester can barely breathe, he's so afraid that he's just lost Casey.

Olivia puts her hand on his shoulder. "Chester, you-you shouldn't watch this honey."

He shakes his head and steps away from her, trying to catch his breath.

There is another explosion, and the porch collapses, as does the roof, and the entire second floor caves in and there is the loudest, unnatural snap and crash. Windows are breaking and the fire becomes even stronger because of oxygen and ample enough wood and accelerant.

Chester goes over and he sits on the curb, covering his face.

He can't believe this is happening.

His cell phone rings, and he looks at the ID. It is Casey's cell number and he gets up, relieved.

"Thank God," he says before answering it.

"Casey I'm so glad you called," he says.

"I'm sorry," a man says gruffly. "But your girlfriend is indisposed at the moment, Lake."

"Who is this?" Chester asks.

"Bill Janssen."

Chester feels anger beginning to course through his body, replacing the fear he'd felt just moments before.

"If you hurt Casey-"

"Listen Lake," Bill interrupts. "We're in an abandoned warehouse near the bay…"

"Where?"

"Lennox and 9th," Bill says. "Come alone, Lake. No other cops or I'll kill your little whore."

"Okay," Chester says. "If I come, let Casey go. This is between you and me."

"No," Bill says. "This is between all of us, Lake. Your ADA slut is no exception. Don't show up, or come with the police and she's dead."

Chester hangs up.

"Captain," Chester says as he approaches Cragen.

"What?" Cragen asks.

"Casey's alive," Chester explains. "She's not in the house."

"Thank God," Olivia says. "Where the hell is she this late?"

Chester doesn't have time to explain everything, he just wants to get to Casey.

"I have to go see her," he says, heading to his truck.

"Detective Lake, you better tell me what the fuck is going on right now," Cragen demands.

"I can't explain this right now," he says. "This whole thing is my fault and I have to fix it."

With that, he gets into his truck and he drives off.

Cragen turns to his other detectives.

"Do either of you have a goddamn clue what the hell's going on?" He asks.

Olivia and Fin look at each other.

"Captain," Olivia begins. "I don't know much, but I do know that Chester and Casey have been seeing each other for over a year and she's pregnant now. She's known about the Hernandez case for months, that's why she wanted to win the trial so badly."

"Chester was released from prison," Fin continues. "So he didn't off Crane, even though his dumb ass tried to take the fall. I'm guessing whoever else is involved, wanted Casey out of the equation too."

"That mean's they've both gotta know something that we don't," Olivia says.

O'Halloran over hears the discussion and decides that now might be a good time to tell them what he knows.

He approaches the detectives.

"Don, I was the last person to speak with Casey," he explains.

"What did she say?" Cragen asks.

He sighs, knowing that he's going to get his ass kicked by the department.

"I let her look at the evidence from Crane's murder," he admits. "A few days before that, she came to me. She asked me if she could look at the evidence for herself because she believed that Lake was innocent. I called her this morning and told her that I emailed all the photos and documents to her. I think she figured out who really killed Thomas Crane."

Cragen sighs. "Well that's just fucking dandy…"

"We gotta get a hold of IAB," O'Halloran says.

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey wakes up, and she blinks a few times and turns away from the bright light. She has a headache, and she is nauseous. She is lying on a small twin bed and she can smell the stale moldiness of it. She tries to get up but her wrists are restrained above her head and she whimpers as she tugs at the headboard. She finds that she is gagged too, and she looks around the room frantically. She's in an abandoned room somewhere, she can tell. Near the water because she can smell a combination of fish and saltwater. She can smell everything now, and it is driving her crazy.

It is cold, too.

She wonders if she's still in New York. She's got to be.

The walls are dingy and moldy, and there is trash littering the floor.

The door creaks open, and a man walks in.

"Hey there," he says, giving her a once over. "You put up quite a fight…you're even hotter than your picture."

She regards him suspiciously.

Dave Foster comes over to her and he caresses her cheek and she turns her face away. His hand slides down her neck and over her breasts, which are very sensitive and tender, and he cups one and squeezes it, causing her pain. In response, she kicks the side of Dave's head with her left foot and he grunts as he stumbles back a bit. She pulls against the headboard even more, trying to free herself.

"You little bitch!" He growls as he comes over and slaps her across her cheek before he gets on top of her. He pushes her legs open and settles between them and she struggles against him.

She wraps her legs around his trunk and she locks her ankles together and squeezes around his rib cage, making it difficult for him to breathe. He is becoming dizzy and trying to release himself from her grip, but she squeezes harder and his face turns red. She releases him then she kicks him in the stomach with both feet and he falls off the end of the bed and onto the floor. He is coughing and gasping pathetically on the floor.

He gets onto his knees, supporting himself on the bed as he holds his ribs.

After she'd been attacked in her office several years ago, once she got well enough, she immediately began taking self-defense classes and Krav Maga, which Olivia took with her. She never wanted to be in that situation again. She hadn't been armed with the knowledge of how to defend herself the first time, and she had decided then that it would be her last.

The door opens, and another man walks into the room and he sees Dave leaning up against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

"What the fuck, Dave?" Bill Janssen asks.

"She fucking tried to choke me," Dave says, still trying to catch his breath.

Bill frowns. "You're a pussy, Foster."

Bill comes over to her.

"You're feistier than I thought," he says, leaning over her. "No wonder Lake's fucking you…she looks like a real wildcat in bed, doesn't she Foster?"

"Yeah, she's a real goddamn sex kitten," Dave huffs, bitter at her for her choking him.

"I'll bet she is," Bill grins. "And I'll bet Lake is willing to do anything to save his whore."

Casey shakes her head.

_Who are these men?_ She asks herself. _What do they want with me? What do they want with Chester?_

Bill leans over and un-cuffs one of her wrists and he pulls her up, cuffing her again and taking her arm in his. He opens the door and he takes her down the stairs, and she fights him all the way, growling her frustration.

He pulls her harshly to him and he puts a gun to her head.

"Stop fighting me or I'll kill you," he threatens then he takes her the rest of the way downstairs. "Let's get this show on the road."

/\/\/\/\/\

Chester is beyond worried about Casey now that Bill Janssen has gotten a hold of her. He prays to God that she is alright and that Bill hasn't hurt her. He knows that she's capable of defending herself, but still, she'd be no match if Bill Janssen is hell-bent on really hurting her.

He doesn't know what will happen at this point. He's got no backup, and he can't predict his actions, nor can he anticipate Bill Janssen's moves.

/\/\/\/\/\

Agent Tucker, Mila and Ham are all now in the SVU squad room at the 1-6.

Mike shakes his head. "Boy Don…you've managed to really fuck up this time. You've got a cop who obstructed justice, and now your own ADA is missing?"

"This isn't the time to get on my fucking nerves, Tucker," Don growls. "What I want to know from your agents is who the hell we might be dealing with."

Mila clears her throat.

"Well, first off, as it turns out, everything's been all wrong from day one," she begins, holding up the pictures of Thomas Crane and Bill Janssen. "When we talked to Lake, we figured out that Cecelia Cruz's ID was almost right. She was really identifying Bill Janssen but she thought it was Thomas Crane because of the resemblance. ME Warner told us that the DNA she tested again didn't match Thomas Crane's…we're looking for a close male relative. We believe Bill Janssen is that male relative."

"Okay," he says. "But where the hell does Thomas Crane fit in to all this?"

"We found a lab tech that botched the DNA evidence," Mila explains. "She switched the names for her friend, Brea McKenna, Bill Janssen's girlfriend at the time, who is now deceased. Someone paid up her bills for two years after she did it."

"So Lake's been on the wrong trail for ten years," Olivia says. "Bill Janssen and Thomas Crane were on the fugitive apprehension team…if Bill Janssen knew that Lake was investigating again, it stands to reason he'd want Lake dead."

"So the only connection we're missing is Casey," Cragen mentions. "O'Halloran said that Casey figured out who killed Crane…whoever it is might have taken her, and now Lake is out there with no backup…I've got every sector car and every department notified."

"Tucker, we need the Crane file," Olivia says. "Maybe if we look at the evidence and try to see what Casey saw, we can figure out who it is."

"I'll notify the captain of the fugitive apprehension team," Cragen says.

/\/\/\/\/\

Dave Foster shoves Casey into another dimly lit room.

"Get your hands off me!" She yells, punching him.

He grabs her and pushes her into the wall next to the old, rusted out furnace. She turns and she tries to hit him again, but he catches her arm and he cuffs her wrist, then he cuffs the other bracelet around the pipe on the furnace. He presses her up against the wall with his body and he licks her neck.

"You're a fiery little thing, aren't you?" He growls, smirking.

She twists his balls with her free hand and he yells out in pain and backs up.

He charges for her again but she jams her knee into his stomach. She will _not_ let this bastard touch and violate her any further. He falls to the floor and she kicks him in the face, and he falls onto his back, his nose bloodied.

"Foster! What the fuck are you doing!" Bill shouts. "I said take her in here and cuff her, not cuff her and get your ass kicked again, Dave!"

Bill comes over and picks up Dave and pushes him toward the door, then he gets in Casey's face.

He gives her a once over.

"Hmm," he smirks, tracing a finger over her cheek. "I'd take some time to fuck you, but you're not my type, sweetheart."

She spits in his face and he slaps her and she stumbles to the floor.

"Sit tight, ADA Novak," he says before he walks out and closes the door.

When Bill and Dave are out of sight, Casey retrieves the cell phone she took from Dave and subsequently dropped and shoved under the furnace. She flips it open and turns it on. There's barely any reception on it.

"Dammit," she huffs.

She looks out the large windows and Bill and Dave are sitting at a table, discussing something. She looks at the screen again, and the phone is starting to pick up some reception. She looks again and the two men are now gone. Her heart is pounding within her chest as she looks at the screen again. It has full reception now.

She bites her bottom lip and she dials Cragen's cell number, because she knows that he will be able to handle this best.

"Donald Cragen," he answers.

She looks out the window again and she doesn't see the men. She sits down and she turns the volume on the phone up a little higher then puts the phone on the floor next to her and out of sight.

"D-Don," she begins quietly.

"Casey?"

"I've been abducted from my house," she says. "By two men…one's name is Dave Foster, I think, and the other one's name is Bill…"

"Casey, do you know your location?"

"No," she says. "But it's by the bay…I can smell saltwater and fish. I think I'm in an abandoned factory…can you trace my call?"

"We haven't gotten that far yet," he says. "Just hang on, okay? Where are the men now?"

"I-I don't know."

/\/\/\/\/\

Mike is on the phone with the FBI, and Olivia is listening in on Casey.

"Sweets, how are you feeling?" She asks. "Did they hurt you?"

"I'm a little bruised up," Casey says in a shaky voice. "But I'm otherwise fine…"

"We need a trace on this phone now," Tucker almost yells into the phone. "We've got an ADA out there, so drop whatever the fuck you're doing…"

"They're both fucking pervs," Casey mentions. "Shit, one of them is coming… it's Foster…"

"Casey-"

"Where the hell is my phone!?"

Cragen hears a slap and Casey yelps. "GET OFF ME!"

The detectives hear a struggle over the phone and another slap, then a growl from a male, then everything is quiet.

"Who the hell is this?"

"This is Captain Donald Cragen."

Before anything else can be said, the line goes dead.

Cragen looks at Tucker.

"Were they able to trace the call?"

"They only got within a ten mile radius," Mike says. "She wasn't on long enough."

"Shit," Olivia huffs. "Casey's pretty tough and she can hold her own for a bit, but if it's two against one, I don't like her odds."

"Well I'm running the names she gave us," Elliot says. "Dave Foster…fifteen years with NYPD…works at the 1-9 in the burglaries unit. And of course Bill Janssen."

"Chester won't answer his phone, Cap," Fin reports.

/\/\/\/\/\

Chester pulls up to the address Bill Janssen provided. He parks his truck then he gets out and he finds an open door and walks through it into the darkened building. He draws his gun and aims his flashlight. He walks carefully, cautiously down the hallway, until he sees dim lights. He turns off his flash light and he walks into the open area. There is an old, rickety table and a couple of equally rickety chairs.

Casey stands up, that after hearing nothing but silence for the last fifteen minutes. Foster had turned the light off in the office, so she has been sitting in the dark as well, save for the very dim lights from the open area outside the room she is in. She looks out the window and she sees Chester.

"Chester!" She yells. "Chester!"

He continues to look around.

Another problem has presented itself: he cannot hear her through the glass, apparently and her eyes begin to water with frustration.

She looks down at her cuffed wrist, and her eyes follow the pipeline. The ceilings are exposed, and she prays that the noise she makes will carry.

She begins to clank the handcuffs against the old, tired metal. She clanks quickly and as loudly as she can.

Chester hears the clanking, and he furrows his eyebrows.

Before he can begin to follow the clanking, there is gunfire.

Chester ducks and runs behind a piece of machinery.

"Lake!"

Chester peeks out from behind the old machinery. He doesn't see the shooters.

"Detective Lake, come out, come out wherever you are," Bill Janssen taunts.

Chester peeks again.

"First tell me where Casey is," Chester says into the expanse of the factory. "Let her go, Janssen. She doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Nah, I think I'll let her stick around to watch you fucking die, Lake," Bill chuckles.

_Where the fuck are you?_ Chester thinks to himself as he slowly gets up, but still crouched low.

There is more gunfire, and Casey ducks as the windows in the room are shattered by the gunfire. Chester runs, but he's hit in the shoulder and he is hit in his right leg. He falls to the floor, growling in pain. Just as he is sitting up, a few moments later he feels something hard being bashed over his head and he back on the ground, dazed and now with a sharp, searing pain surging through the back of his head.

In the room, Casey is panicked as she watches Dave Foster push Chester over onto his back with his foot.

"Chester!" She yells.

"Shut up!" Janssen yells over to her.

Dave comes down the steps to the catwalk and he approaches Bill.

Bill takes out a cigarette and a lighter. He puts the stick between his lips and he lights it, taking a long drag then slowly releasing it.

"The time has come, the walrus said," Bill begins. "To talk of many things…many fucking things, Lake."

He turns an gestures to Casey. "And to you, Ms. Novak."

He takes another drag of his cigarette and lets out the smoke.

Chester looks up at Bill.

"You're one stupid bastard, you know that, Lake?" Bill chuckles maniacally. "You just couldn't leave well enough the fuck alone, could you? I mean…ten years, and you still have no clue what the hell's going on…"

He grabs Chester's collar and pulls him up and turns him to look at Casey.

"And your little ADA, who by the way, is one hot piece of ass, has no idea what she stepped in," Bill says.

"If you do anything to her…" Chester begins.

"What?" Bill says, letting go of Chester's collar before he brutally kicks Chester in his back. "What're you gonna do? You've got to realize that you've fucked up her life just as badly as you've fucked up yours and mine…"

Chester gets up. "And just how the hell did I do that?"

Bill comes over and he punches Chester in his stomach and Chester retaliates by jabbing his elbow into Bill's back. Dave jumps into the fight and he kicks Chester in his wounded leg and then punches his injured shoulder, causing him to shout in pain and he falls to his knees. Bill takes another drag of his cigarette before he punches Chester across his jaw.

Chester falls onto his side, and he spits blood from out of his mouth.

Dave kicks Chester in his stomach over and over, and stomps on his side. Chester rolls onto his back, coughing violently, trying to catch his breath.

"Get up," Bill commands.

Chester gets onto his side and he slowly pushes himself up.

"If you want me to I can solve your case while I kick your ass," Bill says, flicking his cigarette away.

Chester tackles Bill and begins to punch the man over and over again.

Dave comes and pulls Chester off of Bill and he punches Chester in his ribs and throws him onto the ground again.

The men are no longer in her view, but she can hear the brutal beating that Chester is receiving. She hears Chester grunting and shouting in pain, and she feels completely helpless at the moment. She hisses at the burning pain as she twists her wrist in the handcuff.

She jumps when she hears a gunshot and then the tears come when she hears Chester shout in pain again.

/\/\/\/\/\

"ARRGH!" Chester shouts as he holds his elbow.

Dave aims the gun at his head, but Bill emerges again, this time with a bat.

He swings the bat and it collides into Chester's side and he growls.

"What…do you…want from me?" Chester asks, his voice strained from the pain.

"I just want you to shut the fuck up and listen," Bill says. "I burned down your girlfriend's house to the ground…I wanted you to suffer for a bit…I wanted you to know what it's like to lose someone important to you."

Chester shakes his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Dave kicks Chester a few more times before punching him in his shoulder again.

"What am I talking about?" Bill chuckles. "You believe this fucker, Dave? Still doesn't have a goddamn clue. What kind of shithead detective are you? I'm talking about revenge, Lake. I'm talking about making you pay for killing Thomas Crane…you killed my little brother, you son of a bitch!"

Both Dave and Bill beat Chester mercilessly for a few more minutes before they weaken him to the point where he can barely walk.

Bill drags Chester back into Casey's view, then he grabs Chester by the hair and pulls him up, forcing him to look at Casey. Chester looks into her eyes, and he sees her, he sees her face, he sees her crying. He hates himself in this moment, for putting her through all of this, and for putting himself in a situation where he might never see her again, or his child. He's determined not to lose her because she's carrying his baby inside her. He knows that she's smart, and that she's a survivor…if he dies as she escapes, he'll be grateful because she will have a life, and have his child.

"Would you look at that," Bill says. "We got a couple of love birds…"

Dave chuckles. "I gotta go take a piss."

With that, Dave walks out of the area.

"Well, I guess this is mono-a-mono," Bill jests. "Now it's a little more fair."

Bill kicks Chester once again in the stomach, and he coughs, trying to get up, but there is pain in his side and his head is throbbing.

"What's the matter Lake?" Bill taunts. "Can't take a hit!"

He kicks Chester again and he is flatted on his back.

Bill steps on Chester's wound on his leg.

Chester growls in pain.

"You can't take a little pain," Bill says angrily. "After you had the balls to kill my little brother in cold blood, you're going to cower like a little bitch in pain?!"

He hits Chester across the face with the butt of his gun.

"STOP!" Casey yells furiously. "STOP IT YOU BASTARD!"

"SHUT UP, BITCH!" Bill yells.

"You're a fucking dumb ass, Janssen!" Casey yells. "Chester didn't kill Crane! Listen to me!"

Bill kicks Chester again. "Now you've got your slut trying to save you…piece of shit!"

Bill stomps on Chester again.

"No matter what I've done, or what you're going to do to me," Chester grunts through his pain. "You're the piece of shit, Janssen. You'll always be a piece of shit. All four of you…Kralik, Crane, Foster and you."

"Shut the fuck up!" Bill says, drawing his gun and aiming it at Chester's head. "Your girlfriend's hot…she's got a great ass. You're a lucky man, Lake. First, I'm gonna splatter your brains all over the floor, then I'm gonna drag your girl down here to see you. I want her screaming while I rip off her clothes and do her like the slut she is."

"You're one sick fucker," Chester grunts. "You know…what you're biggest problem is?"

"What?" Bill asks, humoring Chester.

"You talk too damn much," Chester says then he somehow finds the strength to use his uninjured leg to swiftly knock Bill off of his feet and onto the floor with a grunt. Chester then gets himself up and he stumbles off to a darkened hallway. Bill gets a few shots off, and Dave rushes back in.

"Bill, what the fuck!"

Bill gets up and he rushes over to Dave. "Go take care of that little bitch."

"With pleasure," Dave grins.

Bill heads off into the hallway.

Casey sees Dave approaching, and she stands still. He smiles at her when he makes it to the room, through the frames of where the windows used to be, and then he opens the door. He saunters to her slowly, and she follows his every move with her eyes.

/\/\/\/\/\

"I've narrowed down the location," Morales says.

"What have you got?" Cragen asks.

"I isolated the radius Tucker's people gave me," Morales explains. "Now, within the radius of the bay, I've found five abandoned factories in the area."

"Morales, we don't have time to storm all of them," Cragen says, now frustrated. "Give me something I can use."

"Two of the factories are being remodeled and have night watchmen," Morales says. "One was gutted out by fire, and the fourth is where homeless people hang out. That leaves this one. Moorehouse Steel Factory. It's our best bet, Captain."

"Thank you," Cragen says.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Lake! You can't run from me!" Bill yells as he slowly follows Chester. "There's no where else to run, Lake."

Chester can't orient himself in the darkness that shrouds him and he makes a left turn, leaning against the wall when the pain in his leg becomes too great. For a moment, he stops, lamenting that just weeks ago he'd been injured in the opposite leg, only to get injured in his other leg. Breathing is difficult and he knows that he's got some fractured ribs.

He continues to hobble down the darkened hallway for what seems like hours, but was really only minutes. He feels like he is in a maze, and he is trying to find his way back so that he can get to Casey. The lights above are flickering on and off, providing very little light, and he can barely see what is in front of him. He stops and leans up against a wall to rest his leg a bit. He hears footsteps and he pushes himself up and continues to make his way down the hall. He walks for a bit before he sees the closed off wall in front of him. He turns around, and he sees Bill Janssen down at the juncture of the two hallways.

Bill turns and he sees Chester in the dim light.

"There's no way out, Lake," Bill says, his voice echoing a bit as he slowly walks down the hallway. "You better start saying your prayers, Lake. You're trapped. Look at you, you're a disgrace. I'm doing you a favor, killing you 'cause you're never going to get your badge back. If you're not a cop, you think your little girlfriend will stick around?"

Bill walks toward Chester, aiming his gun at his head once again.

Chester wills himself to stand up straight, ignoring the pain and he looks Bill in the eye.

"Ah, so you're going to take it like a man," Bill says. "Die with a little dignity."

"I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of anything less," Chester says, his voice a bit strangled from the pain in his ribs.

A diabolical smile crosses Bill's face before he speaks.

"Any last words?"

Chester nods. "Yeah. Look behind you, asshole."

Bill turns round and before he knows it, a bullet collides with his skull right between his eyes.


	10. Chapter Ten: Down

Notes on An Aftermath

Chapter Ten: Down

The coppery smell of smoky blood immediately fills the heavy, humid air.

Chester had quickly crouched down to shield himself from the spray of blood, causing him extreme pain. He tries to push himself up, but he can't, and he stumbles back.

In the semi-darkness, he sees the figure he'd spotted behind Bill with a gun trained while he'd been taunting him, slowly approaching. For a moment, Chester's heart speeds up, not knowing if it was back up finally, or if it was Dave Foster, mutinizing his leader. The figure gingerly steps over Bill Janssen's dead body and comes closer and closer. He closes his eyes.

When he feels a soft hand caressing over his cheek, he is relieved.

"Casey…"

"Hey," she says softly, quietly as she sets the gun down onto the floor and puts her free hand on his other cheek. "It's okay…everything's okay."

She pushes her hair behind her ears then she sits against the wall very close to him.

He reaches his left hand over and he puts it on her abdomen.

"I'm okay," she whispers, tears falling down her face. "We're okay…"

He drapes his arm over her waist and she wraps her arms around him as he rests against her shoulder. He grunts from the pain and he keeps moving, tying to alleviate some of the pain, and she holds him tightly with a strength she's never known before.

"Stop moving, it'll only make it worse," she says softly.

He stops moving and she holds him.

She looks straight ahead down the hallway. It is darkness down to the other end too, only a few dim lights flickering.

After what seems like hours upon hours of waiting, sirens can be heard outside. It takes another twenty minutes they can hear SWAT trotting down the hallway. They see a few senior members at the junction and they turn and shine their flash lights, spotting them.

"We found 'em," a member says, lifting up his hood as he approaches Chester and Casey. "We're clear. We need paramedics in here. Ma'am, are you injured?"

Casey shakes her head.

Another SWAT member checks Bill Janssen for a pulse.

"He's dead," he reports.

Olivia, Elliot, and Cragen all enter the hallway, flashlights pointing straight ahead, and Casey shields her eyes.

"Case, are you alright?"

Casey nods, words just being too much for her right now.

The paramedics rush in and they begin to aid Chester. Casey holds onto his hand after he is put on the back board. She kisses his hand and their hands hold tight to each other. She is in the way and she doesn't realize it.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to move," a paramedic says politely.

Cragen sees that Casey is in need of help herself and he gently touches Olivia's elbow.

"Go get Casey and take her outside," he says.

Olivia nods and she goes over to Casey.

"C'mon Sweets," she says in a soft, motherly tone, putting her hands on the younger woman's arms. "Let them take care of Chester. You're both safe now. C'mon."

Casey reluctantly lets go of his hand and Olivia escorts her on their way out of the factory.

/\/\/\/\/\

Elliot comes up to Olivia, who is near the ambulance where Casey is being examined.

"Well, Bill Janssen is dead," he sighs. "And Dave Foster is in custody. Casey really beat the shit out of the guy."

"Good girl, Casey," Olivia grins a bit, before turning serous again. "How's Chester doing?"

"He's stable," he says. "Beaten up real bad, though. What about Case?"

"She's okay," Olivia sighs, looking over to the other ambulance where Casey is verbally berating the paramedic. "Being stubborn as hell."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Casey huffs. "Read my goddamn lips. I. Am. Fine. The blood on my shirt isn't mine…leave me the hell alone."

"Ma'am, I have to examine you," Harrison, the paramedic, says. "It's part of our protocol."

"I don't give a shit about your protocol," Casey hisses. "Don't lecture me about protocol!"

Harrison, the paramedic examining Casey, is getting frustrated with her stubbornness and refusal to answer his questions. He goes over to Olivia.

"Detective, can you please talk to her?" He asks. "She's not cooperating, and I just want to do my job."

Olivia nods, then she goes over to the ambulance gets on and she sits down opposite Casey.

"Case," Olivia says softly. "I know that you're in a haze right now, but can you please just let the man do his job?"

Casey frowns. "I'm fine…Liv, can you please tell that asshole to stop harassing me?"

"Casey, you need to get checked out," Olivia says firmly. "For the baby's sake."

"No, just leave me alone!" She hisses as she gets off of the ambulance.

Casey is dizzy, and she feels her legs turn to molasses.

Harrison catches her just in time before she hits the ground and he helps her to sit down again.

Olivia steps off and she puts her hands on Casey's shoulders.

"Case, you're pregnant," she says. "You need to be reasonable, and let the paramedic examine you."

"Just leave me alone, Olivia!" Casey yells as she gets up again.

"Case-"

"No," Casey interrupts harshly. "I'm fine and I'll get checked out when we get to the hospital. Leave me alone. Please."

With that, Casey pushes past Olivia and she goes to the ambulance that Chester is in. She climbs in and she takes his hand in hers.

/\/\/\/\/\

The ambulance ride was the longest ride of Chester and Casey's lives, and she never let go of his hand the entire time. They finally pull up to the emergency room of the hospital, and Casey is relieved.

"Thirty five year old male, name: Chester Lake, he's a detective with NYPD, unconscious," Jacobs, the paramedic reports as they roll Chester into the ER. "BP is dropping, blunt force trauma to his head, possible concussion, several broken ribs, possibly a punctured lung, pulse ox is dropping, he's got a GSW to his right leg, left shoulder, and right elbow and possible internal bleeding."

Dr. Gillison snaps on a pair of gloves. "I'm gonna need a CT scan, also X-ray, get Dr. Martinez down here…"

Casey's heart is pounding within her now, after hearing just how serious Chester's condition is. She is forced to let go of his hand when the nurses take him into the ICU. She begins to go in, but she is stopped by one of the nurses.

"Ma'am, I can't have you in here," the nurse says softly, calmly.

"But I-I have to be with him," Casey says tearfully. "He needs me with him."

"Ma'am, I understand, but I can't have you in here right now," the nurse says. "I promise you, we'll take good care of him, alright?"

With that, the nurse walks through the double doors and then they close after that.

Casey doesn't know what to do with herself now and she stands there in the middle of the hallway helplessly, pathetically, as if she were still trapped in that damned room, cuffed to the furnace. She feels ridiculous too; she is in her pajamas, and she feels naked almost because she has no bra on under her spaghetti strap shirt, and she feels like she's revealing herself to the entire staff in the hospital as they walk by. She embraces herself and rubs her arms, feeling cold. She feels dirty and grimy, and she can still feel the way Foster's tongue slid along her neck; she can still feel the coldness of his vile saliva on her skin. She can still feel his body pressed up against hers, she still feels his hand on her breast, squeezing, she can still feel his hand in her pants, touching her between her legs through her panties…

She's never understood the feeling before, being sexually harassed or being touched by another against her will. Because all of the places Foster touched her, those are places she allows Chester to touch. She allows Chester to lick, nip, and kiss her neck, she allows Chester to press his body against hers, she allows him to touch, massage, and squeeze her breasts, she allows him to touch her between her legs…it's pleasurable when he does those things.

But having Foster's hands touching her…she feels tainted having been touched in such a vile, perverted manner.

And the way Janssen had leered at her, and stared at her body.

Now Casey kind of understands what Olivia went through at Sealview. It's the intention that makes it worse. She knows that whenever Chester touches her, he doesn't mean her any harm, he wants to please her and comfort her.

Foster and Janssen had wanted to destroy her soul and her body.

Harris had done that to Olivia.

He intended to hurt Olivia with his disgusting mouth and hands and his…

Casey didn't let it happen to her. She didn't let Foster or Janssen violate her any further than they already have. She still feels dirty because what was in his mind had touched her, and she doesn't want that on her. But she'd have wanted to die if he'd gone any further; at that moment, all she could think was that she couldn't let either of them do anything _inside_. Inside, is not only her soul, but her baby.

"Ma'am?"

Casey jumps and turns.

"It's alright," a nurse by the name of Jennifer says softly. "Ma'am, do you need any help?"

Casey's heart is pounding within her.

"Um…" Casey begins in a quivering voice, looking at her top. "I need something else to change into…do you have showers that I can use?"

Jennifer looks at her.

"Is there anything else you need?" Jennifer asks, looking at her knowingly.

Casey looks at her, and shakes her head.

Jennifer inspects Casey carefully, then she nods. "Alright…why don't you go down to that exam room down there, okay?"

Casey nods. "I-I'm pregnant…"

"How many weeks?" Jennifer asks.

"Almost ten," Casey says.

"Okay, we'll check you out," Jennifer says then she heads off.

Olivia walks into the hospital, and she sees Casey standing at the end of the hall. She approaches her friend.

"Casey," Olivia says.

The younger woman looks at her.

"Sweets?" Olivia asks.

Casey begins to sob. "Olivia!"

Olivia hugs Casey tightly and Casey cries into her shoulder.

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey lets the hot water wash over her body. The nurse she spoke to had been gracious to her. She gave her a room and gave her a pair of scrubs and a sweatshirt to wear.

She runs her hands over her hair again before she grabs the soap and begins to wash herself. She hasn't spoken to a doctor about Chester's condition, and she is worried because he was brutalized by Janssen and Foster. She'd witnessed some of it, heard more of it. Her heart broke in that moment because she thought about the conversation they had a few evenings before. She'd been so angry at him, and in that moment, she wished that she'd just embraced him instead of remind him of all the mistakes he'd made. She should have forgiven him and not said all those things to him. She knows his heart, and he wants to be with her just like she wants to be with him. Now she may lose him.

The first time he'd gotten shot, she'd been so afraid because of the argument they had earlier that same evening. Casey now knows that it wasn't fair of her to stop Chester from pursuing his case. He'd called her a hypocrite, and he'd been right because she remembers all the times that she's pursued cases just to assuage her own guilt. It was unfair for her to expect him to just let it go.

It's over now, the case, everything.

Now it's time for her life to start again. She's got to reset her priorities now.

Casey steps out of the shower and she dries off. She uses the little bottle of lotion then she gets dressed. She puts her dirty, bloodied pajamas into a bag before she throws them away. She steps out of the room, feeling a little better, but she still can't wipe away the feeling of Foster's hands all over her. It makes her stomach lurch to think about it, and she shakes her head of it, focusing on finding out Chester's condition. She pushes her damp hair behind her ears as she walks up to the front desk.

"Excuse me," she says and an older nurse turns to her.

"How may I help you?"

"I need to speak to a doctor," Casey explains. "About my boyfriend…he was brought in about an hour and a half ago…I-I need to know how he's doing."

"What's his name?"

"Chester Lake," Casey says.

The nurse picks up the phone and calls the ICU and speaks with the charge nurse.

Casey drowns out the noise around her. She prays that Chester will be alright because she knows that she won't be able to handle it if she lost him. She loves him so much, and she's so afraid of being alone.

"Ma'am, Dr. Gillison will be out to see you in a moment," the nurse says. "There's a sitting area over there."

"Thank you," Casey says as she goes over to the waiting area and sits down.

Olivia comes back into the hospital, that after going outside to speak with Cragen. She puts her cell phone back into the holder before she spots Casey sitting in the waiting area. She goes over and sits down next to the younger woman.

"Hey," Olivia says softly. "Are you alright?"

Casey sighs. "Yeah, I'm fine. The baby's okay…"

"That's good," Olivia grins. "I'm happy for you, Sweets."

Casey puts her hands on her abdomen.

"I'm gonna be a mom," she smiles tearfully and Olivia smiles too. "Can you believe it?"

"Yeah, I can," Olivia says. "You're going to be a great mom, Casey. This baby will be so blessed to have you and Chester for its parents."

Casey bites her bottom lip, sniffling. "Do you think we'll be okay, Liv?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia asks.

Casey swallows thickly. "When they took me…they set my house on fire. It's gone, isn't it?"

Olivia sighs. "Yeah."

"We've lost the lives we've known," Casey says, beginning to cry. "Everything that's made us comfortable and everything that we know is there and can rely on is gone. My _whole life_ was in my house, Liv. I had pictures, keepsakes…my mother's hope chest…it's all gone. There are things that are irreplaceable. And I know I should be grateful that I'm here, and I am. I thank God that Chester and I are here, but I just don't know what to do."

"Sweets, you'll figure it out," Olivia assures her.

Casey nods.

"Dave Foster is in custody now," Olivia says.

"Good," Casey says flatly.

Olivia looks at Casey.

"Did they…hurt you?" Olivia asks.

"No," Casey says. "But Foster…he touched me all over…but I didn't let him go any further."

"You did kick his ass real good for him," Olivia says.

Just before Casey can say anything else, Dr. Gillison comes into the waiting area.

"Ms. Novak?"

"Yes," Casey says. "How's Chester?"

"Well, he's stable right now," Dr. Gillison begins. "But he's going to need surgery. He's got a punctured lung and the beating also ruptured his spleen. We were able to remove the bullets from his leg and shoulder, and the wound in his elbow was minor. He's also got several broken ribs, and he does have a concussion."

Casey begins to cry again.

"Will he be okay?" Olivia asks.

"With the surgery, getting his ribs set, and plenty of rest, he should make a full recovery," Dr. Gillison says. "Ms. Novak, the prognosis looks good, so there's no need to worry."

Casey sniffles. "Thank you."

He nods then he heads back into the ICU.

"Casey, you should go to Chester's place and get something to eat then rest," Olivia advises.

"I have to be here," Casey says. "I can't leave Chester alone."

"Sweets, he'll be in surgery for the better part of the morning," Olivia says. "It's almost six now. You're exhausted, and you need to get some sleep."

"I don't want to be by myself," Casey says quietly.

"Well then you can stay with me at my place," Olivia says. "We'll swing by Chester's place and pick up a few things, and you can stay with me. You want to do that?"

Casey nods.

They get up.

"Wait, I have to go see Chester before he goes into surgery," Casey says.

She goes into the ICU and she asks the nurse where Chester is then she goes over to him. She takes his hand in hers and kisses it softly before she smoothes over his hair.

He wakes up a bit.

"Casey…" he says in barely above a whisper.

"Shh," she says softly. "It's okay…everything's going to be fine. You're going to be alright. I promise you I'll be here when you wake up. I love you."

She leans down and kisses his lips before she pulls away.

The nurses come and Casey lets go of his hand and gets out of the way as they roll him to the OR.

Casey goes out of the ICU and Olivia looks at her.

"Ready?"

Casey nods.

/\/\/\/\/\

After a restless night because of so many things going through her mind, Marion Kralik decides to get out of bed and go have a cup of coffee. On the way to the kitchen, she grabs the remote and turns on the television and puts it on the morning news.

"_Good morning, this is Manhattan Eleven it is a little after six thirty, this is Heidi Goodlight._"

Marion goes into the kitchen and takes out the coffee.

"_Some stunning developments coming from earlier this morning," Heidi begins. "We've learned that over night, assistant district attorney Casey Novak was abducted from her home in a Queens suburb by what we have now confirmed were two NYPD officers. Shortly after taking her from her home, it was set ablaze_."

Marion drops the can of coffee.

"Thomas Lowe is at the warehouse where ADA Novak and Detective Lake were rescued with the details. Thomas."

"_Thank you Heidi_," Thomas says. "_Yes, a bizarre set of events that this reporter is still trying to work through led up to the brutal beating of NYPD detective Chester Lake by fellow officers Bill Janssen and Dave Foster. So far, the police and Internal Affairs have not given us too many details other than the fact that one officer Bill Janssen is dead and Dave Foster is in custody._"

"_Thomas, has the NYPD or Internal Affairs disclosed the motive for ADA Novak's abduction_?"

"_So far Heidi, I've learned that this was indeed retribution over the trial and subsequent murder of Thomas Crane," Thomas explains. "ADA Novak was the prosecutor in the case. We believe that she and Detective Lake were targeted by Bill Janssen and Dave Foster_."

"_What is their condition_?" Heidi asks.

"_ADA Novak escaped with only minor injuries, but I've jut been told that Detective Lake is stable but in serious condition and he's currently in surgery at St. Catherine's Hospital. The doctors are optimistic that he'll pull through_."

"_Alright Thomas, thank you," Heidi says, shaking her head. "Again, we've confirmed that one NYPD officer, Bill Janssen, is dead, the cause a gunshot wound to the head, the other, Dave Foster is in custody, and the victims, ADA Novak and Detective Lake are both alive at this hour. Very, strange, twisted story, and Manhattan Eleven will continue to update you as more information becomes available to us. In other news…_"

Marion puts her hand over her mouth as she begins to sob.

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey didn't realize that she didn't have the key to Chester's apartment until she arrived at the door.

"Shit," she huffs.

Her key had been in her purse in her house, which is now a pile of rubble. She leans her forehead against the door, and she breaks down again. Olivia puts her hand on Casey's back.

"Sweets, it's okay," Olivia says. "Just stay here, I'll go get the landlord to open the door for you, alright?"

Casey sniffles and nods.

Olivia goes downstairs and Casey wipes her tears and then she turns and leans her back up against the door. She closes her eyes and she thinks back to when she and Chester had come back to his place after completing some mundane task. She leaned up against the door just like she is doing now, only then, she'd been laughing and Chester kissed her softly.

It was one of many moments that she has filed away in her head.

She feels nauseous, and it's about that time for her to vomit. She can't wait for this morning sickness to pass because she hasn't eaten a filling, decent meal in many weeks. The other day she'd had a craving for a steak dinner, complete with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob, but she could only stomach some soup and a slice of bread.

Olivia arrives with a duped key to the apartment, and Casey takes it quickly.

"Thanks," she says as she quickly turns the lock and opens the door.

Casey rushes inside and makes a beeline to the bathroom, her hand over her mouth.

Olivia grimaces when she hears Casey throwing up and she goes into the kitchen and finds a glass and pours some water into it. She then begins to look around for some saltines for Casey to eat and a plastic bag on the ride over to her apartment because Olivia doesn't want Casey getting sick in her car. Olivia knows that Casey can't stand piddling around her kitchen, but technically, it is Chester's kitchen, so Casey has no room to talk.

Olivia is quite surprised to find that everything is in order, labels out, everything in its place neatly. It is the same throughout the rest of the one bedroom apartment. His apartment is nice, comfortable furniture, plenty of bookshelves, everything is compartmentalized, and there isn't a single thing out of place. There isn't a stitch of clothing or even shoes scattered about to be found, and Olivia grins a bit. She thinks Casey might have found her soul mate in Chester after all. Casey is a very neat person as well, and Olivia wonders if they've ever clashed, especially over the kitchen. But they look like they get along because her things have blended seamlessly with his. Although, if Casey moves in to this place with Chester, she doesn't know how long this zen will last once Casey has the baby. The place is nice, Olivia doesn't know how things will be with Chester, Casey and a screaming newborn all inhabiting the place. Olivia knows that Chester is ridiculously optimistic and that he will find a way to take care of his family for the time being in this little place, but Casey…she's seriously downgrading because her house had been optimal space wise, and just the simple fact that Casey decorated that house from top to bottom.

It hasn't hit her yet, which at the moment is a good thing because Casey's got other priorities at the moment, but the reality that everything she had, all that work she put in is completely gone hasn't set in yet. She's got to see it for herself.

"What are you looking for?" Casey asks in a peeved tone when she sees Olivia rummaging around in the kitchen. "Stop it."

Olivia sighs as she stops looking through the cabinets. Correction. It is Casey's kitchen, no technicalities there.

"Saltines," Olivia says. "And a plastic bag for you."

"Why a plastic bag?" Casey asks.

"In case you get sick in the car," Olivia says. "Believe me, it comes in handy. When Elliot was sick one time, I had plastic bags in our car…he fought me tooth and nail, but he did eventually use them that day."

Casey is now in a foul mood, which Olivia can understand. She goes over and opens up a cabinet and takes out the box of saltines and then she opens up the cabinet under the sink and retrieves a plastic bag.

"I have to go get some clothes," Casey says as she picks up the glass of water Olivia poured and she pours it out in the sink, washes it out quickly and sets it into the drain out of force of habit. "I'll be ready in a minute."

"Take your time, Sweets," Olivia says.

Casey nods and heads back to the bedroom. "Out of my kitchen, Liv."

Well, Olivia is comforted that Casey still has her wits and habits about her. The night she'd just been through had been very traumatic, and so it is a minor miracle that Casey isn't completely breaking down. Olivia picks up the saltines and the bag then she goes and sits down on the couch.

In the bedroom, Casey brushes out her now wavy hair and then she pulls it back with headband. She takes off the scrubs she'd been given at the hospital and she puts them in the hamper at the end of the bed. She takes out a bra and a pair of panties and she pulls those on before she opens up the drawer. She takes out a pastel green button down blouse and then she goes over to the closet and takes out a pair of jeans. She pulls on her clothes then she finds a white sweater and pulls it on. Outside of work, Casey is no fashionista. Most of the clothes to go out and about or just hang out in are hand-me-downs. Her, her mother, and her sister are all remarkably the same size and at some point every year, she gets a box delivered with nothing but old clothes. She doesn't mind because she hates shopping and she hates labels.

Casey takes out a bag and she packs a couple more pairs of jeans, a few more blouses, underwear, one more sweater, and some hygiene things. Once she has everything she needs, she goes out of the room.

Olivia stands up.

"Do you have everything you need?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah," Casey says.

Olivia hands Casey the saltines and the plastic bag and they head out.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Bitter End

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Eleven: Bitter End

Mila rubs her hands over her face as she makes her way back to her desk at IAB. Ham is gathering up the files as he speaks with Tucker on the phone.

"Yeah," he says as he hands the files over to Mila. "I'll go ahead and tell Graylik…alright."

Ham hangs up and then he sighs.

"Well, the Hernandez case is officially closed," he says. "ME Warner confirmed that Bill Janssen's DNA matched her other samples…he was the rapist and Thomas Crane is his half brother. Crane's dead, Dave Foster is on his way to Riker's, and Casey Novak rid the world of Bill Janssen."

Mila nods. "Glad that's over and done with…you know, Lake was right."

"About what?" He asks.

"His girlfriend is a good shot," she explains. "It was dark as hell in that hallway and she got Janssen square in the head."

He nods.

"We still don't know who killed Thomas Crane," he says. "I mean, that was the whole MO for wanting to take out Casey Novak and Lake. Foster said that he and Janssen thought Lake killed Crane. Imagine his surprise when we told that dumb bastard that Lake didn't do it."

"I'm sure he was shell shocked," she sighs as she plops down into her chair. "Well, if we never find Crane's killer, I can live with that. He was a bastard just like his half brother…guess being a criminal runs in the family."

"Yeah, it sure does," Ham says, handing Mila another file. "I had a forensic accountant work on finding out the source of Francis Tramer and Brea McKenna's instant wealth…turns out that all the money came from a one H.T. Lawson."

"Who the hell is that?" Mila asks.

"He's a city counsel man," Ham says. "But apparently, he's got stocks, bonds, and he's a silent investor in several companies…he's rolling in it. I dug a little deeper, and found out something real interesting."

"What?" She asks.

"H.T. Lawson is Bill Janssen's and Thomas Crane's father."

Mila furrows her eyebrows.

/\/\/\/\/\

Olivia is boiling some water for some tea as she cuts up some lemon to put in it. When the saltines made Casey's nausea worse, Casey told her that ginger snaps would be best. Olivia asked if Casey needed anything else from the store, she said no. It's been a few hours, and Casey has been sleeping pretty well, just stirring slightly every now and then.

When the kettle whistles, Olivia goes over to the stove and she takes it off the burner. She turns off the stove then she places the kettle on a trivet. She then opens up her fridge and she takes out a green apple. She's hoping that the tanginess will help Casey's stomach and entice her appetite. She peels the apple then she slices it.

"Hmm…"

Olivia looks up and she sees Casey beginning to stir again. When she quiets, she goes back to making Casey's snack. Once she is finished, she goes over and gently pats Casey's arm.

"Sweets," she says. "Casey."

Casey furrows her eyebrows and inhales, opening her eyes. She rubs a hand over her face and she sits up, sighing.

"What time is it?"

"Nine thirty."

Casey combs her fingers through her hair.

"I made you a snack," Olivia says. "You feel up to eating a bit?"

"I guess," Casey says.

Olivia goes into the kitchen and she puts the apple slices onto a plate then she puts some ginger snaps onto it before she goes over and hands the plate to Casey.

"Thank you," Casey says.

"Do you want some hot water with lemon?" Olivia asks. "That helps too."

"Please," Casey says as she eats an apple slice, puckering her lips. "Sour."

"Good," Olivia chuckles. "That should help your stomach."

Olivia pours some water then she squeezes some lemon juice in it before she drops it into the mug. She sits next to Casey and hands her the mug, and the younger woman takes it gratefully.

"Thank you," Casey says, taking a sip before she bites into a ginger snap. "Liv…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I got pissed at you about telling Chester about the baby," Casey apologizes. "I realize now that you were just looking out for me and him too."

"No Case," Olivia says. "You don't have to apologize. You were right. You made a decision and I should have respected that, no matter what the circumstances."

"Still," Casey says. "I'm sorry because I was more angry at myself than I was at you."

"How does Chester feel about the baby?" Olivia asks.

Casey sighs. "He's scared…he's not sure if he'd be a good father or if he'd be there emotionally. I mean, that's what he was trying to tell me. I already had it in my mind to be upset at him and I didn't want to hear what he had to say to me. It's all so silly now because look what happened. It's my fault."

"Casey, none of this is your fault," Olivia says.

"Yes it is," Casey says, beginning to cry. "I should have told Chester about the baby sooner. I had a feeling that I'd gotten pregnant, and when I was in Philadelphia with him, I should have told him. I wanted to tell him but I was afraid. I didn't know how he'd react because we never talked about having kids."

"Honey, there's no way you could have known any of this was going to happen," Olivia says.

"But I should have just told him," Casey sniffles. "I should have trusted him like he trusts me. Things would be so different if he knew. They would, Liv."

"All you can do now Case," Olivia begins. "Is press on. You, Chester, and the baby are all okay. You're going to get through this, and become a family."

Casey nods, then she grins.

"Just before we left to go to Philly, Chester brought me flowers. He knew that lilies were my favorite."

Olivia nods.

"I was so scared," Casey continues. "When our relationship became deeper and more intimate, I was scared that I wasn't ready because I didn't realize that I'd been holding on to what I had with Charlie for so long."

"Did you tell Chester about Charlie?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah," Casey says. "It actually all came out after the Piccard case. I was so hurt and I was crying, and I just told him everything. Charlie was my first _everything_…and I didn't think that I would ever love another man as much as I loved him. Then Chester came into my life, and over the last year and a half, I've laughed more than I have in years, I started going out more…he makes me feel good about myself. I like who I am around him."

Olivia rests her head on her fist as she draws a knee up.

"You know, now that I think about it," Olivia begins. "There were a few times where Fin mentioned that Chester kept staring at your ass."

Casey laughs.

"I mean," Olivia continues. "Everyone knew that he had it bad for you, but it's amazing that there are four other detectives in the squad and we didn't notice that you two were dating. It's a shame, actually."

"That's no reflection on your detective skills," Casey assures Olivia.

Casey sips at the tea and she sighs, her stomach feeling soothed. She puts a hand on her abdomen and caresses her thumb over it.

"As soon as this morning sickness passes," Casey begins. "I'm gonna have a huge t-bone steak dinner, a tall glass of lemonade, and then after that, I'm having a big ass banana split sundae for dessert."

"You hate bananas," Olivia mentions.

"I know," Casey grins. "But I've been craving bananas and mangoes. Now I'm craving a steak dinner, but I can't stomach it right now."

Olivia takes a ginger snap when Casey offers her one and she bites into it. Casey looks at her watch.

"I should head back to the hospital."

"Call and see if Chester's out of surgery yet," Olivia says, handing her the phone.

/\/\/\/\/\

"_First, I'm gonna splatter your brains all over the floor, then I'm gonna drag your girl down here to see you. I want her screaming while I rip off her clothes and do her like the slut she is."_

_Chester can feel his heart racing, and he wants to move, but his legs feel like they have lead weights on them. He tries to sit up, to try to execute some defensive move, but the pain is much too great. He feels the barrel of the gun in Janssen's hand press against his forehead. Bill Janssen lets out a humorless chuckle before he pulls the trigger._

_Chester knows that he's dying quickly. He hears Casey screaming and crying, and he can hear Bill slapping her._

"_NO! NO!"_

_He can see Bill dragging her along by her arms, and she is kicking and screaming and struggling. He feels his heart slowing down, and breathing is hard to do now. He doesn't want to see her get hurt. He wants death to come and engulf him so he won't see the horror of his failure to help Casey._

"_Stop fighting me, bitch!"_

_Casey wrenches from Bill's grasp, and he sees her running toward him, as his vision begins to fade._

_Bill aims the gun and he takes a shot, and Casey stumbles to the floor._

_Death, where is it? Now he has to watch her die? He has to watch her die with his baby inside her?_

_He closes his eyes and then he hears a baby crying._

_He opens his eyes again, and he sees Casey holding their baby in her arms. She is sweaty, pale, and exhausted from giving birth, and she smiles as she hands the infant to him. He takes the baby into his arms and he smiles._

_Suddenly, the baby stops crying, stops squirming, its slippery, bloody body lifeless, and he looks at Casey, and she's bleeding everywhere. He calls for help, but no sound escapes his mouth. He screams out for help, and he feels his throat getting scratchy from making soundless sound, and slowly, everything just fades away…_

Chester emerges from his dream state, and his eyes open slowly. The room is dim, and he hears the beeping of a machine. He blinks slowly again, his mind foggy, and swimming with drowsiness. He groans at the pain in his chest when he tries to sit up a bit. He exhales then he pushes himself up, muddling through the sharp pain as he sits up a little more in bed. He sighs, resting back onto the pillows, then he looks around the room, and he spots Casey, and he's relieved to be in this reality. She is safe and sound, sleeping peacefully in the lounging chair next to his bed. She's wrapped up in a blanket, and curled up underneath. She looks beautiful, and he can't imagine how exhausted she must be from everything that's happened, and from the baby.

The baby.

He wonders if she's been checked out by a doctor, if she's made sure that the baby is alright. He doesn't want to wake her to ask her though. She needs to rest. He hopes that she's eaten too, if not, he will tell her to go eat if she's already been seen by a doctor. She's stubborn as hell though, and she will insist that she's fine, but he will ask for a meal and give it to her to eat.

He has a headache now, and he feels hazy.

_Oh God_, he thinks to himself. _Her house…she'll be completely devastated. I don't think she'll be able to salvage anything. She had pictures of her family…her grandmother's necklace…it's all gone now._

He wonders what they will do now.

He's still got his apartment, and she's got some clothes there, and some of her other jewelry.

He's got to take care of Casey. He's got to give her a home she deserves, he's got to make her comfortable so that she has a healthy and relaxing pregnancy, he's got to prepare for their baby.

Chester will work as hard as he can to support Casey and their child. He's secure in the knowledge that he will be able to transition easily from one career path to another. He's always had a plan B because anything can happen. Everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. He and Casey both are at the lowest point in their lives thus far. But there's hope in the knowledge that the only direction they have to go in is up.

He looks over at Casey again.

He loves her so much and she's too precious to him; he knows that he's hurt her and that he tried to shut her out, keep her at arms' length when all she'd wanted to do was help him and be there for him. She was trying to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life, their life. Chester realizes that the decisions he's made lately have been well-intentioned, but misguided. He feels incredibly guilty for costing Casey her career. He should have known that their relationship would cloud their judgment.

_God forgive me_, he prays. _I was selfish and vengeful…it almost cost me the woman that I love, my child…I love them both so much, and I don't want to put anything else ahead of my family again. Casey is the best thing that's ever happened to me…you brought us together, and I don't want to mess it all up again._

Chester looks over at Casey again when he hears her whimper in her sleep, but she turns onto her side and goes back to sleep.

It is quiet for a few moments before the door to his room opens and closes rather harshly.

"Mr. Lake?"

The doctor's deep, resounding voice plus the sound of the door wakes Casey with a start, and she sits up, her eyebrows furrowed, and her hair a bit tussled. She blinks her eyes a few times.

Chester looks at her, and he can see that she'd been awakened from a deep sleep because her eyes are still drooping a bit. She still looks completely wiped out, and he glares at the doctor, who is looking at his chart, not even noticing that he's caused a ruckus. He's pissed at the doctor now, for waking her.

The doctor turns to Casey finally.

"Afternoon, Ms. Novak," the doctor says. "I'm sorry to wake you."

"That's alright," she says before she throws the blanket off of her and she rubs her eyes a few times before she gets up, grinning when she sees Chester looking at her. "Hey…"

"Hey sweetie," he says.

She gets up, combing her fingers through her hair before she comes over to him and kisses him softly.

"Ms. Novak and I have already met earlier. I'm Dr. Paulson, I performed your surgery."

Chester nods.

"Well, your vitals look good," Dr. Paulson explains. "The surgery was a success, we were able to stop the bleeding, and we had to remove your spleen because it'd been ruptured from the beating. We've set your ribs, and we've removed the bullet in your shoulder, and the wounds in your leg and elbow were flesh wounds, no broken or fractured bones, but you did need stitches, though. We're going to keep you here for a few more days, then discharge you. With a few months' rest, you should make a full recovery."

"Thank you," Chester says.

Dr. Paulsen nods then he heads out of the room.

Casey takes his hand in hers.

"How long have you been awake?" She asks.

"About twenty minutes," he sighs. "I was watching you sleep. Did you get checked? Is the baby okay?"

"Yeah," she smiles. "The baby's fine. The heartbeat is strong and the baby's at the right size."

"Thank God," he says, putting his hand on her abdomen. "How are you feeling?"

"I still have some morning sickness," she shrugs. "But other than that, I'm alright."

"Have you eaten anything?" He asks.

"I ate some fruit," she says. "I'm staying with Liv until the doctor discharges you."

He sighs. "They told you about your house?"

She nods. "I saw Janssen start the fire. I knew that it would be gone."

"I'm sorry sweetie," he says.

She shakes her head. "What matters right now is that we're both okay and that our baby's okay. The house is replaceable."

"But you had pictures of your family, a lot of your stuff," he says.

"I know, but…it's okay," she says.

"Have you been to see the house yet?"

She shakes her head, her eyes glistening.

"Chester," she begins, now crying. "I'm so sorry for the awful things I said to you. I knew what you meant. I know that you're scared about the baby, I am too. I wasn't honest with you…I should have told you about the baby sooner. I should have told you when we were together in Philly…"

Chester grins.

"I figured out that you were at that point," he chuckles. "You were eating bananas, and you couldn't stand the sight of jelly on toast. At the time, I didn't think anything of it, but when Liv told me, it made sense."

"I wanted to tell you," she sniffles. "But I was afraid that you wouldn't like it…we never talked about kids."

"I want to have kids with you," he says. "I want to be a father, Casey. I do. Even though I'm scared, I'm willing to overcome that and be a good father and provide for you and our baby. I want a family with you."

She leans down and kisses him. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he says. "You should go back to Olivia's and get some rest."

"I want to stay here with you," she says.

"I'm not going anywhere," he grins. "You're exhausted, I can see it in your eyes."

She sighs. "Alright. I'll come back tomorrow morning, okay?"

He nods.

She kisses him again and he caresses her cheek.

"I love you," he says.

"I love you too," Casey says.

She picks up her sweater then she heads out.

/\/\/\/\/\

H.T. Lawson sits in his study in his brownstone, a small glass of whiskey in his hand.

Both of his sons are dead, and now, he's got nothing.

He called both Bill and Thomas' mothers; he informed them that their sons were dead and that he'd take care of the funeral arrangements for them. One mother had been upset, the other had been…relieved.

He swivels back around to his desk and he looks at a newspaper article about ADA Casey Novak. The anger boils within him, and it is so strong that he shatters the glass in his hand when he slams it onto his desk. He finds a permanent marker, and he furiously crosses out Casey Novak's face on the page. He then picks up the paper and hurls it across his office, sections and pages falling out and scattering.

He's failed his sons.

He leans back into his chair and he sighs.

His grandson is too weak to seek justice, and he is as well.

H.T. is getting on in age, and he can't do any more physical damage than what Bill has already done.

He swivels back to look out the window again.

There is a knock on his door.

"Mr. Lawson?"

It is his maid, Hannah.

"Mr. Lawson, there are some people here, they say they're from the Internal Affairs Bureau."

He turns and he stares at the door.

There is a louder, more insistent lock this time.

"Mr. Lawson, this is Agent Robert Hamilton. I have a warrant for your arrest. Step out of the room, sir."

Ham and Mila both look at Hannah.

"Is there a key?"

"Yes, but he took it from me," Hannah says, beginning to cry. "What's going on? Why-"

There is a gun shot, and Hannah stumbles back against the wall of the vestibule, screaming and holding her shoulder. Mila immediately aids the woman, and takes her out of the line of fire.

There are two unis with him and they get on the opposite side of the door.

"Goddammit, Lawson!" Ham yells.

There are three more shots fired through the door and Ham and the two other unis crouch down.

H.T. Lawson fires again, then he sits back down in his chair. He checks his pistol, and there is a single bullet left. He spins the barrel then it clicks back into place. He'll be damned if he goes to jail. He's got nothing to hold on to anymore, nothing but his good name.

"One, two-"

There is another shot and Ham kicks in the door, gun trained on Lawson, but he quickly lowers it when he sees H.T. Lawson's dead body slouched in his large, leather chair, a bullet in his skull.

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey made it back to Olivia's apartment building. Olivia made sure to give her a duped key so that she could come back in because Olivia had to be at work. Casey had to drive Chester's truck because her car had been totaled because of debris from her house. Fin and Elliot had dropped it off for her, and she realized just before she left to go to the hospital that she didn't have her driver's license on her. Everything had been in her house. Of course, she didn't mention that, because not even the three detectives realized it and she didn't want to waste any time debating it with them.

She'd had a time parallel parking Chester's truck, though. She hadn't driven a truck since her pre-teen years on her parents' farm. Her father had the bright idea of teaching her how to drive when she was just eleven because he wanted her to learn how to take on more responsibilities on the farm. That whole year, she'd been a nervous wreck trying to drive, and her father constantly yelled at and berated her about her lack of understanding. It didn't help anything that it was a stick shift and not an automatic. By the time she was of age to drive, she'd developed a hatred for both four door Chevy pick-up trucks and stick shifts.

Lo' and behold when Chester showed up at her house with his black Chevy pick-up truck to pick her up for their third date. Flash backs of the horrid time she'd had in her father's truck assaulted. She'd been a nervous little kid, and all of that came flooding back to her.

Casey takes out the key Olivia gave her as she steps off the elevator. That short ride up to Olivia's floor made her dizzy. The motion of it made her feel lightheaded and she had to steady herself on the wall. She heads down the hall, but then she slows down when she sees that the door to the apartment is ajar. Surely, Olivia can't be home from work this early, and the older woman is super-vigilant about her safety these days since her trauma at Sealview.

She bites her lower lip, feeling nervous and on alert now because of her own traumatic experience in the last twenty four hours. Her hand inadvertently lands on her abdomen, an innate need to really think about the best way to handle this while protecting her baby. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and she fights back tears from her nervousness as her breaths become shallow as she casts a glance down the hall then back to the door. She is pressed up against the wall just a few feet away from the door.

Her mind is racing, thinking that perhaps it might be Dave Foster. Maybe he escaped and he somehow found out where she'd be. Maybe he wanted to finish the job Janssen started…

Something crashes to the floor inside the apartment and Casey jumps, and tears fall down her face, and she feels nauseous.

She slowly goes to the door and she pushes it open slowly, so slowly, it feels like she's moving in a jar of molasses. She wipes her tears with her free hand as the other pushes the door open. She doesn't see anyone in the living room, and she takes the opportunity to sneak into the kitchen and pick up the cutting board. She knows how to defend herself, but she is thinking about her baby now and her body is a bit too weak to fight.

She hears some noise in Olivia's bedroom, and she slowly makes her way down the hall. The door is ajar as well, and just as she reaches her hand out to push it the rest of the way open, it opens up and a tall, broad-shouldered man appears before her, and instead of fighting, Casey panics and screams and she drops the cutting board. It falls to the floor and she backs away, her hands covering her face.

"NO! NO!" She screams. "DON'T HURT ME!"

"Hey, hey," the man says, trying to see who it is. He knows that this woman isn't Olivia. This woman is much too pale, a bit slimmer, and she's got longer, reddish-blonde hair. "Calm down."

Casey leans up against the wall, hyperventilating and sobbing all at the same time. She puts her hands on her chest, and she looks at him, and she recognizes him, but she can't recall his name at the moment.

"Casey Novak?" He asks, finally recognizing her.

She regards him suspiciously, still hyperventilating. She sniffles and begins to calm down her breathing, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the wall. Once she calms down enough to speak, she looks back at him.

"What the hell, Porter?! You scared the shit out of me!"

Dean slowly approaches her. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"What are you doing in Liv's apartment?" Casey asks, still pressed up against the wall.

"I have a key," he says. "She ought to not be so predictable. She leaves her dupe in the broken sconce out in the hall."

She furrows her eyebrows. "Granted that is predictable and quite stupid of her to leave it there but…_why are you here_?"

"I could ask you the same question," he says humorlessly.

"Don't pull that bullshit with me, Porter," she hisses, glaring at him. "You just put me in a really fucking bad mood."

Her green eyes have instantly turned from light green to a dark jade green, and he takes his attitude down a notch.

"Sorry," he says.

She wipes her tears and she gets off of the wall and she crosses her arms over her chest.

He picks up the cutting board.

"So is this a habit of yours?" She asks. "Coming into Olivia's apartment when she's not here like some perverted, obsessed, creepy stalker or something? She seriously does not need that right now, believe me."

"You've spent way too long at SVU, Ms. Novak," he sighs as he walks past her and into the kitchen.

She stalks into the kitchen.

"You've got some damn nerve," she huffs. "I come into Liv's apartment only to find you in her bedroom, going through her stuff. Considering what a prick you are and the fact that you're here without Olivia's knowledge, I'd say that it was a fair question _Agent Porter_."

He puts the cutting board onto the counter.

"Whenever I have some down time, I drop by," he says. "Sometimes unexpectedly, but I can assure you that Olivia doesn't react to me being here so defensively like you just did."

Casey furrows her eyebrows.

"That's a lie, Olivia can't stand you."

"Eh, she puts up with me," he grins. "Now, enough about me, what are you doing here?"

"That's none of your business," she frowns.

He goes into the living room and he sits on the couch, much to Casey's chagrin.

"You don't think you're staying until she gets back from work, do you?" She asks.

"Look, contrary to what you may believe, Olivia does have a life," he says. "And I happen to be in it more than you think. She's okay with me being here, trust me."

Casey pushes her hair behind her ears and she sits on the loveseat and pulls her knees up to her chest.

"Whatever," she huffs before she puts her head atop her knees.

Dean can tell that Casey is obviously distressed by something.

"Look um, I really am sorry for scaring you," he apologizes. "I've been out of the loop. What's going on? Why are you here at Liv's? Did something happen?"

"Olivia's fine," Casey says tearfully as she looks at him. "She's helping me out right now. I'm in a lot of trouble, and she's letting me stay with her for a few days so I don't have to be alone."

"What kind of trouble?" He asks.

"Would you just leave me alone?" She asks, getting up and going into the guest bedroom and slamming the door.

She cries as she lies down. She can't face what's happening head on anymore. She's way too scared, way too tired, and she wishes that there was a reset button so that she could go back and do the last couple of months differently. She's got a baby on the way, and she's managed to screw up her life. She feels like a failure, and she feels irresponsible.

_How can Chester and I bring a baby into this world right now_? She asks herself. _We're both in a horrible situation, and how do I know that we're not going to drive each other crazy? How do we know that we have the same ideas about raising children? What if Chester turns out to be like my dad? What if I'm too submissive and hover like my mom? God knows what kind of families Chester has had to deal with growing up in the system…I can't deal with this! I just can't! I want to call my mom. I want to call my sister…I can't. I don't have anything, not even a fucking cell phone! I'm such a failure and I'm an idiot!_

Casey gets up and she goes out of the room.

Dean looks up as she rushes to the door.

"Where are you going?" He asks, but she doesn't answer as she walks out and closes the door.

/\/\/\/\/\

Marion Kralik finishes packing up her belongings.

There is a bus ticket to Montana, where her sister lives. She can't stay here anymore. She's got to leave and start over. She can't deal with all that's happened, she can't deal with the gaping hole that her husband's death has left in her heart. She needs to fill it up with something else. The last couple of months has revealed an ugly, dark side to Edward. One that she didn't want to face. Edward was a rapist. He'd raped those two young girls, and it makes her wonder.

How long had he had those feeling about little girls? She thinks back to all the holidays, all the Christmases he'd spend in the company of her sister's three young daughters. She wonders what he was thinking all that time while he picked them up, hugged them, kissed them on their cheeks…she wonders if he'd ever thought about doing what he'd done to those two girls ten years ago. She wonders if there's more that the police don't know about.

She wonders.

She doesn't care about her furnishings, she's donated all of Edward's clothes and property to charities around the city. She's thrown away her wedding ring and all the jewelry he's bought her over the years, suddenly finding that she can't stand the sight of them.

All the times they've made love…the memories now sicken her because she wonders if he'd been picturing a ripe, young, pretty little girl…all those times when he'd been a little too gruff, when it'd been too hard and one sided…what was he thinking about?

The first time she thought about it, she vomited.

Marion picks up her suitcase, then she puts her bag on her shoulder. She then picks up her ticket and puts it into her purse before she grabs her other bag, full of her books and crossword puzzles for the trip. She heads out into the hallway and she closes the door and locks it. She walks down the hall to the elevator and she gets on, facing the wall. She doesn't want to look back.

Ever.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Taking Stock

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Twelve: Taking Stock

Olivia walks into her apartment with a bag of groceries in her arm. The lights are on, and she assumes that Casey is somewhere in the apartment. She has some things to make Casey a hearty dinner because the younger woman is looking beyond pale and fragile these days, and Olivia knows that it's from her barely eating anything for weeks on end and her current situation. She can't imagine how stressed and tired Casey must be.

Olivia realized at work that Casey had no cell phone when she tried calling her again in the afternoon. Then it also hit her that she'd let Casey drive to and from the hospital without a license or identification. She'd have to help Casey sort all of that out some time. She also hopes that Casey will remember to get a new prescription for prenatal vitamins. There's a lot of things that Casey needs to take care of.

"Casey?" Olivia calls. "Case? I've got some stuff to make some dinner. You're gonna eat if it kills you."

There is no answer, and she figures that Casey might be asleep.

Olivia goes into the kitchen and puts the groceries onto the counter.

"Casey…"

"She's not here."

Olivia jumps at hearing another voice in her apartment.

Dean sits up off the couch and she tilts her head to the side.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, coming over to him.

"I'm in town for an orientation," he says. "Thought I'd stop by."

"Where's Casey?" Olivia asks.

"I accidentally scared her," he explains. "She was a real nervous wreck…she got pissed at me then she left."

"And you just let her go?" Olivia huffs. "She's got no cell phone…no ID, no money…"

"I didn't know that," Dean huffs.

"She's very emotional and irrational right now," Olivia argues as she goes over to the window and looks outside. "Shit. She took the truck."

She turns to Dean, who is now behind her and she shoos him out of her way as she opens up her cell phone.

"What's going on?" Dean asks.

"You clearly saw that she wasn't all together," she criticizes further. "You just let her go out there…you could have given her your cell phone or called me at the very least when she left."

"You're right," he agrees cynically. "Yeah, because I'm completely aware of what's going on and I can read your mind."

"Federal Bureau of Imbeciles…" She laments, shaking her head and glaring at him. "My tax dollars at work."

He sighs. "We actually prefer Federal Bureau of Idiots…imbeciles are the CIA."

She frowns at him as she flips her phone closed, sighing. Once she thought about the only other place Casey would go beside to see Chester at the hospital, his apartment, Olivia's apartment, and her local parish.

Olivia rubs her hand over her forehead.

"Mind if I have a beer?" Dean asks and she looks at him incredulously.

"You are such an asshole!" She hisses then she heads out.

/\/\/\/\/\

There's absolutely nothing that Casey can salvage.

She'd come to the house, wanting to go through it herself to see if there was anything, pictures…something that she could find just to dampen the pain. She tore off the tape that had been cordoning off her front yard and she went up to her house. The smell of charred wood, accelerant and some other caustic materials surrounded her and she went back to the side walk and she vomited. She'd taken a deep breath before entering her house again, against her better judgment, willing herself not to become sickened by the smell.

She spent the rest of the evening going through the house carefully, jumping a few times at the sound of unstable debris and wood.

Everything was blackened and dirtied, or it was ruined by the water. It didn't help anything that her entire upstairs was now collapsed into the downstairs. Her bedroom was in her dining room, completely destroyed, her office and guest bedroom were now on top of her kitchen…she couldn't get to the closet under the stairs, and she couldn't go into her basement because the stairs had burned down to ground level and the platform at the top was gone too.

At some point, Casey gave up and she stumbled over the part of her roof that used to cover her porch, then she just sat down in the grass, where she is sitting now, feeling numb and cold.

She draws her knees up to her chest and she rests her head upon them, willing herself not to cry because there is no point. Crying will not solve a damn thing, nor will it changed what's happened. But she sure does want to.

It's a good thing she'd asked for more pictures of her baby when they checked her out at the hospital. She knew that those were gone.

She wonders if Chester felt the slight, firm bump in her belly. The baby is growing, even as she is thinking about it. That is something good that they can look forward to; their baby will be here soon. It's months away, but the baby will definitely be here soon enough. She thinks about holding her baby for the first time. She thinks of how good it will feel, becoming a mother for the first time, Chester being a father for the first time.

_What a time for me to be pregnant_, she thinks to herself. _I want to be a mother, but…I need time to get past all this. The baby will be here before I know it. I want to be a mother, but I'm not ready. I've ruined everything for us. I shouldn't have been so stupid. Daddy was right about me…I get something good and I somehow manage to screw it up. How will I be as a mother? Am I going to fail at that too?_

The street lamps come on and the front yard is dimly lit, and she closes her eyes.

/\/\/\/\/\

Olivia drives down Casey's street. The neighborhood is old, and so are the houses. Casey took great care of her home, though and she helped her elderly neighbors from time to time. That is what is so heart breaking for Casey, the fact that she put so much time and effort into decorating her house and keeping it up.

All of it is gone now and Olivia feels just as devastated as Casey.

Olivia pulls up to Casey's now destroyed house, and she sees the younger woman sitting in the front yard with her knees pulled tightly into her. Olivia parks and then she gets out of the car and heads over toward Casey.

"Sweets?" Olivia says softly as she sits down next to the younger woman. "Are you alright?"

Casey looks at Olivia, shaking her head as the tears come.

"No, Liv," Casey cries. "No, I'm not alright. Everything is gone! There's not a single thing in there that-"

"You went through the house by yourself?" Olivia asks. "Case, you could have gotten hurt or worse. You shouldn't have done that. You-"

"Don't start that with me right now!" Casey yells tearfully. "Just don't…do that right now! Just leave me alone!"

"Casey, you really need to rest," Olivia insists. "Too much stress can affect the baby…and you need to eat. You haven't eaten for hours. There's nothing you can do about what's happened."

"This was _my_ house, Olivia!" Casey cries. "With _my_ things inside…this all happened because of me! I'm a failure, and I have no idea what I'm going to do!"

"Well, you'll figure it out, Sweets," Olivia assures a distraught Casey. "You and Chester are going to be just fine. The two of you are very strong, intelligent, resourceful, driven people. I'm sure the both of you will figure out where to go from here."

Casey sniffles and wipes her tears with her sleeve. "I'm just so scared, Liv."

"I know honey," Olivia says. "But you need to give yourself time to work things out. Just deal with one thing at a time. Besides, you'll have cute little baby to love on pretty soon. Knowing that even cheers me up."

Casey smiles a bit. "You wanna be Auntie Liv?"

"Of course," Olivia grins.

Casey sighs and she glances back at her house then she looks at her hands.

"Everything is happening so fast," she says. "Chester and I never talked about anything commitment wise, we never talked about having kids together…moving in together. I'm going to have to move in with him now, even though I really don't want to."

Olivia is surprised by this confession.

"Why not?" Olivia asks. "I mean, you're in love with each other, you should move in with him."

Casey shakes her head.

"I don't want to."

"Why?"

"It's too soon," Casey says, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I do love Chester. I love him so, so much, but I'm not ready for that."

Olivia sighs. "Is this because of what you went through with Charlie? You do realize that you're in a completely different relationship, right?"

Casey nods. "I know that…I just…even though Chester and I have a great relationship, it's been hard. It's been really hard for both of us because of things we've been through before. I don't move in with him, and then it falls apart and we both end up hurt. Or we move in together and never marry each other…"

"Sweets, this is all based on what's happened before and what you think will happen," Olivia says. "I mean, what are you saying? You're not thinking about breaking up with him, are you?"

Casey bites her bottom lip and she looks at Olivia.

"Oh Sweets," Olivia groans.

"I don't know," Casey says, putting her hands on her forehead. "I can't think about that. I can't think about any of this right now."

Olivia puts her hand on Casey's back.

"And you don't have to," Olivia says. "C'mon."

Olivia helps Casey stand up then they walk over to Olivia's car.

/\/\/\/\/\

After spending another couple of days in the hospital, Chester is finally being released. Casey is with him and she is waiting patiently for him to finish signing all the paperwork.

"Alright Mr. Lake, you're good to go," Dr. Paulsen says. "But I would advise you to rest a few more weeks and not overdo it."

"Thanks," Chester says as he hands the discharge papers back to Dr. Paulsen.

Casey fishes out his wallet from the bag his clothes are in and she hands it to him. He takes it gratefully and he kisses her cheek.

"Thank you sweetie," he says.

Casey looks a little more rested than when he'd last seen her and he's glad that things are beginning to settle down now. He knows that they both have a lot to think about, but right now they both just need to take everything in and cope with everything that's happened before they can even talk about what to do next.

Chester acquiesces when the nurse nearly badgers him about their policy of escorting a patient out of the hospital in a wheelchair.

They make it to the front of the hospital and he gets up and takes Casey's hand in his.

Aside from her saying good morning when she first arrived, she's been quiet ever since.

"Are you okay, Case?" He asks.

She looks at him. "I'm fine…I'm just so tired. It sucks right now because all I want to do is puke and sleep."

"Now that everything's over, we can both get some sleep," he says. "You especially."

The drive to his apartment is quiet, and he wonders what is on Casey's mind.

They go up to the floor his apartment is on and they walk in.

"Do you want anything to eat?" He asks. "Because I can order something-"

"No," she says, her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm not hungry. I can make you something if you want…"

"I'm not that hungry either," he says. "I'm not that tired, but you should lie down for a little bit. I know that you're exhausted."

Casey's cheeks burn with irritation. She doesn't want to be mad at him, but she is, and she is angry at herself, tears are glistening in her eyes.

"No, you don't know," she huffs as the tears fall down her cheeks. "You don't know…"

She sniffles and combs her fingers through her hair then she shakes her head.

"I can't do this Chester," she cries. "I just can't…I love you, but I can't do this."

Chester comes over to her. "Casey-"

"No, just let me finish," she cries as she steps away from him. "I am just barely beginning to really grasp all that's happened and even though I didn't mean to say all the horrible things I said to you…I'm still mad at you, Chester. Even when I thought I would lose you, I was mad at you. I'm willing to accept my part in everything that's happened, but…I needed you. The moment I lost that case, the moment Liz told me that I may lose my job…I needed you there with me and you weren't."

"I-I'm sorry-"

"Stop saying you're sorry!" She yells. "I don't care that you're sorry! As many times as I've been there for you, you weren't there for me! All this time I've felt so guilty for not being there, but why should I? You made that case more important than me and that's what hurts, Chester! You left me alone from the start of this whole thing when for a while I was the only person that trusted you, that knew you and believed you."

"What do you want me to say?" He asks, trying to be patient with her. "I told you that I never wanted to leave you. I never meant to hurt you, and I promise you that from this point on, I'll never leave you. I love you too much, and I know that I've made mistakes."

"No, this was more than just a mistake," she says. "This whole thing told us something about our relationship, about each other. It told me that I haven't been the most important thing in your life, and it told me…how utterly and pathetically insecure I am. You know who you are, you're proud of who you are, and I love that about you. I don't know who I am, Chester. You may know what you want to do next, but I don't. I don't have a clue, and I'm having a baby. I'm going to be a mother soon and I have no idea what I want to do next."

"We can work on that together," he says.

"No," she cries. "I can't…I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to move in with you…I don't want to be with you anymore."

He is angry with her now. "So that's it? You accuse me of wanting to leave you, but what do you call what you're doing right now?"

She wipes her tears, heading to the door.

"I-I have to go," she says as she opens the door and walks out.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Casey," Olivia says softly through the door. "Sweets, c'mon, at least come out and try and eat something."

"Go away Olivia," Casey says miserably from within the guest bedroom. "I just want to be by myself right now. Leave me alone."

"Honey, you're never going to get through this if you lock yourself away," Olivia sighs. "If anything, you've got to eat."

It's been two days since she broke up with Chester, and she's been ignoring Olivia and ignoring his phone calls. She's so tired, tired to the point that she can barely get out of bed anyway, her malaise is that severe. She doesn't even want to try to eat something because she won't keep it down anyway. Liz Donnelly did leave a message, telling Casey the date and time for her appearance before the disciplinary board, like she could give a shit about it anyway at this point. She can't wait until this part of her pregnancy is over because it is just awful.

Olivia comes into the room and she puts her hands on her hips.

"Case, get. Up," Olivia commands.

"No," Casey groans defiantly.

"Yes," Olivia insists. "I am not going to let you do this to yourself. _You_ made the decision to break it off with Chester, _you_ chose to throw your career away, _you_ chose to put your personal feelings ahead of what you know and believe is right. All the choices you've made…it's all on _you_. Chester has to deal with the consequences and so do you."

Casey sits up with much effort and looks at Olivia. "I know that. And I do accept the consequences of my actions. I just want to be left alone because I'm tired, and I'm sick. Sure, I'm sad over the break up, but it has less to do with that than just the fact that this baby is kicking my ass right now."

Olivia comes in and sits on the bed.

"Do you want some tea?"

Casey shakes her head.

"I think the reason why you feel so bad is because you're not doing anything," Olivia says. "You need a good, healthy meal, and some exercise. That should help fight the nausea. I made you a green, leafy salad for the fiber, and I bought real ginger root, and peppermint leaves for you to eat when you feel like you have to vomit, and lots of fruit."

Casey furrows her eyebrows. "Peppermint leaves?"

Olivia shrugs. "Oregon."

"Ah, gotcha," Casey nods, understanding the reference.

"C'mon, get out of bed," Olivia encourages as she gets up and picks up Casey's robe from the end of the bed and holds it open.

Casey sighs as she gets out of bed slowly, and Olivia helps Casey get her robe on. Once Casey ties her robe she turns to Olivia and she hugs her.

"Thank you for being such a good friend to me," Casey says appreciatively.

"No problem Case."

Casey pulls away and sighs.

"C'mon," Olivia says as she gently pushes Casey out of the room an into the hallway.

Casey trudges into the living room and collapses onto the couch, resting her forehead in her hand.

"I'm so damn tired," she groans.

"It'll pass soon, Case."

Olivia comes into the living room.

"Here," Olivia says as she places a plate with a heaping salad onto Casey's lap. "Try and eat some."

Casey sighs and sits up a little straighter and she picks up the fork and begins to eat.

Olivia places a glass of water onto a coaster on the coffee table.

Casey furrows her eyebrows.

"What'd you put on this?"

"Lemon juice," Olivia says. "I didn't want to put anything oily or fatty on it."

Casey nods.

Olivia goes back into the kitchen.

"Where's Dean?" Casey asks.

"At his hotel," Olivia sighs. "He wants me to have dinner with him on Sunday, but I told him no."

Casey looks over at her. "Why?"

Olivia shakes her head. "Because…"

Casey tilts her head to the side. "You didn't use me as an excuse did you?"

"I really don't want to leave you by yourself, Case," Olivia says.

"I hate to break it to ya darling, but I'm thirty two years old," Casey quips. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"I just thought that you might need some moral support."

Casey frowns. "Moral support my ass…which will be the size of this state by the time I have this kid."

"No it won't," Olivia chuckles.

"What's the deal with you two anyway?" Casey asks, as she puts the plate down. She could only tolerate a few bites.

"What's the deal with you and Chester?" Olivia bounces back.

"You first."

Olivia shrugs. "Nothing…I mean, when he's around, we have a good time. It's just that neither of us have time for a relationship. Long distance or otherwise."

"Well, aside from the fact that he's a prick, and that he sticks in Elliot's craw," Casey grins. "I think Dean would make a lovely boyfriend."

Olivia smiles. "I'm glad you think so highly of him, Case. Now…you and Chester."

Casey tucks her feet under her on the couch and sighs.

"I don't know what I want to do," Casey begins. "I just need some time alone to think. I can't focus on what I'm going to do next while trying to work on our relationship…I told Chester that I don't even know who I am. I-I'm not as confident and self assured as I look."

Olivia comes over and sits next to her friend.

"All of us have insecurities Sweets," Olivia says. "You're not perfect, and I don't think Chester wants you to be. He loves you for who you are, and if you think that you're the only one that's heartbroken, you're wrong. He's heartbroken too…heartbroken for you. You can't face this alone, Case."

"I've been facing things alone long before Chester came into my life," Casey says.

"I know that, and you're a strong woman, but now you have a child on the way," Olivia says. "And you have a man that loves you and wants to be with you and raise his child with you. He doesn't want you to do this alone anymore than I do."

"I'm so mad at him though," Casey says angrily.

"Why?"

"Because…" Casey begins. "I needed him with me…I needed him with me when I lost the case, I needed him with me when I found out we're having a baby together. I needed him to tell me that everything is going to be okay and to hold me and to be happy with me. And I know that I've been a whiny, selfish, hormonal bitch, but it's how I feel."

"Sweets, you've got to forgive him," Olivia says. "He's so in love with you and I know that you're in love with him. Now is a perfect time for the both of you to start over. Even if you don't want to live with him right now, this is still a perfect time for the both of you to really talk. Things have been wonderful and going your way for a year and a half…this, everything that's happened is a trial, and you have to get through it."

Casey nods. "You're right…I just need some time though."

Olivia nods.

"Thanks," Casey says. "Now, I need you to do me a favor."

"What?"

Casey gets up and she gets the cordless and she hands it to Olivia. "Call Dean and tell him you're meeting him for dinner."

"Case…"

/\/\/\/\/\

Mila and Ham drive up to the 1-6.

Ham sighs as he parks the car and then he looks over at Mila, who is checking her appearance in the mini mirror inside the visor.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks. "I mean, you're takin' a step down…and a deduction in your pay grade."

"Not that much, Ham," she says. "Besides, I'm completely sure…I want to do this. I mean, these people have so much passion, and dedication. I want this more than I've wanted anything in my life."

"But are you prepared?" Ham says. "I mean, mentally and all?"

"I can handle it," Mila insists.

"Alright," he relents. "Good luck."

Mila smiles. "Thanks, Ham."

With that, she gets out of the car and goes into the precinct.

She goes up to the third floor to the Special Victims Unit and she walks into Captain Donald Cragen's office through the side door to avoid being seen by the other detectives.

"Captain Cragen?"

He looks up from his paperwork, and he stands up.

"Mila Fischer?"

"Yes sir," she says as she comes in.

"Please, sit down."

Mila closes the door behind her then she sits in the chair across from his desk. She hands him her jacket, and he takes it from her and opens it up.

"Captain I-"

"I'm going to make this brief," he interrupts her. "I'm not going to formally interview you."

She furrows her eyebrows.

"Sir?"

"I'm going to be frank with you," he says firmly but gently. "Those four people out there, my detectives, have been on this unit for the better part of ten years and I can tell you right here and now that the crimes we dealt with ten years ago are nothing compared to what we see and deal with now."

Mila turns and looks through the blinds at the four detectives who are conversing together over coffee.

"The victims we get are broken, battered, bloody, and in pain…and alive," he continues. "We've seen such brutal, horrific things that boggle the mind and test its limits. It's only by the grace of God that these detectives still have their wits about them after the shit they've had to wade through dealing with the boils on the butt of society. There will be days when you just want to say fuck it, let's kill the bastards, there will be days when the justice system works in our favor, and days when it screws us over. That's the nature of this job."

Mila swallows thickly.

He glances at her file.

"I see here that you're pretty straight-laced, by the book…"

"Yes sir," Mila says, trying to find her stronger, confident voice. "I um-"

"That book you follow?" He begins. "Toss that goddamn thing out the window, because the way we handle things here aren't even in the book."

"Alright," Mila says.

Cragen closes her jacket then he stands up and extends his hand.

"Welcome to SVU, Detective Fischer."

Mila is confused, having been used to going through the formal process of transferring, getting promoted, and interviewing. This is highly unorthodox, already going against the grain of her professional prudence and traditions.

She shakes his hand, shaking her head.

"I-I don't understand, sir…"

"I'm going to partner you with Odafin Tutola," Cragen says. "Seeing's how we're going to be short a detective very soon, you'll take the desk across from Tutola's once it's emptied out."

"Thank you sir," Mila says, still reeling.

"Look forward to working with you," he says.

"Likewise," she says then she makes her way out.

Before she opens the door, she turns and looks at him.

"Wait," she says. "A-Aren't you going to ask me why I want to work SVU?"

He looks at her. "After your first case."

She nods, then she heads out.

/\/\/\/\/\

Chester debates whether he should try calling Casey.

He's left her alone for the rest of the week and part of the weekend just to give her time to cool off and get some rest. He knows how tired she is, he could see it when she came to the hospital. She'd been dead on her feet. She's already stressed enough as it is, so he is cautious in thinking about what to say to her as well. He doesn't like this break up situation at all. He never saw it coming, and he doesn't know whether to chalk it up to her weepiness and moodiness as of late because of the pregnancy, or if she'd been serious about her not wanting to be in their relationship anymore. He's determined to work things out with her because he loves her. Completely in love with her and he loves their baby, and he doesn't want her to have to raise their child alone.

But the other thing that she revealed to him in their- well, her-tiff is what's giving him pause.

He telling him that she didn't know who she was…throughout the time that they've been together, he did sense that she'd always been an overachiever growing up, with her type-A personality and her drive, he saw that sometimes, when things didn't go her way that she'd criticize herself, make herself think of ways to do better the next time. That's just a part of her personality, but he never realized that some of those traits were deep-seated enough to where she feels like she's a stranger to herself.

She always seemed confident to him and always told her so; how beautiful and intelligent she is, how proud of her he is.

He wonders what she's been translating that into all this time.

He picks up the phone and dials Olivia's number.

The women had come to an arrangement, and Olivia informed him earlier in the week that Casey would be living with her for a while. Olivia came by that same afternoon and gathered up the rest of Casey's belongings and took them to her apartment. So now, sadly, he has his bathroom back, her side of the bed is empty, his closet is a little less crowded.

After a third ring, there is an answer.

"Hello?"

It is Olivia.

"Uh, hey Liv," Chester says. "Is Casey there?"

"Yeah, but she's sleeping right now," Olivia says, rather disappointed for him. "She was going to call you, but she dozed off before she got the chance."

"At least she's getting some rest," he says.

"Yeah, but she hasn't been eating much," Olivia reports. "I think she needs to see a doctor about the nausea. She can't keep anything down."

"I should come over and see her," he says.

"How 'bout tomorrow?" Olivia asks. "Casey's out like a light right now."

"Okay," he says. "Thanks for helping us Liv."

"You're welcome," she says. "I gotta go."

"Okay, bye," he says.

"Bye."

He hangs up then he sighs, praying that he's not going to have to spend his life without Casey.

/\/\/\/\/\

Olivia finishes getting dressed and putting on her makeup, then she turns and she sees Casey sprawled out on her bed, across all of the dresses she'd tried on. Olivia supposes now that it probably wasn't a good idea to ask an exhausted, pregnant Casey to help her pick out what dress to wear on her date with Dean, considering that just about twenty minutes in, Casey began to nod off.

She gently shakes Casey's shoulder.

"Sweets," she says and Casey stirs. "C'mon honey, go get in your bed."

Casey opens her eyes slowly and she pushes herself up off the bed.

"Did you pick a dress finally?"

Olivia chuckles. "Yeah, with no help from you. Go to bed."

Casey groans. "It's too far…"

"C'mon," Olivia says, helping Casey up.

The younger woman combs her fingers through her hair as she makes her way to the guest room.

"Have fun on your date tonight Liv," Casey says. "And no funny business…if Dean tries anything, shoot him in his ass."

"I'm not packing tonight honey," Olivia chuckles.

"Well then kick his ass," Casey corrects, smiling slightly. "Alright. Good night, and no head-board banging tonight."

"Casey Novak!"

/\/\/\/\/\

Olivia is a vision, with her shimmering, smoky, but modest make up, her coal colored silk V-neck dress that stopped at her knees, with dainty black open toed heels. The dress hugs her body in all the right places, but doesn't reveal too much. Her hair is shiny and pulled back with a simple black headband. It brings out her round, expressive eyes.

Dean realizes just how much he's missed her.

"Stop staring Dean," she says as she looks over the menu.

"Can't help it," he says. "You're beautiful. You look amazing."

She grins and looks at him. "You look good yourself."

He chuckles.

"So," Olivia begins as she puts her menu down. "Don't you have to get back to D.C. tonight?"

"Tomorrow," he says. "I wanted to spend some time with you."

She raises an eyebrow. "You might strike out tonight, Dean."

"I think we can work around your prego roommate," Dean says confidently.

"Dean, I really hope you weren't planning to buy me dinner just so we could…"

"No," he says.

"Especially if you're just going to leave again," Olivia huffs. "I mean, I know that we have something between us, but I need more than just a handful of days or nights with you. I don't have time for a long distance thing…I don't even know what this is, Dean. I couldn't even call it a relationship."

"Well, that's part of the reason why I asked you to dinner," he says. "I'm moving here permanently to Manhattan."

Olivia tilts her head to the side.

"Really?" She asks. "Why?"

"I'm the new director of the FBI headquarters here in New York," he announces with pride.

She smiles. "Wow…congratulations. So have you found an apartment…?"

"I bought a house near Rochester," he says. "It's great. I'm set to move in next month."

"That's great," Olivia smiles. "That's…I'm happy for you."

He reaches over and takes his hands in hers.

"Olivia, from the moment I met you, I felt a connection," he says. "And since then, the reason I keep coming back is because I like being around you, I have a good time with you, and I miss you when I leave. You're part of the reason why I took the job."

She turns her hand and laces her fingers with his.

"Are you sure that you want to try?" She asks. "Because if you're not sure…"

"I'm sure," he says. "I-I want to be with you Liv. No more games. I'm willing and ready to give us a try."

She sighs, looking at their joined hands.

"I'm willing and ready too."

They spend the rest of the evening talking, laughing and enjoying the soft jazz music playing the restaurant. For the first time in a long time, Olivia feels genuinely happy, and she has something to look forward to.

After sharing a dessert and a dance, Dean pays for their meal then they walk out of the restaurant hand in hand.

He hails a cab, and he puts his hands on her hips when she kisses him softly.

"Where do you want to go from here?" She asks.

"I like your place," he says. "Considering I drop by there all the time…but will Casey be asleep? It's only ten-thirty."

"Oh trust me, she's sleeping like a log," Olivia says assuredly.

He raises his eyebrow then he kisses her again.

/\/\/\/\/\

She thought the pains were in her dreams. She'd been dreaming about running, and cramping up because she didn't have any water with her. It was hot too, and she was sweating. She hasn't exercised in a long while, and in her dream it felt good, but once the cramping began, it ceased to feel pleasant.

Casey wakes up from her dream and she is curled up in a fetal position, clutching her midsection, feeling painful cramping. She is sweating, nauseous and dizzy. She slowly sits up, willing herself not to throw up until she made it to the bathroom. She takes the covers off of her and she carefully gets out of bed, but another cramp grips her and she nearly collapses.

"Ah, ow…" she whimpers.

She opens up the door to her room and she stumbles down the hallway and into the bathroom.

She opens up the toilet seat and then vomits into the bowl.

She takes in a deep breath, trying to stand up, but it hurts. Her whole body is seized by pain.

It feels as if someone is stabbing her over and over, twisting and shoving deeper.

"Oh God help me," she prays.

Olivia stirs then she tries to pull the covers over her more fully, but there is a deadweight obstructing the movement. She opens her eyes and turns onto her back and she sees Dean sleeping next to her, his back to her, and she grins as she turns onto her side and slides her arm over him as she kisses the back of his neck.

Just as she'd said, Casey had still been nearly comatose sleeping, and she invited Dean into her bed. Again.

She really hopes that he's sincere in what he told her over dinner because life is way too short to play games like that. She wants to have a good, healthy relationship and be happy and content. At forty one, she doesn't have much to offer at this point except her fidelity and her willingness to commit to a solid relationship. But she's happier these days anyway because she's helping Casey, she's looking forward to being an aunt in the very near future, and she feels like she's back in college. Casey isn't a bothersome roommate by any means. She's neat, she cooks (big plus), and she's responsible. It wouldn't surprise Olivia if Casey found another job in the next few weeks or so.

Olivia dozes off again for a few moments, until she hears water running.

She furrows her eyebrows, wondering if she's hearing things, or if it's her toilet acting crazy again.

But the sound is distinct. It is the shower in the guest bathroom.

She gets up and she wonders just what the hell Casey is doing showering at two o'clock in the morning.

Olivia grabs her robe and pulls it on, and heads out of her bedroom as she ties it.

"Case?" She calls as she knocks on the door. "Sweets?"

She hears crying from within and Olivia opens the door.

She sees Casey sitting in the tub, near the spray, crying.

Olivia sees that Casey got sick, and then she sees a pair of bloody shorts and panties in the floor. She is miscarrying the baby.

She rushes over to Casey.

"Honey, look at me," Olivia says.

Casey opens her eyes.

"I-I…my baby…"

"I know," Olivia says.

There is crimson blood mixing in with the water flowing down the drain.

"OW!" Casey screams, sobbing and hiccupping. "It hurts! OW!"

"I'm taking you to the hospital," Olivia says.

"No, no," Casey shakes her head. "It hurts too much…"

Olivia feels so helpless in this moment.

Casey is unnaturally pale, and her skin is cold to the touch. The water is running cold and Olivia turns the knob so that warm water could cascade down. Casey is crying hysterically, and she leans her head back against the tile, praying and yelping through her sobs, rocking herself, shaking her head.

"Please God make it stop," she prays desperately. "Don't take my baby…please God…"

Olivia gets into the tub with Casey and she holds her friend close.

"Oooh, ow, ow!" Casey screams. "God…no!"

Dean comes into the bathroom, and his eyes widen when he sees Casey suffering.

"Liv-"

"Just close the door Dean," Olivia says.

"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?" He asks.

"Dean, just close the door please," Olivia says calmly.

He walks out and he gently closes the door.

"He's going to hate me!" Casey sobs.

"Who?" Olivia asks.

"Chester is going to be mad at me!" Casey cries. "It's my fault! He's not going to love me anymore!"

"Shh," Olivia says softly. "Chester is not going to hate you…"

"Y-yes he is," Casey hiccups.

"Casey, Chester's not going to hate you," Olivia assures her. "Sweets, he loves you and this isn't your fault. These things just happen, sweetheart."

Casey gasps as a more painful cramp attacks her and she whimpers, then she feels more blood.

"AH! OW!" She screams miserably. "Don't leave me, please…"

"I'm not, " Olivia says in a motherly tone as she smoothes over Casey's wet hair. "I'll be right here. Shhh…"

Casey closes her eyes and shuts out her world.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Closure

Notes on an Aftermath

Chapter Thirteen: Closure

Chester knocks on the door to Olivia's apartment.

"Liv!" He calls through.

Olivia had called him, and the moment she told him what was happening, his heart broke. Now they've really lost everything. Casey's pregnancy had been the only bright spot in their situation, something to look forward to, and now their baby is gone. He blames himself because he's caused Casey so much pain and frustration, and that ultimately affected her pregnancy.

"Liv!" He calls through again, then he sighs as he runs his hand over his face.

Olivia opens up the door, a solemn look on her face, and tears glistening in her eyes.

"Come in," she says and Chester steps in.

"Where's Case?" He asks. "Is she okay?"

Olivia puts her hands on his shoulders.

"Chester," she begins. "She's fine, she's in the tub right now. I ran a bath for her and I just got her to calm down, so you can't go in there upset yourself. I called the hospital, and they said that she should go in and have an exam to make sure that her body terminated all of the baby. The bleeding stopped, but she's still cramping."

He closes his eyes. "God…this is my fault. We wanted the baby so much…"

"This isn't your fault," Olivia insists. "Just…support her right now."

He nods then he goes down the hall to the bathroom and he knocks on the door then he opens it, coming in. He sees Casey sitting in the tub, her knees drawn up to her chest and her head resting upon them, turned to the tiled wall. He approaches her slowly.

"Casey?"

"I don't want you here," she says, not facing him.

"Sweetie, I-I'm sorry-"

She sits up, crying. "Goddammit Chester if you say you're sorry one more time I'll fucking scream!"

"I never thought we'd lose the baby," he says, remaining patient with her. "I wanted us to be a family…"

"Stop it," she says stubbornly.

"I wanted to be a father," he says. "I never meant to hurt you, and-"

"Stop it!" She yells at him. "Just stop it! There is absolutely _nothing_ that you can say to me right now that would make me feel better!"

He sighs. "We have to get through this together."

"What together?" She asks angrily. "We're not together anymore, Chester. God…you're just like him…"

"Who?"

Casey sobs and covers her face.

"You're _just_ like him," she laments through her tears. "You're just like Charlie. I thought that I'd found the love of my life, but then it just turned into a total nightmare from hell. He loved me, then he hurt me, then loved me again…and I wish I could say that I want something different than I wanted twelve years ago, and I wish I could say that I've learned from the mistakes I made, but I haven't. My mistake is wanting a constant in my life, wanting someone to love me all the time and love me enough to try not to hurt me and to be by my side through everything and to hold me…"

She sniffles and wipes her tears.

"But why should I expect anything better from you? Or any man for that matter?" She asks bitterly. "So you can leave now. I don't want you here."

"Casey, I'm not giving up on us," he says firmly. "I love you too much to just let you go like this."

"Okay, maybe I wasn't clear enough," she hisses, tears streaming down her face. "I **don't** want to be with you anymore. It's over, Chester. We. Are. Done. Now get out."

He gently touches her shoulder, but she pulls away.

"Don't touch me," she cries. "Just go home, and leave me alone."

Chester sighs. "I wish that I can take everything back and be the man that you wanted and needed me to be for you. You're absolutely right, you needed me just like I needed you, and it was unfair of me to expect you to understand why I did the things I did, which were the biggest mistakes of my life. It was completely unfair of me to think leaving you alone was the best thing for us. I should have been there for you every step of the way, I should have been with you when you found out you were pregnant with our baby…"

He pauses and he looks into her eyes, which were pale green, and she had circles around them from just pure exhaustion.

"I'm here now," he continues as he steps back. "And I'm on my knees-"

"I'm in a bathtub, Chester," she hisses. "What the hell?"

He gives her a harsh, scathing look, and she immediately deflates. He's given her that look before and it reminds her of her father, so she shuts her mouth.

"Would you stop being so stubborn and mean spirited for one minute? Can I finish what I want to say to you?"

"Okay," she relents.

"I'm begging you for forgiveness," he says. "For all of the things I've done. You are the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, from the moment I met you, I knew. I want you in my life, I want to marry you, I want to make a family with you…I love you so much, Casey. Will you please forgive me?"

She begins to cry again and she shakes her head.

"I can't right now," she sniffles. "I can't forgive you."

Chester swallows thickly. "I understand…"

"But that doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore," she explains tearfully. "I do love you. I love you so much, Chester…but right now, it hurts. It really _hurts_ to love you, and it shouldn't. Despite what people may think, it shouldn't hurt to love someone. Love shouldn't cause people pain, and it shouldn't make them sad. There's ups and downs, and painful times, bad times…but it shouldn't be because of love. Love should be safe, and it should be the only thing that will make things better. So I do love you, but it's taken too much out of me, out of both of us and I can't be in a relationship like that. I need to feel safe, Chester. I need time, Chester, and I'm asking you to give me that. Please?"

He nods. "I will."

She rests her head back onto her knees, closing her eyes.

"Now will you please go?"

"Alright sweetie," he says quietly as he gets up. He goes over to her and he smoothes over her hair. "No matter what you decide, just know that I love you and I never meant to hurt you. Right now, just take care of yourself, okay? If you need anything, don't be afraid to call me."

She nods.

With that he heads out.

He goes out of the bathroom and closes the door behind him gently.

Olivia and Dean are sitting at the table in the dining room, having a cup of coffee.

She gets up and goes over to Chester.

"Are you okay?"

He nods. "She needs some time. We both need some time away from each other. I've hurt her too much, Liv. She deserves better."

He walks out of the apartment and closes the door.

Dean gets up from the table and he puts his hands on Olivia's shoulders.

"You okay?" He asks.

"I'm fine," she sighs. "I just…Casey's my friend. I've seen her hurt before, but not like this."

She turns to him. "I don't even know what to say to her…I can't imagine losing a child like that. She's already so hard on herself about everything else…"

"Liv," he says, gently putting his hands on her cheeks. "The words will come to you, honey. You're good with people because you have a heart for them. You and Casey are friends, I'm sure she'll receive any comforting words you give her."

Olivia grins slightly then she leans up and kisses him softly.

He looks at his watch. "It's almost five AM. You want some breakfast?"

"Yeah," Olivia says. "Let me get Casey situated and maybe she'll be up to eating."

Dean goes into the kitchen and Olivia goes down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Casey opens her eyes and she lifts her head.

"Did he leave?" She asks.

Olivia comes over and sits on the toilet seat. "Yeah."

Casey begins to cry again. "I am _so sick_ and tired of putting my heart, time, and energy into relationships because if it's always going to be like this, then what's the point? Why should I even bother? This all hurts so much, and at least I'm at a point in my life where I can handle it. When I broke up with Charlie, I had just turned twenty four…I was a wreck. It all hurt so badly because I trusted him, I gave him my love, my virginity, four years of my life…but he didn't love me enough to get help. Every man in my life has managed to chip away at my heart and I don't want to go through that again."

"Casey, you shouldn't make Chester pay for another man's mistakes," Olivia says.

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Casey frowns.

"Yes, it is," Olivia nods. "I admit, I haven't been following my own advice, but that doesn't make it any less true."

"He asked me to forgive him…how can he ask me that after I just lost my baby, after everything that's happened?"

Olivia sighs. "Sweets, you've got to realize that you're not the only one who lost your baby. Chester lost his baby too. And the whole situation with the trial and everything else didn't just happen to you, it happened to him too."

"I know," Casey says quietly. "I just can't get through this with an unstable relationship."

Olivia crosses her arms over her chest. "How do you plan on getting through it?"

Casey sighs. "There's a support group at my parish…St. Brigid's Circle. She's the patron saint of babies. St. Edward the Confessor is a mostly Irish and Irish-American parish, so kids are a vital part of life and the community. I've never been…I guess I'll be going now."

"Do you have other friend's there?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah, there's lots of other groups beside AA and boys' baseball, Liv," Casey chuckles slightly. "I'm a part of the St. Edward's women's guild there and I also help to organize monthly mingles for the teenagers there. There's a dinner, a small forum, then a dance, a very tame one."

Olivia furrows her eyebrows.

"Didn't think I had a life, did you?" Casey asks.

"Well, not at your parish, no," Olivia grins. "So, does Chester go to St. Ed's?"

"No," Casey says. "He goes to St. Mark's. Very strict, that parish. I don't know how he can stand it. My parish is a little more progressive, and I've been trying to get him to cross over, but he's been going to St. Mark's since he was seventeen, so…"

Olivia nods. "As long as you've got something working for you…when does the group meet?"

"Every Thursday night at eight," Casey says. "Will you come with me when I go?"

"Honey, shouldn't Chester go with you?"

"Not right now," Casey says quietly. "Please?"

"Alright," Olivia says.

"Thank you," Casey says.

"Dean is making some breakfast," Olivia says. "Are you hungry?"

Casey shakes her head. "I'm too tired to do anything."

"You ready to come out?"

"No," Casey says. "I'll be okay."

"Alright," Olivia says as she stands up. "I'll save you some breakfast for later after you've gotten some rest."

Olivia walks out and she closes the door.

Casey stretches out in the tub, then she immerses herself under the water, then she comes back up, wiping her eyes. She can still feel her tears.

/\/\/\/\/\

Chester comes into the squad room with a few boxes in hand.

Fin sees him and he stands up.

"Hey Chester."

"Hey Fin," Chester says.

"You look like hell," Fin says. "How's Casey?"

Chester isn't really in a talking mood, but he needs to talk to someone about all that's happened.

He sits down in the chair and he sighs.

"She lost the baby."

Fin brings his chair over and sits down. "I'm sorry, man. Is she alright?"

"She's fine now," Chester explains. "She's staying with Olivia."

"She's not with you?"

"No," Chester says. "We…broke up. We both need some time apart."

Fin frowns at him. "And you're going through with it?"

"I've hurt her too much," Chester says. "I've hurt the woman that I love, and now that the baby's gone…there's nothing for us to hold on to right now. I need to do this for her."

Chester begins to put the things from his desk into the boxes.

"So has Cragen lined up a new partner, or have you run back to Munch?"

Fin shoves his hands into his pockets. "Nah, that old bastard's still pissed at me for dumping him for you. Now that you've screwed up, Cragen's already got a new hire. He hasn't told me who it is, but I know that it's a woman."

Chester nods. "Well, all I can say is don't make her work so hard to be part of the squad."

"It wouldn't be right if we didn't," Fin shrugs. "It took us a good year and a half to get used to Casey after Alex left. It's a trust thing."

Chester grins. "You're right about that," he sighs. "Look, I just want you to know that I didn't have anything against you…it's a trust thing, like you said. You were a good partner Fin."

Chester extends his hand and Fin shakes it.

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey sits on the bed in the guest room, looking at the sonogram picture of her baby. She traces the outline of the baby with her finger then she places the picture back onto the night stand. She is so tired, and she is still weepy, and moody, even after a week. She has been debating on calling her mother. Her mother needs to know about everything, especially about the grandchild she almost had.

She needs someone familiar, other than her friends here; she needs a familiar voice, and she longs even more for an embrace from her mother or her sister.

Olivia comes into Casey's room, clad in a purple form-fitting tank top, and yoga pants.

"Get up," Olivia demands.

Casey furrows her eyebrows.

"What?"

"Put on something to exercise in," Olivia says.

"I don't want to, Liv," Casey groans.

"Sweets, you need to get outside and do something," Olivia sighs. "You're never going to start to feel better cooped up in here. And you're in serious need of a tan."

Casey frowns at Olivia.

"C'mon, let's go," Olivia says.

"My boobs still hurt," Casey tries.

"Case, I'm not asking you to run a marathon, it's just a walk around the Rambles," Olivia insists.

Casey groans.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Olivia wait," Casey pants as she tries to catch up to Olivia, who is walking briskly.

Olivia stops and she turns.

Casey sits on a bench and slouches against it, completely dejected.

Olivia comes over and sits down.

Casey wipes the sweat from her forehead then she pushes her hair behind her ears. She stares out at the foliage, shaking her head.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Casey asks, more to herself than to Olivia. "I want it all to go away so badly."

"It takes time, Casey," Olivia says.

"I don't want it to take time," Casey huffs. "I just want to wake up in the morning and not feel like I'm losing control of my life."

"Sweets, you can't control everything."

Casey looks down at her hands.

"Judge Donnelly told me I have to appear before the bar in July. I can control that…because I'm not going to go."

Olivia looks at her.

"Of all the times for you to be stubborn…"

"It's not about me being stubborn," Casey huffs, then she stands up. "C'mon, let's just get this stupid walk over with."

"No, Casey, we have to talk about this," Olivia insists as she catches up with the younger woman. "Look, I know that everything is too much right now, but you have to appear. You can't just give up, Casey. They may only suspend you for months if you just explain about your and Chester, and the baby…"

Casey turns to her angrily. "I will _not_ discuss my personal life in a room full of strangers, nor will I use the baby as an excuse for what I did. How dare you even suggest it? That is just…_sick_."

"That's not what I'm saying," Olivia says, now jogging slightly because Casey is walking faster, to avoid her. "You…Case, you have to own up to what you did. Crane was a son of a bitch, be he wasn't a rapist-"

Casey stops.

"I could give a shit about Thomas fucking Crane!" She yells. "I do own up to what I did. I know that I made a mistake and even though I did it because I love Chester, that's not even a good reason. I went against everything I believed in and it was wrong. I have no intention of justifying what I did."

"You still need to go," Olivia advises. "This could save your career, Casey. They may give you another chance-"

"Just shut up about it!" Casey screams, tears falling down her face. "Shut up! Shut up!"

Casey puts her hands on her hips.

"Don't you understand Liv?"

"What?"

"I don't want it anymore," Casey cries. "And I haven't been wanting it. Liz was right…I stopped caring about myself. Even Chester told me that…"

Casey goes over to another bench and sits down, crying. Olivia sits next to her and gently rubs over Casey's back.

"Even though I've been so happy with Chester," she continues. "Inside…deep inside, I just wanted an out because I haven't been happy with myself. All of the cases, all of the horrible things I've seen, the children…it got to me. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but it did. And the further my relationship went, the more I resented what I did because it was taking so much away from me. I thought about my life, and how much I enjoyed being in love again, how much I wanted the things I wanted when I was younger. I've been burning out and I didn't even realize it."

Olivia sighs. "At least you're able to admit that."

"I just never wanted everything to go so badly," Casey sniffles. "I didn't want to leave my job as a failure."

"Honey, you are **not** a failure," Olivia says firmly. "You have the highest prosecution rate in this borough. You have worked your ass off for the better part of six years for SVU, and you've done a damn good job. You thought you had everything then boom…life happened. You shouldn't make yourself feel bad about wanting more out of life. What you do doesn't make you who you are. You met Chester, and you got in touch with a different part of you, a part that wants that intimacy, that love…the part of you that you left behind eight years ago when you had to leave Charlie. You let your guard down and you saw the ugly things that came across your desk with fresh eyes."

"And look where it's gotten me," Casey laments. "I shouldn't have psyched myself out I-"

"Sweets," Olivia says, putting her hand on Casey's cheeks. "It's okay…it's perfectly okay, you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you're human," Olivia says with a slight smile. "Welcome."

Casey begins to sob and Olivia hugs her.

/\/\/\/\/\

**A MONTH LATER**

/\/\/\/\/\

Casey sighs as she leans up against the wall outside of the board room. The proceeding has carried on longer than expected, and now she is getting antsy, and she wants to leave, but she can't right now until she knows the already obvious outcome. It is a closed meeting, and she can't hear a thing that's going on inside.

Cragen comes down the hallway with two carriers, containing coffee.

He gives Casey a cup, then Olivia, Fin, Munch, then himself. Elliot had to leave to tend to his family.

"You should sit down," Cragen advises.

"I'm fine," Casey says. "Thanks."

"How long has it been?" Olivia asks.

"It's going on three hours," Fin says.

Casey closes her eyes.

She has been feeling progressively better lately. She's been going to her parish group to help her deal with the miscarriage, and a few days ago, she'd stepped on the scale and realized that she'd lost fifteen pounds she didn't even know she had. Olivia has been supporting her, that has helped to keep her spirits lifted too. It's still a struggle though. There are some days when Casey doesn't even feel like getting out of bed because she'd much rather shut out the world than deal with it with her set of circumstances. It's definitely taken her a lot of strength to be able to realize that she is deserving of a good, fulfilling life.

The doors open and Chester comes out into the hallway.

He sighs. "I'm a civilian."

Cragen comes over to Chester and shakes his hand.

"No matter what the brass says, you were a good cop. Best of luck to you."

"Thank you," Chester says appreciatively.

Munch and Fin also shake his hand and bid him good luck.

"Bye honey," Olivia says as she hugs him. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

"Alright," he says. "Bye Liv."

Olivia pulls away then she heads down the hall, leaving Chester and Casey by themselves.

Casey pushes her hair behind her ears.

"They took your shield," she says matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," he says. "Thanks for being here."

She nods.

He looks at her, grinning a bit. "You look nice…I'm glad that you're feeling better, sweetie."

"Thanks," she says. "You look better too."

They are only a few feet away from each other, but considering the strain, now they may as well be a thousand miles apart.

"I've missed you," he says, stepping closer to her.

"I've missed you too," she says quietly.

He caresses her cheek then he kisses her softly. She pulls away.

"I'll um," she begins, stepping away from him. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah," he says.

She turns and walks down the hallway.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Sweets, are you absolutely sure you don't want to appear?" Olivia asks as they sit on the couch, having a cup of tea. "You still have time to get dressed and go."

"I'm sure, Liv," Casey says.

Olivia takes a sip of her tea. "You'll never know what they decided. You might regret it; you should go if not for yourself, or your career, but for some closure, that way you're not always wondering about it."

Casey sighs. "At this point, if I cared about it, it would worry me and I'd go. But I don't want it, and I don't need it."

"Case…"

Casey looks at Olivia.

"Not needing it…that's my closure."

With that, she gets up and she heads to the kitchen.


End file.
